Current Events > How do people not feel guilt/self-loathing over their kinks/fetishes?

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ForestLogic
06/27/18 4:33:05 PM
#1:


It's something I struggle with on a recurring basis. Nothing I'm into hurts anyone and my fiancee (unenthusiastically) indulges in kinky stuff to make me happy, but even so, I have this perpetual feeling of guilt and shame over not being vanilla.

Often I see people on the internet that are completely 100% open about the weird stuff they're into, and seem like they're totally accepting of themselves. How do they do that? How do they not feel like fuck-ups? I honest to God wish I could put myself in that mindset, but don't know how.
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Antifar
06/27/18 4:33:51 PM
#2:


How weird are the kinks we're talking about here?
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dirtycommunist
06/27/18 4:34:06 PM
#3:


ForestLogic posted...
Nothing I'm into hurts anyone

Then what's the problem? Just chill out!
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OwlRammer
06/27/18 4:34:25 PM
#4:


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ArchiePeck
06/27/18 4:36:25 PM
#5:


Did you have a particularly religious/conservative upbringing? I expect that can make some people repressed about sex.

At the end of the day, just remind yourself that so long as everyone involved is willing, it's a fundamental and enjoyable part of a healthy life to share sexual pleasures.
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 4:38:08 PM
#6:


Antifar posted...
How weird are the kinks we're talking about here?


I knew this question was gonna come up, but I understand the need for it, lol. Basically, a bunch of weird middle ground stuff that isn't super hardcore, but also not mainstream kinky either.

Stuff like being attracted to girls that are physically dirty/smelly, sex with food involved, facesitting, etc.. Nothing in the deep end though.
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BWLurker2
06/27/18 4:39:21 PM
#7:


ForestLogic posted...
facesitting

How the fuck is that considered weird?
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 4:39:54 PM
#8:


"As long as it's consensual from all parties involved & not violating the law".

Remember those words!
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Nuffinz0rz
06/27/18 4:39:57 PM
#9:


ForestLogic posted...
sex with food

L0craPWKUtV72eYqU5
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 4:40:22 PM
#10:


BWLurker2 posted...
How the fuck is that considered weird?
That's on the weak sauce end of kinky stuff that I've seen out in the Internet.
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SpinKirby
06/27/18 4:41:10 PM
#11:


You just get over it.

poo poo fetish top tier
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Pogo_Marimo
06/27/18 4:41:48 PM
#12:


Hmm, only "fetish" I have is public stuff and I only feel guilt about it because it could potentially unwillingly involve someone that is not interested. So I don't do it.

Guess that guilt is actually worse something sometimes.
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BWLurker2
06/27/18 4:42:58 PM
#13:


KamenRiderBlade posted...
BWLurker2 posted...
How the fuck is that considered weird?
That's on the weak sauce end of kinky stuff that I've seen out in the Internet.

It's practically vanilla at this point. Also if two consenting adults want to get weird, I don't see why guilt should be involved.

Hate to say it though, but your partner being unenthusiastic might not be a great sign.
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 4:43:08 PM
#14:


ArchiePeck posted...
Did you have a particularly religious/conservative upbringing? I expect that can make some people repressed about sex.


Weirdly, I grew up in a Christian household with conservative parents, who ironically were pretty laid back about me watching stuff with sex scenes or raunchy stuff like South Park. They never really broached the subject of sex and sexuality with me, for better or worse.
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thanosibe
06/27/18 4:43:33 PM
#15:


If your partner(s) is okay with it then I don't see the harm in it. I don't go around telling strangers the things I do in the bedroom with my wife, so maybe that's why I have no need to feel shame. Maybe embarrassed at first before I told her "I like X thing" or "I like when you do X thing", but not shame.

However if your partner(s) aren't into X thing and you are pushing them to try/do it is only going to make it worse. I know from experience with myself. Both wanting to do something and wanting her to do something. It's all about feeling open enough to communicate with your partner(s) and have that closeness and intimacy where you won't feel ashamed of sharing something. Even if your partner(s) don't want to try/do it.

