Current Events > I feel like my friends are doing a bad job raising their kids

(+) Yeah! (+)

To be clear, they're not being physically abusive, and I don't think they're emotionally abusive.

Two of my friends from high school got married right after they graduated college. They now have four children between the ages of 4 and 10, three boys and a girl. I feel like the mother is extremely sensitive to any signs of depression and self-harm, because she herself suffers from depression and had a sibling commit suicide.

As a result, I feel like she is being overprotective or paranoid about what is "normal child behavior" and what is "pathological." She has all four of the children in therapy for depression and anxiety, with the older two on medication. All four children are apparently on the spectrum to some degree, according to their family psychologist.

As an outsider, I have trouble seeing this when I visit them (which is usually twice a week). To me, they seem like normal kids doing normal kid behavior. But I know that if I brought this up they'd tell me I just don't understand because I'm not there all the time and they're not my kids.

But I am worried, because the oldest in particular seems destined for a bad life. He is ten, extremely overweight, and terminally online. The parents give in to his demands for screentime because he says if he doesn't have it he "wants to die." They had to begin home schooling him because he can't leave the house for long periods. He's been diagnosed as having "pathological demand avoidance," which is if someone asks you to do something you do everything you can to not do it. But I'm not 100% convinced that he actually has this or if he's just a scared and spoiled ten year old.

I feel like the parents are probably trying their best, and I know I probably just need to stay out of it, but I also feel like the kids are caught in some kind of depressed cycle or something, and they're depressed because they're mimicking the depressed nature of everyone else.

Anyway, I just wanted to express this somewhere. Any advice?

Are the parents happy with their lives?

boomgetchopped3 posted...

Are the parents happy with their lives?

Generally speaking, I'd say for the most part. Recently they have been expressing if they knew the oldest would have had so many problems they wouldn't have had four children. I think they are exhausted all the time.

While it does sound like the kid could use a better diet but I can't really fault a parent doing what they can for their child's mental health. Especially with things that can be heredity like major depression and the like.

colliding posted...

"pathological demand avoidance," which is if someone asks you to do something you do everything you can to not do it.

Isn't that average behavior for a kid of that age?

That's difficult. You aren't there all the time and wouldn't see all the issues. Are you around when the trigger for the issue happens? If for example it's anxiety around meeting new people, why would you experience that while at their house. At the same time, give me my fix (screentime) or I want to die sounds more like addiction than depression. Depression doesn't generally come and go that easily but is a more constant presence.

I'm sure you mean well, but this does feel like a 'mind your own business' type of thing, because as you pointed out, you aren't there all the time.