Current Events > So, it's been roughly one year since I first started taking hormones.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Around late April of last year, I started the androgen blockers, and shortly after that, I started taking the actual estradial shots.

And as expected, there's only so much hormones can do. What you're born with matters a lot more. I'm thinking I'll probably have to get facial reconstruction, but sadly, there's nothing that can be done about this body. ;_; And also, facial reconstruction is super expensive, so I dunno if I can even get that.

Anyway, here's to my 1 year anniversary. ;.; Yay... And here's to another year...
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Every travel starts with a small step.
Congrats.
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ok
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pics

Of progress
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Whats wrong with the body? Are you built like a big guy?
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Foppe posted...

Every travel starts with a small step.
Congrats.

Thanks... Even if it doesn't change much, a little change is better than nothing, right? ^^;

ReignFury posted...

Whats wrong with the body? Are you built like a big guy?

Sadly, yes. There is nothing feminine about my body, aside from maybe my height. I'm 5'5, but honestly wish I was shorter... And as for my body, it's incredibly good at developing muscle. Despite the fact that I do absolutely nothing, it's still noticeable. I have incredibly broad shoulders, and my arms are pretty big. There's nothing slender about my frame, or my torso, if you were ever to see it. My legs and knees are noticeably masculine, and so are my hands. Someone commented that they were pretty big...

So yes, everything about me is pretty masculine. I'll never be seen as a girl.

Trayvon posted...

pics

Vegy posted...

Of progress

Are you sure about that? ¬_¬ Are you really sure? I tried to take a few pics, but they're incredibly bad. Embarrassingly bad...




.




I tried to get a better shot of my whole body, but the mirror can only show so much, and I don't have a full length mirror...



Then I learned that the iPhone actually has a self-timer feature, which I thought smartphones didn't have in the day and age of selfies. So I propped it up on the dresser and tried to get a better shot.



You were probably expecting a cute girl like the other CEgals here (or Sayoria) but instead, you just get a bishouneon crossdresser. ;_; Unfortunately, this is the best I could do...
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Would you say it was worth it?
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don't see why you'd think you'd need any sort of facial surgery tbh

you look just fine
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smile more

also dont worry no one could match sayoria's hotness
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glitteringfairy posted...

Would you say it was worth it?

To be honest, when I take my shot, or the pills, sometimes I think to myself, "Why am I even doing this? Why do I bother? It's not going to help..." And for the most part, it is pointless. But at the same time, there's a part of me that couldn't stop even if I had to. For as hopeless as it is that I'll ever be seen as a girl, I don't think I could stop doing this, or destroy this part of me if I tried.

TheGoldenEel posted...

don't see why you'd think you'd need any sort of facial surgery tbh

you look just fine

To make my face look feminine. I cherry-picked the better-looking ones, but I've actually had someone I know say to me one day, "Your face is very handsome." and continued, saying, "Let me tell you something... This being-a-girl thing, it's not working out for you." Of course, that's already confirming what I already know...

acidic_eggs posted...

smile more

I smiled in like, half of those pictures. ¬_¬ But you're right, a smile is a girl's best feature...

also dont worry no one could match sayoria's hotness

;_;
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Kisai posted...

To make my face look feminine. I cherry-picked the better-looking ones, but I've actually had someone I know say to me one day, "Your face is very handsome." and continued, saying, "Let me tell you something... This being-a-girl thing, it's not working out for you." Of course, that's already confirming what I already know...

eh i think you look plenty feminine

and no offense, maybe try not dressing like a 90-year-old woman?
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yeah u gotta get some hype clothes
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TheGoldenEel posted...

and no offense, maybe try not dressing like a 90-year-old woman?

I... Do I really look like that? Seriously?? I was afraid that particular outfit was too... anime-ish, too... cosplay-ish... I had no idea it was that much worse...

acidic_eggs posted...

yeah u gotta get some hype clothes

Yeah, well, with the body type that I have, I'm very, very limited on what I can wear. What did you expect? If you think I can dress like a typical young 20s woman or something, we're both going to be disappointed. ;_;

I can't wear miniskirts, I can't wear skirts above the knee in general, I can't wear sleeves above the elbow, I can't wear sleeveless, I can't swear sleeves that are too form-fitting... Basically, loose elbow-length or long-sleeved, or I get nothing. Nothing with a small, tight collar, no sandals... Swimsuits might as well be another dimension. There's not just no discussion about them, there's no chance they could even be a thought.