Or if that kink or fetish is mutually exclusive to your enjoying sexual congress with your partner(s) than it might be something that you might want to look into. As to why only X thing(s) are imperative for your sexual enjoyment.
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zombiexdeathx
06/27/18 4:45:27 PM
#16:


i dont but im single and free to indulge my (many) perversities
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Pogo_Marimo
06/27/18 4:45:43 PM
#17:


"Sexual congress" is one of my favorite phrases.
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SpiralDrift
06/27/18 4:48:57 PM
#18:


Maybe you're subconsciously holding onto that guilt just to keep the taboo a taboo so it stays exciting?
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 4:54:47 PM
#19:


SpiralDrift posted...
Maybe you're subconsciously holding onto that guilt just to keep the taboo a taboo so it stays exciting?


Holy shit. This is legitimately something I never considered.
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spanky1
06/27/18 5:08:25 PM
#20:


I've never understood the feeling of guilt with sex. I mean some people feel guilt after they've fapped to basic vanilla porn, so yeah, don't feel bad.
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 5:12:20 PM
#21:


spanky1 posted...
I've never understood the feeling of guilt with sex. I mean some people feel guilt after they've fapped to basic vanilla porn, so yeah, don't feel bad.
There's a basic rule in committed relationships of any sort.

You look, see, observe whatever sexual acts that is on some form of media or outside being performed.

But DON'T Touch or Participate in said acts.

You must come home to your Significant Other(s).

If you made a commitment, stick with it.

Otherwise, disband said commitment so that you are free to participate with other folks.
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 5:16:30 PM
#22:


spanky1 posted...
I've never understood the feeling of guilt with sex. I mean some people feel guilt after they've fapped to basic vanilla porn, so yeah, don't feel bad.


I mean I'm actually really sex-positive in the context of relationships. I don't feel guilty over just regular ol' sex, just over the more kinky stuff.
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 5:17:08 PM
#23:


ForestLogic posted...
just over the more kinky stuff.
That's most likely your brain trying to keep it taboo for the sake of taboo.
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HylianFox
06/27/18 5:20:03 PM
#24:


Liking feet tends to get a lot of flak despite being one the most common fetishes there is
>_>
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Funbazooka
06/27/18 5:21:45 PM
#25:


Because it's mother nature telling you that you're wasting that sexual energy on something that isn't reproduction. That's my guess anyway.
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 5:24:27 PM
#26:


KamenRiderBlade posted...
ForestLogic posted...
just over the more kinky stuff.
That's most likely your brain trying to keep it taboo for the sake of taboo.


This and what Spiral said are actually really fucking helpful, really insightful things I seriously never thought about. It's absolutely something to reflect on.

Like, I basically made this thread to vent, and wasn't expecting anything helpful but holy shit guys, thank you.
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Blue_Dream87
06/27/18 5:25:47 PM
#27:


Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 5:28:06 PM
#28:


Blue_Dream87 posted...
Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)


See, this kinda gusto is awesome. I want to be like you.

Like now I'm genuinely curious. I guess if you tell me it, I'll tell you one of the weirder ones I didn't mention earlier in the thread.
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 5:28:54 PM
#29:


HylianFox posted...
Liking feet tends to get a lot of flak despite being one the most common fetishes there is
>_>
It's also a weak sauce fetish.

Not Hardcore and eclectic / eccentric enough amongst the Fetish rankings.
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#30
Post #30 was unavailable or deleted.
Squidkids
06/27/18 5:34:53 PM
#31:


sex with food:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZV5feffJ5M" data-time="


seems mainstream to me
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 5:36:39 PM
#32:


Squidkids posted...
seems mainstream to me
But burning your wiener is just dumb given what happened in American Pie.
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apocalyptic_4
06/27/18 5:52:20 PM
#33:


ForestLogic posted...
Antifar posted...
How weird are the kinks we're talking about here?


I knew this question was gonna come up, but I understand the need for it, lol. Basically, a bunch of weird middle ground stuff that isn't super hardcore, but also not mainstream kinky either.

Stuff like being attracted to girls that are physically dirty/smelly, sex with food involved, facesitting, etc.. Nothing in the deep end though.


Yup I understand this one.

Nothing like doing it after a long day of work.
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Blue_Dream87
06/27/18 8:03:08 PM
#34:


ForestLogic posted...
Blue_Dream87 posted...
Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)


See, this kinda gusto is awesome. I want to be like you.

Like now I'm genuinely curious. I guess if you tell me it, I'll tell you one of the weirder ones I didn't mention earlier in the thread.


Not exactly gusto and more a life-is-too-short-to-care-what-people-think.

