Current Events > CYOA: Your no-good dad is ruining your life.

(+) Yeah! (+)

"And that," you explain while closing your telescoping pointer thing, "is how we're going to increase profits by 4% in 2019."

An impressed murmur sweeps through the 62nd floor board room. You confidently put your hand in your $1000 pants pocket, pushing aside your $1500 suit jacket as you wait for questions.

There are none. Of course there are. You're the best there is and everyone knows it. 4% might be a small number for some companies, but the people sitting in that room know all too well that 4% at this company is enough to fund a country--and not a particularly small one. Your smile grows bigger as you consider the bonus these results will net you.

But just then, the door to the board room opens and in comes Mary, your assistant. Like you, Mary is the best there is. In truth, your brains would have only gotten you about 85% of the way to where you are--give or take--if not for her. That is to say, she's about 18% as good as you, which is quite the accomplishment.

She addresses you by name and informs you that there is an urgent matter requiring your attention.

"I'll handle it shortly," you respond.

"This is quite urgent," she insists. Of course it is. She knows better than to interrupt this meeting--of all meetings--for anything that isn't. That's what makes her the best.

What do you do?

A) Leave the meeting to see what's wrong
B) Counter-insist that you'll deal with it later
C) Adjourn the meeting yourself
D) Have her bring the problem to you
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D) Put it in
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D
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D) Have her bring the problem to you

"Very well," you sigh. This could be a blessing in disguise, you decide, as you might have an opportunity to impress the members of the board even more than you already have.

"Bring it here," you tell her.

"Right away," she answers. She walks to the door and opens it.

In walks a man in a worn-out dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and slacks that you would say need to be ironed if you weren't more inclined to say they need to be thrown out.

You know his ugly mug, his unbrushed hair, and his nasty stubble. It is none other than your no-good father.

He calls you by your first name and tries to come in for a hug. Where were those when you were a kid? Wherever he was, you guess. He wants something, and you no more want to return the gesture than lick a spark plug. What do?

A) Try to head him off with a handshake instead. Maintain civility for the board.
B) Hold out your hand to his chest to stop his approach.
C) Tell him off.
D) Call security.
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D
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D) Put it in
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leverageblargh posted...

E) Unleash a series of savage roundhouse kicks

Also an option.
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D) Call security.

"Call security!" you cry out. Mary heads for the door. The board members aren't sure whether to take cover or wait and see what happens.

Your no-good dad looks heartbroken. He says "Now wait a second. I came here hoping to make things right." You are not interested in making things right. It is far too late for that. You stare at him, without a word. He grows more nervous as security approaches.

Just then, the door bursts open and in come a pair of security guards with sticks. Your no-good dad panics and begins to fight them off. The board members finally make up their minds to take cover. You're almost impressed with how he handles them, but then again, you don't have a lot of sympathy for this guy.

A) Team up with security to defeat your no-good dad.
B) Team up with dad to defeat security.
C) Take cover with the board.
D) Just roundhouse kick everyone for good measure.
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D
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D) Put it in
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D for lulz.
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jumi posted...

D for lulz.

EDIT - @fire_bolt forget if you wanted to be @'ed for CYOAs that look like they could be interesting, so if you don't want it, sorry.
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I'm sorry Mary, but...

DevsBro posted...

D) Just roundhouse kick everyone for good measure.

(I'm not sorry)
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Thanks @Eevee-Trainer

D
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E) jerk it with luigi
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D) Just roundhouse kick everyone for good measure.

It's pretty clear your presentation is ruined, and with it your bonus, and likely your future prospects with the company. Maybe your whole career. Maybe you can apply at McDonald's tomorrow.

You try to remember your anger management techniques, but your mind is drawing a blank. What a waste of time and money. That just makes you even angrier.

You must punish the people responsible for ruining your life.

The two security guards have moved between you and your no-good dad. Them first. You turn in a circle, hold out your leg and aim for the upper back. That one attack manages to hit both of them, knocking then off their feet and accross the room into separate piles of boxes that you brought in for your presentation.

Then you remember the board members. This is their fault too. You'll worry about how later.

You run behind the table. First up is the VP of IT. Nerd. You put a shoeprint on his face. Next, the client from Japan. You show him how we do it here in America. The CEO gets a Chief Executive Ouchie, and finally you give the intern an introduction to the real world.

Turning toward where you left your no-good dad, you see him and Mary staring in disbelief. You run over, planning to make believers of them, but to your surprise, Mary catches your foot. That's what makes her the best.

A) Use the other foot.
B) Try to punch them, while your leg is restrained.
C) Struggle.
D) Call security again.
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CB
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You write very well, TC.

D) put it in
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BACD in that order
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Need a tiebreaker.
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B
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I guess since nothing has two votes, I'll consider B and BC subsets of BACD.

