Current Events > Someone pls reassure me that I did the right thing tonight.

(+) Yeah! (+)

My (thankfully now ex) girlfriend has been extremely depressed and suicidal lately. Has told me about plans to kill herself, talks frequently about wanting to die tells me I'm all she has in life, and so on. We generally see each other at least 4 days a week; she's been extremely depressed about not seeing me enough (mind, we had plans friday), not talking enough when the only time we don't is bc of work, abd so on.

Last week, I had to call 911 because I thought she was trying to kill herself. She was being intentionally cryptic about it, talking about how many pills she had taken, and so on. Told the police she meant we were breaking up; immediately after, when we went inside, was telling me how important I am to her and how much she loves me and how much I hurt her doing that. Cops had nothing, but assured me I did the right thing.

Tonight, she had taken a total of 5 oxycodone throughout the night, saying she "Has nothing to live for", "doesn't want to go on", "is losing touch with reality", "wants to sleep forever", she's been "punishing herself daily with pills and not eating" for "hurting" me, and again that I'm all she's got and she wishes me well in life. I had started to head to her house when she mentioned not want to go on and shit, could not get in touch with her or get anyone to answer the door. Last contact had been about 7 minutes before I got there, she had told me she took another oxy (#5 that I am aware of) and "felt weird" and needed to "go for a walk". After 15 or so minutes of trying to get an answer, I called 911 again. Cop sees the messages, says that they're definitely concerning but just vague enough to possible not give probable cause to kick in the door. Cops finally about to force entry when we get her to answer. She tells them that she had taken only 2, that she didn't mean anything by those messages or sone shit and that we had broken up and I wasn't getting the message. Cop who saw the messages seemed to sympathize with me, I had told him her history and he agreed that she seems to know well enough not to directly say anything, and advised me to move on. Other cops looked at me like a fucking lunatic and told me to go home. One was telling me essentially that I had wasted their time. On the way home she messaged me and said we're done, and I felt the most relief I have in weeks.

I just need reassurance that I'm not fucking insane and that I did the right thing here, despite whatever the hell she told those police. I can sleep knowing that at this point I've done literally every last thing I can to help her, but I still need reassurance that I did the right thing.


This shit is insane and I'm glad it's finally over.
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It's not your fault dude.
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Ilishe posted...

It's not your fault dude.

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You did the right thing, heck i'd say you did the only thing you could do in this situation.
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Ilishe posted...

It's not your fault dude.

But I had every reason to call the police tonight right? I'm not fucking deranged for having to resort to that?
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Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.
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Not only did you do the right thing, but you did the only reasonable thing you could do.
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Blue_Dream87 posted...

Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.

Wise words here.
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You did the right thing. Also its best for you to keep someone like that out of your life.
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Blue_Dream87 posted...

Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.

She'll either do that or launch a bitter smear campaign saying I'm a stalker or some shit but I have the chatlogs proving exactly the opposite
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Jesus fucking Christ she sounds like a train wreck, you did the right thing, especially if she says to someone else that you were broken up. Like, okay, if that's what you're telling people, see you never. Bye.
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Yeah, sounds like you did the right thing. Sorry you've had such a rough go at life recently. Maybe things will pick up now.
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I just didn't want to try and call her bluff and have it turn out to be real this time. The things she was saying (mostly exactly as quoted in op) seemed more than the usual bullshit manipulation.


I'll get in deeper detail about the specific brand of insanity tomorrow, it gets much worse than just lying about our relationship to a cop.
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butthole666 posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.

She'll either do that or launch a bitter smear campaign saying I'm a stalker or some shit but I have the chatlogs proving exactly the opposite

Dude, if she does that, she was never worth your time to begin with.
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If she's making suicide threats to keep you around, she's a fucking lunatic. I suggest cutting her out of your life entirely. And getting your side out there first because these people are masters of playing wounded gazelle.
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I mean most of our shared social circle already knows she's fucking tapped and tried to warn me. We work within the same company so she'll probably shit on me to no end at her store but I don't really know anyone there so idgaf. If it gets bad, I'm the one with evidence.


Worst she has are a couple dick pics and embarrassing photo edits.
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You made the right decision. Don't go back.
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Calling the police on a suicidal person can easily turn fatal because of police escalation or else it acts as a catalyst to make them not fail the next time they try. Especially if they ended up in a mandatory psych hold.

It's very difficult but at least you did what you thought was right. But how you proceed from here (as others said, if she tries coming back), well... That's the bigger test.
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gunplagirl posted...

Calling the police on a suicidal person can easily turn fatal because of police escalation or else it acts as a catalyst to make them not fail the next time they try. Especially if they ended up in a mandatory psych hold.

It's very difficult but at least you did what you thought was right. But how you proceed from here (as others said, if she tries coming back), well... That's the bigger test.

Yes I am aware of this line of thinking

It's horseshit

If someone has potentially taken an assload of pills and is nowhere to be found, forced entry could be the only way to save them. There's a reason I was there for nearly 15 minutes before I made the decision to call.
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Can't really say anything that others haven't already said. You did the right thing and the best thing to do is to try not to get involved with her anymore
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Definitely break it off with her and have it stay broken.

As far as the police? It's a toss up. I've had friends who were depressed and other friends called the police on them and they got taken away to a place that they should not have been in. It pretty much ruined their employment and mental stability for a bit. On the other hand, if you care about a person and think that they're gonna hurt themselves seriously (by looking at all of the evidence presented in you), you're being a good friend/SO by calling someone to stop them. However, I think it's best for a friend to show up before the police do.

