Current Events > Scenario: You're the ruler of the land with your knights but there's a problem.

(+) Yeah! (+)

You've called your best knights to an important landsmeet across a huge rectangular table to discuss the big issues of the hour however you can't even get started because all the knights are arguing about where to sit at the table.

You sit at the head of the table because you're ruler, but all the other knights want to sit next to you to be seen as important. Your oldest knight exclaims "My place is at m'lord's side! I've lived more years than you've killed people boy!" to your youngest knight, your youngest retorts "Well Sir Wastepaper Basket I'm stronger, smarter and faster than your decrepit body should slump the floor!"

The female knights are arguing that they should sit at the end of the table next to you for the good of the land and also sexism.

Your most virtuous and chaste knight is screaming at the improperness shown by one of your more gluttonous knights for bringing beer and hot meat to the meeting. Who in turn is throwing bones at him.

One of your knights brought his dogs and is refusing to sit anywhere unless his dogs it next to him. Some of your knights want to carry weapons openly, some want to conceal their weapons, some want weapons banned from the meeting.

etc etc



You sit at the end of the table, head in hands in frustration as complete pandemonium errupts and yet you haven't actually discussed a single issue yet.

What do you do?
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Shut the fuck up
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Tell them to STFU and sit down exactly where they are at the table or be kicked out of the meeting for acting like stupid children.

Ask the female knight if she wants a seat in my lap.


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Go impulse 101 on their asses
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Make love to the pale cis-women knights and worship their perfect feet. Execute the rest.
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Become King Arthur and demand the table thrown out. Make a Round Table.
But they will still want to be the closest ones to me, and fight over it, so...

Make a hole in the middle of the Round Table, and put a spinning office chair in the middle for me. That way I can look at anyone at any time.
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I decree that they shall draw lots from a bucket, eldest to youngest out of respect for tradition, for this meeting.

On following meetings they or their representatives shall each move one seat to their right.

Weapons to be left with their attendants in the antechamber.

Dogs to be left in the kennels.

Refreshments will be provided by me, the host, for all.

My rule is law and open rebellion is punishable by death and land seizing.
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I lay down at the center of the table and tell them to shut the fuck up.
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Laserion posted...

Make a hole in the middle of the Round Table, and put a spinning office chair in the middle for me. That way I can look at anyone at any time.

I support your life choices.
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Banish them all and seize there lands.

Then name the puppers my new knights
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Slimfizzle posted...

Banish them all and seize there lands.

Then name the puppers my new knights

Ok so what are you going to do when hostile forces try to take you over?

Call for the aid of mittens the dog to rally the army?
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i make the male knights stand on the table and take their armor off and dance for me and the female knights

this will be the full monty

then i the woman would be dismissed and we would have an orgy
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Tell them all to stfu.

I drink the beer and eat the hot meal, I command the dogs to sit close to me and I get everyone to stand up.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Slimfizzle posted...

Banish them all and seize there lands.

Then name the puppers my new knights

Ok so what are you going to do when hostile forces try to take you over?

Call for the aid of mittens the dog to rally the army?

I never said I was a sane king
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Slimfizzle posted...

UnfairRepresent posted...

Slimfizzle posted...

Banish them all and seize there lands.

Then name the puppers my new knights

Ok so what are you going to do when hostile forces try to take you over?

Call for the aid of mittens the dog to rally the army?

I never said I was a sane king

I never said you where a king
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I have them all form a tower like in a Disgaea game so they can all be next to me.
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uwnim posted...

I have them all form a tower like in a Disgaea game so they can all be next to me.

Eww
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Slimfizzle posted...

Banish them all and seize there lands.

Then name the puppers my new knights

Ok so what are you going to do when hostile forces try to take you over?

Call for the aid of mittens the dog to rally the army?

Gotta have a massive battle ending with your bastard son getting a hugeass lance through the stomach
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Massive orgy. Last one standing gets to sit next to me and everyone else has to just lay in a sweaty, sticky pile and listen from there.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

uwnim posted...

I have them all form a tower like in a Disgaea game so they can all be next to me.

Eww

??? What is wrong with that?
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female knights you say? You know what I'd do.
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I destroy the knight who is throwing bones for being insolent. Then I tell my eldest knight and the hottest girl to sit next to me, and tell everyone else to be seated.
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Tell them all to go sit in the corner.
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Pepys Monster posted...

Then I tell my eldest knight and the hottest girl to sit next to me

So you've just started another argument.
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Sparksfanboy posted...

Depends on so many factors that it might as well have not been a question.

Such as?
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Why is there not a round table?

Rectangle tables are for lowborn filth
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The dogs will sit by me, followed by the guy who brought the dogs. After that, the knights that fought the most loudly and passionately for good seats will sit the farthest from me and the ones who kept quiet can sit closer to me. Anyone who objects gets an extra special chair in the corner of the room farthest from my seat.
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Tell them to shut the fuck up while I draw a key on a piece of paper
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I would already be dead because a king with a court like that would be killed by somebody
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josifrees posted...

I would already be dead because a king with a court like that would be killed by somebody

Except you're not dead
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The young knight and the old knight complaining about where they should sit as well as the guy complaining loudly about the glutton become my seat, backrest, and footstool respectively.

The glutton has to either bring enough meat and beer to share with everyone that may want some or not bring any at all during the meeting.

The female knights will have to rub my feet during the meeting if they want to sit next to me.

The guy with the dogs can sit wherever he wants because I like dogs too.

Finally the knights that want to ban weapons from the meeting are permanently relieved of duty as I don't need any knights like that in my court. The rest of the knights can carry their weapons however they want but cannot force their preference on the rest.
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how hot are the femail knight
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MoistenedYouth posted...

how hot are the femail knight

There's more than 1
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I destroy all the tables and chairs. Then we have a standing meeting, where we discuss whether or not to ban weapons in meetings.

UnfairRepresent posted...

MoistenedYouth posted...

how hot are the femail knight

There's more than 1

ask them "what do u want, gold/glory?" one by one in my private chamber. if her answer is gold then i'd have sex with her. if her answer is glory then i'd have sex with her and make her as one of my quenn.
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JE19426 posted...

I destroy all the tables and chairs. Then we have a standing meeting, where we discuss whether or not to ban weapons in meetings.

...Why not just take the furniture out of the room?
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UnfairRepresent posted...

...Why not just take the furniture out of the room?

It's not as in your face as destroying it is.