BACD in that order

She's good, but you're better. You reach out a fist in her direction to punch her. But alas, your legs are longer than your arms, a basic fact of anatomy that you were aware of, but were hoping to overcome.

No matter, your no-good dad is standing close enough to get in a cheap shot against. He reels from the unexpected blow, then decides to charge at you.

This is bad. You have to get free. You rationalize that if your legs are longer than your arms, perhaps your free leg can be used to release yourself from Mary's clutches. You jump and twist, moving your free leg over the constrained one for a kick to the face.

It works! You and Mary both fall to the floor. But just then, your no-good dad catches you and picks you up by your collar, pinning you against the large window that composes an entire wall.

You struggle, wiggling violently. You're hurt by the recoil, and sadly, fail to escape on your own. On your own! Of course!

You call for security again, hoping that perhaps some are still available on the floor. But before they can arrive, you see Mary get up and run over, tackling both of you against the glass. It gives way.

The three of you begin the 61-floor drop. Your life flashes before your eyes. When you were a kid, you always dreamed you could be...

A) A superhero
B) A cyborg
C) A mecha pilot
D) A monster
E) Other (specify)
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ABC
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E a volunteer fire fighter
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C
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E, a flying-type Eevee

C
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teepan95 posted...

ABC

Let's go with this.
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teepan95 posted...

ABC

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teepan95 posted...

ABC

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teepan95 posted...

ABC

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E) a boring businessman presenting a report about how to increase company profits by 4% in 2019.
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Dangit CE that's a tought combination to pull off. But ok, here we go.

ABC

...a superhero. And, at another stage in childhood, a cyborg. And, at yet another stage, a mecha pilot.

But none of those thoughts will save you now. You never got to be any of those things and you are quickly running out of time to accomplish any goals. You fall all the way down.

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You don't remember hitting the ground. You don't remember a lot, actually. You remember the day your no-good dad ruined your life, and you remember Mary helping him. You remember being the best there is, but the rest is pretty hazy.

You look around. Or rather, you try to. Everything is black. You can't hear anything either. Where, exactly, are you? You go to rub your eyes and find that you have lost a great amount of dexterity, as if your limbs have a long way to travel to reach your face.

Suddenly, you see a woman's face. "Good morning," she says. She looks.... Australian, maybe? You don't know what to say. You have so many questions you don't know where to start.

Sensing your predicament, she continues. "You must be pretty confused right now." From her voice you can definitely tell she's Australian.

"The short of it is, you died."

What shouldn't have been a shocker causes you distress anyway. Really, you fell 61 floors, so how could you not be dead?

"But that's kind of an over simplification. I'll fill you in on the details sometime. But to get to the point, you're not dead."

You died, but you're not dead. What is this nonsense?

"My name is Charlotte, PhD in robotics, anatomy, psychology and English," she says. "I think the best thing to do would be to just turn your cameras on."

Suddenly you can see. You are in the middle of a huge hangar, and Charlotte is directly ahead of you in a sealed room separated from you with a window. You look down at your hand, which you just used to rub your eyes.

It's made of metal, and very very far away.

"Your body was, of course, unsalvageable. But we did manage to preserve and repair your brain and transplant it into a new body."

You look down. You must be 150 feet off the ground. Except... you're standing on the ground. You're really tall and made of metal.

Oh s***.

You panic and try to stumble backwards. But your legs will not move.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte explains, "but we've deactivated your legs for the time being so that you don't, well, do exactly what you just tried to do.

"We need your help," she explains. "And you'll give it to us because you are not cheap to operate, and we will shut you off if you don't. We have a situation that is too big for the military to handle."

Giant metal body? Brain in a machine? A problem too great for the military? You have done it. You have become a cyborg superhero mecha pilot. Or rather, a cyborg superhero mecha, to be more precise.

You have so many questions...

A) What is this situation?
B) Where are your no-good dad and Mary?
C) Why shouldn't you just crush the control room and escape?
D) Does this mean you can't eat pizza anymore?
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D

Important questions first
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DevsBro posted...

D) Does this mean you can't eat pizza anymore?

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DB
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DA
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D

If we can't eat pizza... :(
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HotLap posted...

DB

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DB
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Another tie, so D's count toward DB.

DB

"Maybe I'll help you," you say casually. "I already died, so what do I care if you just deacticate me? What kind of life is a 50-yard-tall robot supposed to lead anyway? The way I see it, there is exactly one thing left thst could give me motive to live."

You pause and make her ask.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Can I still eat pizza?"

Her face turns white. She appears to be doing complicated mathematics in her head, drawing symbols with her finger in midair. That's a no. But she is clearly desperate, and must be working furiously for a way to give you a "yes" answer. This is precisely what you want. If she's smart enough to build the body you now inhabit, she's smart enough to let you taste pizza.

