Current Events > Are you single?

(+) Yeah! (+)

King Rial posted...

Everyone has baggage, brother. And they take it into their relationships. You deserve to find someone as much as anyone. And while you shouldn't unload everything on someone as soon as you get into a relationship, it's okay to share a bit. You can, if things go right, end up helping each other become stronger together.

I was never planning on unloading anything, at least not until things were becoming serious. And only then so they'd know what they were in for. I never intended to use anyone just to help myself, but apparently thinking I'd feel better if I managed to find someone means exactly that, and I'm being selfish, and unfair.
It doesn't even matter because it's not ever going to be an issue anyway. I'm never going to find anyone, and that's that.

Anony1125 posted...

And what about the issues that 'poor innocent sap' would burden you with? Nearly all of us have issues, even the ones who look like they have everything together. To me it seems far more fulfilling and meaningful to help each other work through things and to learn to love someone for their issues than for two perfect people who don't need each other to be boring and perfect together. I don't for a moment believe that it's impossible to find someone who would be happy to be burdened with you and all that you are.

That's what I thought too, that everyone has something. That we could help each other, and that we'd grow closer through that. No ones perfect, I would never expect anyone else to be. I thought that kind of thing was just part of the territory, and you have to learn to support each other.

I've been told I'm wrong by multiple people, on multiple boards and in pm's, all of whose are kind and helpful posters. They all have way more experience with this kind of thing, so I'm inclined to believe they know more than I do, and what I was hoping for just doesn't exist for me.
---

KogaSteelfang posted...

That's what I thought too, that everyone has something. That we could help each other, and that we'd grow closer through that. No ones perfect, I would never expect anyone else to be. I thought that kind of thing was just part of the territory, and you have to learn to support each other.

I've been told I'm wrong by multiple people, on multiple boards and in pm's, all of whose are kind and helpful posters. They all have way more experience with this kind of thing, so I'm inclined to believe they know more than I do, and what I was hoping for just doesn't exist for me.

These kind and helpful people are telling you that nobody would want to be with you and that you should just give up?
---

Anony1125 posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

That's what I thought too, that everyone has something. That we could help each other, and that we'd grow closer through that. No ones perfect, I would never expect anyone else to be. I thought that kind of thing was just part of the territory, and you have to learn to support each other.

I've been told I'm wrong by multiple people, on multiple boards and in pm's, all of whose are kind and helpful posters. They all have way more experience with this kind of thing, so I'm inclined to believe they know more than I do, and what I was hoping for just doesn't exist for me.

These kind and helpful people are telling you that nobody would want to be with you and that you should just give up?

No, just that I'm unfit to be with as I am. That I need to fix myself before I can consider being with anybody. It just feels like they're saying I'm not worth being with, and it seems like half my issues are from being unwanted anyway. I thought being with somebody be good, but I guess not.
---

Single for 20. Unless you consider fucking around for 1 and a half years as being "in a relationship", then about 3 months.

Married for three years, been together six before that.

In a relationship for soon 8 years, engaged for 6.
---

Yes. Very happily so.
---

In a relationship, been together 5 and a half years now
---

Single but my heart has belonged to Jesus for the last 23 years
---

Single. Last relationship was shortly after HS, and was never in a serious relationship that went past physical.

I was too angry and violent growing up, and I don't want anyone in my life until I fix myself up more. Turning 28 next month and I'm starting to feel that I'll be too late when I finally feel like I deserve someone.
---

Married for 16 years
---

KogaSteelfang posted...

No, just that I'm unfit to be with as I am. That I need to fix myself before I can consider being with anybody. It just feels like they're saying I'm not worth being with, and it seems like half my issues are from being unwanted anyway. I thought being with somebody be good, but I guess not.

Well I hope you'll listen to me as somebody who's in a situation that's not so different from yours. At 27 I'd had no experience with women, but stumbled into a quasi-relationship with an oddly persistent woman. She was unattractive and selfish. She was a liar, and a thief. She was heavily into drugs, including heroin now if I credit what I hear. She was jaded and cynical and never happy. She would constantly lie to me and solicit suggestive pictures that she would turn around and show to other people. She was an absolutely awful idea on my part. Just atrocious. I let her use me as a doormat for a while before she threw me away as disdainfully as she possibly could.

I'm not sure if I could overstate how grateful I am to her. Her coming into my life was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'd had this conception of relationships and love as something remote, something on a pedestal, something miles away from me. She took a needle to that bubble with sadistic glee, and it was liberating for me. It got me out of my own head a little and helped me stop overthinking about these things. Just getting some experience, however embarrassing it ultimately was, was really valuable.

It's been just over a month since that absurd experiment ended, and I haven't magically turned into a 'Chad'. I'm still an ugly, awkward, lonely loser. But I'm much happier now than I have been in a long time, and I have absolute faith that I'm going to find somebody better. It's really not so hard after all when we tear down these walls we put up around ourselves. I really think you should just find somebody. Anybody. Not Ms. Right, just somebody as lonely as you are, because that's not so rare as you might think. Just something different to pull yourself out of that rut and to get some experience and to hopefully change your whole perspective on these things. If I can do it, I find it difficult to believe that you can't.
---

I'm dating somebody so I'd say I'm not really "single" but right now I'd still be willing to bang another hot chick

Married for over 10 years.
---

Been with my boyfriend for nearly a year.
---

Engaged. 3 years. 3 kids.

Anony1125 posted...

Well I hope you'll listen to me as somebody who's in a situation that's not so different from yours. At 27 I'd had no experience with women, but stumbled into a quasi-relationship with an oddly persistent woman. She was unattractive and selfish. She was a liar, and a thief. She was heavily into drugs, including heroin now if I credit what I hear. She was jaded and cynical and never happy. She would constantly lie to me and solicit suggestive pictures that she would turn around and show to other people. She was an absolutely awful idea on my part. Just atrocious. I let her use me as a doormat for a while before she threw me away as disdainfully as she possibly could.

I'm not sure if I could overstate how grateful I am to her. Her coming into my life was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'd had this conception of relationships and love as something remote, something on a pedestal, something miles away from me. She took a needle to that bubble with sadistic glee, and it was liberating for me. It got me out of my own head a little and helped me stop overthinking about these things. Just getting some experience, however embarrassing it ultimately was, was really valuable.

It's been just over a month since that absurd experiment ended, and I haven't magically turned into a 'Chad'. I'm still an ugly, awkward, lonely loser. But I'm much happier now than I have been in a long time, and I have absolute faith that I'm going to find somebody better. It's really not so hard after all when we tear down these walls we put up around ourselves. I really think you should just find somebody. Anybody. Not Ms. Right, just somebody as lonely as you are, because that's not so rare as you might think. Just something different to pull yourself out of that rut and to get some experience and to hopefully change your whole perspective on these things. If I can do it, I find it difficult to believe that you can't.

I'm glad that happened for you. I wouldn't want you to end up like me. Now you're 7 years younger than me, with more experience, and ready to gain more. Soon you'll be with someone better, and be happy.
---

Single for about 4 years.
---

Single for 22 and a half years
---

In a relationship for 3, going on 4 years. Haven't been single since I was like 15 through progressive back to back relationships, this being the longest -- and best.
---