Current Events > There will be a reward for whoever posts the most in this topic

(+) Yeah! (+)

If a bird refuses to accept defeat would you call it a soar loser?
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If your cat was supporting your roof would you call it a caterpillar?
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Why did the cannibal not like clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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So the other day I saw this guy drop his silverware.

I said "knife job guy! Oh sorry was that too spoon?"

He responded "fork you"
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What do you call a machine that propels a boat through water with long wooden paddles?

A rowbot!
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When you step into the Rick and Morty fandom realm, you're not going any old place. You're coming to the underground fight club of intellect. Prepare to be mentally battered. But don't worry, after you've spent your newbie time being cognitively pummeled, you'll have joined the ranks of the mental elite.

Then you'll see the world for what it truly is. All those people going around without a thought in their head. You'll hate it. You'll become just like him. And you'll start loving it. The power of intelligence, of absolute intellectual superiority. It'll become a high you chase, constantly learning and experimenting.
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This is probably the most accurate representation of Rick. He is holding a bitten apple, which is a representation of sin in Christianity. The reason this makes sense is because he's a scientist time-traveler that's probably sinned over 1000 times. I like this because it actually makes some sense once you start to think about it.
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Mario throws his hat onto a man, Dave.

Instantly, Mario knows everything that defines Dave. Mario goes to Dave's job, does Dave's work. Mario gets a promotion. Mario goes on a blind date with a sister of Dave's coworker. Soon he marries her. They adopt a dog, buy a house, and then have children.

Decades pass. He shares years of wedded bliss with his wife. His children grow up, and have children of their own. Finally, at the end of it all, Mario is on his deathbed.

"My son," he calls to Dave Jr., "I have lived a long and fulfilling life, and now I am ready to move on. I did my best to give you, your mother, and your brothers and sisters everything you needed. There is only one more thing I have to give you."

"No Dad, save your strength. All I want is more time with you," Dave Jr. says through his tears.

"It's alright, my boy. I don't have much time left anyway. Please, before I go, take my hat. I want you to have it."

"But Dad," Dave Jr. says, "You've never taken off your hat. Are you sure?"

"Yes, son. Take it, and promise me you'll wear it."

"I will Dad, I promise. I'll put it on right now."

Dave Jr. gingerly removes the old and faded hat from his father's head. By the time he puts it on himself, Dave has passed away without a sound.

But Dave Jr. does not realize it. Mario stretches his new limbs, and smiles with his new mouth.

There are no more game overs.
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I cannot adequately express my pure hatred of sleep paralysis. If youve never experienced it, permit me to describe last nights experience for you.

I awoke in the middle of the night with a feeling of dread - not the dread you feel before going into a meeting with your boss because you know hes not happy with you, but that dread which comes from the very depths of your soul, where youre aware of something seriously wrong but cant quite put your finger on it. I laid quietly in bed and I listened to the silence in my bedroom for a few moments, then I felt it. A wave of pure evil slowly permeated my surroundings and filled me with terror beyond imagining. A moment later at the foot of my bed, my mattress slowly sank into itself as if someone was climbing onto it. My fight or flight response kicked into full gear as I felt it whatever it was- slowly crawl up the bed and over my body. I felt the weight of something absolutely malevolent on top of me, and I just /knew/ that it intended to do me harm. Panicking at my inability to move so I could escape, I tried yelling for help but no sound came out even my vocal cords were paralyzed. The amount of sheer terror I felt at that moment is indescribable; the malevolence bearing down on top of me hungered for me. I needed to escape, but escape was impossible. Finally, through a herculean effort Im able to squeak a sound out; I struggle against my bonds and manage to break them.

GET OFF OF ME! I yell, thrashing my arms and legs about.

I sit up, panting and wide-eyed. Through the dim light entering the bedroom from outside I can see that there isnt anything in here with me and I realize it was a dream induced by sleep paralysis. Fuck me, I sigh, relieved that I was never in any danger. I laid my head back down and attempted to go back to sleep. Just as Im sinking back into the sweet comfort of sleep, I heard my closet door click shut.
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I am sorry to be the baron of bad news, but you seem buttered, so allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies, and are more than just ice king on the cake. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite.

So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality.

I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the fax, instead of making a half-harded effort. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it's a peach of cake.
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Sakurai copypasta

I saw Masahiro Sakurai at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didnt want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, Oh, like youre doing now?

I was taken aback, and all I could say was Huh? but he kept cutting me off and going huh? huh? huh? and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like Sir, you need to pay for those first. At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually to prevent any electrical infetterence, and then turned around and winked at me. I dont even think thats a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
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Anyone got that applebees copypasta?
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@Hey

Hey
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pikachupwnage posted...

@Hey

Hey

Hi there. Consider checking out some of my other topics and joining the fam sometime.
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@YourDrunkFather

Do you approve of me yet daddy?
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Hey posted...

pikachupwnage posted...

@Hey

Hey

Hi there. Consider checking out some of my other topics and joining the fam sometime.

Perhaps I shall.
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@NeonOctopus

Yo man what's up?
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Let's post some fun game shows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL4HSk4MUUw
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=482s&v=d76zDh6ldfI
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51yYcZLM4GA
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@Japan

Why are your game shows the best thing ever?
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Huh surprised no one had that username
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@AmericaTheBrave

This is what a proud patriot has achieved.

You should be proud of your countryman.
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oh boy oh boy oh boy
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Oh girl oh girl oh girl
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My dear boy. This peace is what all true warriors strive for,
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If a cow composed a song would you call it moosic?
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If you got fired for kicking someone In the balls I supposed two people got sacked that day.
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I built a vacuum cleaner. My dad told me it sucked.
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@The_Doge

Post me a doggo pic to give me strength.
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This topic is RAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW
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Goku can beat superman.
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pikachupwnage posted...

@The_Doge

Post me a doggo pic to give me strength.

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The_Doge posted...

pikachupwnage posted...

@The_Doge

Post me a doggo pic to give me strength.

Thank you fren
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@Doge

Keep em coming!
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The_Doge posted...

Such regality
Much decrees
Wow
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@Hey

What are the percenta for the top 3 now lol.
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