It doesn't matter in some cases, though. She sounds psychologically manipulative. I've seen the tactics used by both men and women - "stay with me or I'll kill myself". When that happens, lots of people default to trying to save the person themselves. Usually doesn't work out. They'll just try to drag you down with them. Best to cut loose.
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You did good. Glad you finally got away from her and in the best way you could so you don't have to feel so bad about the whole situation. I know you've been struggling with it for awhile. Please don't let her back in to your life!

Drop her like a bad habit, if you don't she will keep doing this to you.
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That woman is fucked in the head. You did everything right in this scenario.

It sounds to me like she wanted as much attention as she could get, and then tried to make you look bad when it was all said and done to.
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On the plus side she presumably doesn't know how to kill herself proper considering that five percocets won't kil anyone. Then again I guess I am making an assumption that shes not knocking back 80mg ocs

And again, police were a last resort; I had no idea if she had taken more, no clue what the dosage of each pill is or whether she was on percs or oxys, or if she was even in her damn house. I tried everything I could to resolve this without involving outside parties, and when nothing worked I had to make sure she wasn't dead or dying.


And yeah fucking up her employment was obv a huge concern with calling the cops, bc that woukd maje everything much worse, but it seemed like I had no other choice.


I'm just glad this can be over.
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I say yeah, bitch is crazy best to leave her be honestly.

butthole666 posted...

And again, police were a last resort; I had no idea if she had taken more, no clue what the dosage of each pill is or whether she was on percs or oxys, or if she was even in her damn house. I tried everything I could to resolve this without involving outside parties, and when nothing worked I had to make sure she wasn't dead or dying.


And yeah fucking up her employment was obv a huge concern with calling the cops, bc that woukd maje everything much worse, but it seemed like I had no other choice.


I'm just glad this can be over.

Yeah, the thing is that in these types of cases, you never know for sure, so it has a possibility of being a bad situation regardless of what choice you make.

But it looks like it worked out here so I'm happy for ya.
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She would talk about how the relationship was everything to her and how much I mean, yet she was always actively sabotaging it. In pretty much any scenario you can imagine, i would be wrong/she would get upset no matter how I acted.
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butthole666 posted...

she would get upset no matter how I acted.

Exactly, get as far away as possible and don't be surprised when she starts talking a lot of shit about you.
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I know I gave you some shit in the pregnancy scare topics but it was only because I've been in this situation before and know what it looks like. Women like her will use any tool available to them to manipulate you emotionally. So it's good that you called the police because now she knows she can't take it that far without dragging other people into it, people that she doesn't have her hooks in yet, and it will blow up in her face.

So for you personally it was the right choice because you know you can do what's right for the other person even when it's hard and that means you have a good shot at a happy relationship some day (with someone else), and it was the right thing for her because now she's not as likely to pull this stuff on the next guy.

I remember the feeling of relief when I escaped from a similar situation. I thought it would hurt but it was like being trapped in a stuffy room for months and then stepping outside and breathing the fresh air.
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I don't think you did anything wrong. She desperately needs treatment and I hope she gets the help she needs.
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butthole666 posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.

She'll either do that or launch a bitter smear campaign saying I'm a stalker or some shit but I have the chatlogs proving exactly the opposite

Watch out man, there have been several cases like this where after going through mental episodes, it followed with sexual/physical assault accusations to shift all the attentions away from the women.

It happened to a popular youtuber before. They might not file charges, but they will make a scene on social media to fuck up the guys' life.

Lol
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You should enable GPS location and all associated logging options in your phone. I think there's an option in Android at least to track and log your location 24/7. This could potentially save you if any false accusations are made. You should also start purchasing everything with a card so you're logged at that location. And if you live in a state where two-party consent isn't needed for audio recordings you should install an app to automatically record all calls.

These precautions may seem excessive but remember that you're dealing with an unstable person and would be wise to expect the unexpected.
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JosefuJustice11 posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

Just a heads up: she's gonna try to crawl back soon. Don't let her.

Otherwise you did what you could, and now you can wash your hands of her filth and move on.

Wise words here.

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She's an actual fucjing psychopath. I just get the best sleep I have in weeks. Holy shit.
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Ok, for once I won't ask you about your shitty user name.

This was definitely the right option, she was cleary crazy and was only going to drag you down with her.

Wipe your hands clean, you no longer need to worry about this person.

I also STRONGLY suggest blocking her from your phone/social media/etc. or she will keep trying to drag you down.
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Ilishe posted...

It's not your fault dude.

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You just let go of an emotional abuser, and dodged a bullet. You gotta look out for number one, and that is yourself.
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You made the right decision. Now completely and totally cut her out of your life to the best extent you can. Block her phone number. Block her on social media. It sucks that you work with her so you can't make a clean break, but at work be civil and polite but only engage with her to extent you are required to in order to perform your job. Delete none of the text you have have received from her. In fact you should probably make a backup of the text just in case.

Also, and this will be hard, do not blame yourself if she does harm or kill herself. You did what you could, she used threats of self-harm to try and emotionally manipulate you. You owe her nothing further and whatever she does is not on you.
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Now, let this be a lesson to anyone seeing this to avoid the weird glutton-for-punishment shit that TC was doing. Instead do what Leana did a little while back and actually take the goddamn relationship advice as soon as it is offered.

Anyways, Spork, hope you do what I suggested a few topics ago and just knock back a few drinks while playing video games.
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Fuck drinks my cousin will smoke me up whenever
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JosefuJustice11 posted...

Ilishe posted...

It's not your fault dude.

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Also we work for the same company, but diff locations. I'm gonna tell my closest friend at mine what went down just so the thruth is out there in case she decides to try some shit.
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Sounds like you did the right thing to me.
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hyperpsycho posted...

Sounds like you did the right thing to me.

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hyperpsycho posted...

Sounds like you did the right thing to me.

ur username is her
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