I basically can't wear anything. I guess this proves my lack of femininity with how much I lack any fashion sense... (Not that I have anything to work with anyway...)
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please. there are plenty of hideous women out therestuffing themselves into tights and skirts they have no business wearing

you'd do just fine dressing like an average 20-something woman. i think it's all in your head
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You look fine, I think it's the outfit

The way you described yourself, I expected something close to some fat guy crossdressing as Sailor Moon at some anime convention.
Ive seen uglier cis females, and you are not looking bad. I think it is just in your head because you see your face daily.
As for clothes, it may take a while getting out of your comfort zone. Stockings, pantyhose and long socks are great at covering up nude legs, and they even make male legs look good.
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muchdran posted...

You look fine, I think it's the outfit

I actually thought that pleated skirt looked kind of neat when I first saw it. ;_; One person even complimented it. But now I'm sealing it away, forever.

TheGoldenEel posted...

please. there are plenty of hideous women out therestuffing themselves into tights and skirts they have no business wearing

you'd do just fine dressing like an average 20-something woman. i think it's all in your head

Yeah, but they still have feminine bodies... I mean, my body shape has been pretty well-hidden, so you guys don't really know just how masculine it is, but... if you really think I can... I still have to be mindful to find clothing that hides this body, though.

Foppe posted...

The way you described yourself, I expected something close to some fat guy crossdressing as Sailor Moon at some anime convention.

In my opinion, it's not too far off... -_- Just replace some of that fat with muscle.

Ive seen uglier cis females, and you are not looking bad. I think it is just in your head because you see your face daily.
As for clothes, it may take a while getting out of your comfort zone. Stockings, pantyhose and long socks are great at covering up nude legs, and they even make male legs look good.

..."not looking bad"? ¬_¬ Anyway, do you mean covering legs completely? Because I've seen what my legs look like in long socks that don't cover them completely. It looks terrible. ;_; But I have worn leggings/panthose that cover them completely, and I guess it looked okay... I just have to find shoes that match again. Which is a pain, because my feet are huge...

Anyway, even though I might disagree, I appreciate the encouragement. ^^ I guess if I try this again, I'll try wearing something different and veer out of my "comfort zone" juuuuuust a little. But I don't have much I can wear. Last time I posted a pic on CE a few years ago, someone said, "That doesn't look like something a young person would wear", and it was pretty much the only other outfit I have besides this one. ;_; I'll see what I can do.
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I honestly think you look fine. I'm also digging the super conservative look.
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acidic_eggs posted...

also dont worry no one could match sayoria's hotness

I don't think I've even seen a picture of Sayoria
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do brazilian jiu jitsu

it tones the booty muscles

source; my booty muscles

Does it feel weird knowing you'll never actually look like a woman?

(Who knows, you might, but it sounds like even you don't have too much hope)
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You aren't as big as you think you are.
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Don't give up. Please don't fall into despair and hopelessness. I know people going through this and it's a tough journey but ultimately you are becoming you... it's going to take awhile and a lot of effort. You can do it.
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soulunison2 posted...

do brazilian jiu jitsu

it tones the booty muscles

source; my booty muscles

Eh? Shouldn't I be doing... the opposite of that? If I want a more slender body, shouldn't I avoid building muscle at all? I mean, I've already got quite a bit, and on top of having a thick body... Really? Are you sure? I don't even really know what brazilian jiu jitsu is...

iron jojo posted...

You aren't as big as you think you are.

For you.

_Krave_ posted...

Does it feel weird knowing you'll never actually look like a woman?

(Who knows, you might, but it sounds like even you don't have too much hope)

Ah, someone who... sort of understands. ^^; To be honest, it's incredibly saddening to think about. As mentioned before, what you're born with ultimately matters the most. It's one of the reasons why I hate seeing traps in anime, or actual passable, cute transgender girls/crossdressers. To have that sort of feminine appearance or voice, you have to be born with it. It's a constant reminder of my own masculinity and what I can never have... I wasn't given a cute, feminine appearance like that. Nobody will ever see my body or face or hear my voice and think they're talking to a girl. Maybe a cute, bishoneon guy, but... nobody will ever see me as a girl.

Vyrulisse posted...

Don't give up. Please don't fall into despair and hopelessness. I know people going through this and it's a tough journey but ultimately you are becoming you... it's going to take awhile and a lot of effort. You can do it.