She sits there, in her control room, looking more and more frantic. You don't know whether your body has the capability to form facial expressions, but you try your best to give her a stony-eyed poker face. You want her to feel the pressure. And if a metal humanoid the size of a skyscraper doesn't do it, nothing will. That's what makes you the best.

"It is... theoretically possible," she says at long last.

"But will require further development, I take it?" you answer.

"Yes."

"Then I will wait."

"There's no time," she says. "If you do this for us, you have my guarantee that we will do whatever we can to give you a sense of taste. The relevant receptors in your brain should be working properly. It's just a matter of interfacing them properly and developing flavor sensors. Perhaps a miniturized mass spectrometer can--"

You cut off her nerd speak. "I have another request," you bellow. You hear the echo of your voice in the large room. You sound vaguely like yourself, but more tinny.

"Name it," she answers. Difficult request first, eady one second. Makes the easy one both easier and more attractive.

"Tell me. What happened to my no-good dad and Mary?"

"The other two who fell with you?" she asks.

"Yes," you answer.

"The same thing that happened to you. They died. But they're not dead."

"You turned them into machines too?"

"Yes," she answers. "In fact, this is the situation we need your help with. We used to be a division of the military R&D department. They ordered us to create an unstoppable weapon for them. When we secured your bodies, we decided to give them three."

"But you were in the worst case of the three, and it took more time to repair your brain for use. The others were activated a few weeks ago. But they would not be controlled. It was something we hadn't anticipated--not only would their brains be hogh-powered computers, but somehow their consciousness survived and took control from us. We now know better. We can deactivate you--and kill your brain--with the touch of a button. So please, for your sake, don't turn on us like they did."

The floor begins to rise. The chiling splits apart and you begin to rise up above the ground. You have a choice to make.

A) Track down your no-good dad and Mary.
B) Order a lot of pizzas and have them charged to Charlotte.
C) Go have some fun first.
D) Destroy the control room on your way up.
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D, C, B, then A
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DevsBro posted...

A) Track down your no-good dad and Mary.
B) Order a lot of pizzas and have them charged to Charlotte.

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Eevee-Trainer posted...

D, C, B, then A

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DBA
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CA.
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B
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Ooo, grave mistake, CE....

D, C, B, then A

The platform rises. You begin to see where you are. You're somewhere in the desert. That doesn't really help, but maybe you have a built-in GPS or something.

The ground just... keeps going down. You are really really tall. When you are at about knee-level, you suddenly realize this is your chance. With a swift (well, sluggish; everything you do feels sluggish) motion of your leg and knee, you send your foot in the direction of the control room.

"Wait," Charlotte cries in desperation, "stop!"

But you do not stop. You couldn't if you wanted to. It takes about a second for the attack to make contact, but this is not enough time for Charlotte to reach the damnable kill switch.

Your communication channel goes silent.

Audibly, you speak to her--or her corpse, more likely--"That's what makes me the best."

With your leash cut, it's time for you to try out your new body. You pick a direction and begin to walk. It's then that you realize that you're not actually slow, but very big. It takes your feet several seconds to make each stride, but you cover about 70 feet with each stride.

You continue moving. Within minutes, you see some jet fighters converging on your location. Did Charlotte call the military? Did she survive? Maybe there were other people in the facility? Either way, this is a chance to really put your body to the test.

You can hear their gunfire landing on your body, but you can't feel it at all. So that's kinda cool. One of the fighters dives in close. You reach up with your massive hand, and, to your amazement, the fighter smashes into it and explodes, with you barely feeling any recoil.

You decide to try order some pizza for this party--after all you have some sort of wireless audio communication capability--and it will serve as a reminder to Charlotte about your d--

Charlotte. You forgot about the deal. She may not hold your reigns anymore, but she also can't give you a sense of taste anymore. You have made a grave error.

You call your favorite Pizza chain anyway (your favorite local place can't cook enough pizzas but maybe a whole chain can). How many pizzas can you eat, you wonder. You are much much larger than you used to be. You pull a number that sounds good out of nowhere and order 13,000 pizzas, to be delivered one month from today. You don't know the address, so you say "the secret base near the rampaging robot." The employee tells you that doesn't narrow it down, so you clarify it's the one in the desert.

So now it's time to track down your no-good dad and Mary. You imagine the direction the jets came from must lead somewhere you want to go, so you head that direction. While walking, you...

A) See if you have a GPS or something.
B) Try to tune in to a radio station to check the news for info on the duo.
C) Try to tune in to a radio station to listen to some groovin' beats.
D) See if you can s***post on GameFAQs.
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That was great

D)
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D while C.
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