Oh and it's knifeplay. Ultimate fantasy is being tied up to bedposts while she rides me with a knife to my throat. I'm not into deep cuts, just surface to draw a little blood.
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SpinKirby
06/27/18 8:08:16 PM
#35:


Blue_Dream87 posted...
ForestLogic posted...
Blue_Dream87 posted...
Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)


See, this kinda gusto is awesome. I want to be like you.

Like now I'm genuinely curious. I guess if you tell me it, I'll tell you one of the weirder ones I didn't mention earlier in the thread.


Not exactly gusto and more a life-is-too-short-to-care-what-people-think.

Oh and it's knifeplay. Ultimate fantasy is being tied up to bedposts while she rides me with a knife to my throat. I'm not into deep cuts, just surface to draw a little blood.


Look at this TAME CHILD.

IF YOURE NOT LOSING A QUART OF BLOOD, it's not kinky.
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Blue_Dream87
06/27/18 8:22:24 PM
#36:


SpinKirby posted...
Blue_Dream87 posted...
ForestLogic posted...
Blue_Dream87 posted...
Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)


See, this kinda gusto is awesome. I want to be like you.

Like now I'm genuinely curious. I guess if you tell me it, I'll tell you one of the weirder ones I didn't mention earlier in the thread.


Not exactly gusto and more a life-is-too-short-to-care-what-people-think.

Oh and it's knifeplay. Ultimate fantasy is being tied up to bedposts while she rides me with a knife to my throat. I'm not into deep cuts, just surface to draw a little blood.


Look at this TAME CHILD.

IF YOURE NOT LOSING A QUART OF BLOOD, it's not kinky.


I'll be honest

I need a total blood transfusion to get off
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KamenRiderBlade
06/27/18 10:56:34 PM
#37:


Blue_Dream87 posted...
I'll be honest

I need a total blood transfusion to get off
I hope you get to live your fantasy every night.
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ForestLogic
06/27/18 11:35:05 PM
#38:


Blue_Dream87 posted...
ForestLogic posted...
Blue_Dream87 posted...
Eh, I'm already a generally weird person and I have better things to be self conscious about than being into BDSM (which I am open enough to the point I will admit my fucked up fantasy if asked)


See, this kinda gusto is awesome. I want to be like you.

Like now I'm genuinely curious. I guess if you tell me it, I'll tell you one of the weirder ones I didn't mention earlier in the thread.


Not exactly gusto and more a life-is-too-short-to-care-what-people-think.

Oh and it's knifeplay. Ultimate fantasy is being tied up to bedposts while she rides me with a knife to my throat. I'm not into deep cuts, just surface to draw a little blood.


Not my cup of tea but I can totally see the thrill of this. And honestly not even that bad.

As far as deep dark ones that I didn't mention in the thread, I really want to do it with a chick that's been sprayed by a skunk. I think cuz it's like the pinnacle of the dirty/smelly women kink I mentioned earlier. That's one I'm pretty guilty about.
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LinksLiege
06/27/18 11:51:24 PM
#39:


I've never really seen fetishes as a weird thing. I started getting into learning about the psychology of sexual fetishism when I was a teenager so...iunno, it just seems like a normal thing to me. The particular fetishes might be out-there, but we don't have much control over the circumstances which make them develop.

Barring acts which violate consent (Exhibitionism to unwilling people, etc.) I wouldn't really be put off by anything. That is not me saying I'm down for anything - there's a ton of stuff I won't go for - but I'll discuss it without a second thought. I find it interesting more than anything else.
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C_Pain
06/27/18 11:57:11 PM
#40:


Because I think fetishes are basically unconscious likes stemming from something from childhood that's out of your control. It doesn't speak to you as a person.
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FortuneCookie
06/28/18 12:13:42 AM
#41:


The only kinks I feel guilty about are ones that are impossible in real life. I read a lot of stories involving physical transformations; the majority of which are unwanted.

I think I enjoy written erotica in the same way that a lot of people enjoy horror stories or games which let you shoot innocent bystanders. Instead of watching teens get their heads chopped off or blowing up NPCs, I enjoy things like shrinking or inflating sex traits or swapping people's genders.

I feel bad because the stories do have victims, but then I do have to remind myself that they are just fictional.
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Omnislasher
06/28/18 12:14:51 AM
#42:


time to renounce catholicism, tc
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