Thank you, @Vyrulisse. I appreciate the thoughts. But... at the risk of sounding contrarian again, it's not like you can change anything, physically. There's not really any journey, or effort that can change your body. You can sort of alter it, with hormones. But... What you see in those pictures is what I'll look like, forever. ;.; (Actually, it could probably get worse, considering I'm 33...) But again, thank you. It means a lot to me, hearing that.

EverDownward posted...

I honestly think you look fine. I'm also digging the super conservative look.

Ah, you're just being nice. ^^ But sorry, the majority has spoken.
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Perhaps as a base but there are many things you can do to change how you look if that is your wish. A style change would do wonders for superficial changes, and there are surgeries you can pursue if you have the means. Just don't give up or get down on yourself. Being honest you don't look bad, your style is not mine but that's another conversation for another day. :P Just try to stay positive about it.
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A couple things. YOu have really nice skin, and love the bedspread.

And some people who were born with female parts have masculine features. Broad shoulders and all that. I don't look at you and think 'man', I think 'somewhat masculine woman' and there's a biiiiiiiiiig difference between the two. I think you're being your own worst critic here.
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Do you date boys or girls?
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Don't overhype Sayoria - Everyone knows Koyuga is the hottest ;)
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The skirt is not that bad, perhaps it need to be some cm shorter. It can still be below your knees.

In my opinion, it's not too far off... -_- Just replace some of that fat with muscle.

You look much better than you believe.

..."not looking bad"? ¬_¬ Anyway, do you mean covering legs completely? Because I've seen what my legs look like in long socks that don't cover them completely. It looks terrible. ;_; But I have worn leggings/panthose that cover them completely, and I guess it looked okay...

You are no 10. Lookwise, I honestly see nothing that would make me skip a date with you.
And Im sure that your legs looks good both not completely and completely covered.
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<3 looking great dear
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There are many unattractive manly women out there who were born as such that aren't as cute or feminine as you. Your look may not be ideal to you but I hope that your outlook on yourself changes. From your responses here you need to work on that self esteem. Also those frumpy clothes look like you haven't experimented much with finding flattering things that accentuate your body or appear to make you have one. Women do have cuts, styles, and what not to do that because some of us are working with nothing naturally. Surely you will figure out the things over time that work for you.

I keep hearing about this "sayoria" woman. I request pics immediately.
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Wow TC youve really oversold your issues, you might have body dismorphia but I definitely think you look more like a woman than and guy dressing as a woman. Im surprised youre not happy with you progress, your final result should be really good.
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Also BJJ will thicken your hands and forearms from clinching, stick with yoga if youre worried about bulking.
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yeah long socks are hype

wear them
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I think you look great, keep it up!
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Kisai posted...

For you.

Huh
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Keep going. You'll get there.
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That's a nice skirt. Where did you get it? My girlfriend likes that kind of stuff.

With a better shirt, it'd look great.

I like your skirt! Don't get rid of it :o I'm not trans, but I work with a lot of women, and maybe you could try using a body shaper or something like? Spanx or a corset like thing. You might be able to get a bit more of a feminine shape with that. It is all about proportions. Even if your legs and shoulders are big, a smaller waist would help balance it out

And your face is pretty enough as it is!

i would say you look more feminine than sayoria does

FrenchCrunch posted...

i would say you look more feminine than sayoria does

and she isn't a crazy trump supporter so there is that. :o So I'd rank TC above Sayoria easily.

and she isn't a crazy trump supporter so there is that. :o So I'd rank TC above Sayoria easily.

sayoria is a bad enough poster that you dont have to make shit up about her

Pretty sure you could get "str8" guys easily. I always wanted to become female as a young one but just grew up to be... a regular gay >_> Slightly jelly. Good luck though.
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FrenchCrunch posted...

and she isn't a crazy trump supporter so there is that. :o So I'd rank TC above Sayoria easily.

sayoria is a bad enough poster that you dont have to make shit up about her

Someone else posted it about her, I'm just repeating what I heard. I wasn't here then but they said she made a bunch of crazy threads during the election about Trump.

Someone else posted it about her, I'm just repeating what I heard.

donald trump himself literally uses this exact excuse

you could potentially pull off a brunette jodie foster type of look down the road but right now you still look like a dude.

TyYoshi posted...

Pretty sure you could get "str8" guys easily. I always wanted to become female as a young one but just grew up to be... a regular gay >_> Slightly jelly. Good luck though.

well... when i was like 5 years old I wanted everyone to call me Cinderella. But turns out I was just gay. :u