Current Events > I hate myself

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:28:06 PM
#1:


That's it. That's the post. Another night where I cry myself to sleep and then wake up early for work tomorrow.


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Nosferatu_Zodd
11/22/22 9:28:41 PM
#2:


Been there, done that

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VeggetaX
11/22/22 9:28:47 PM
#3:


If it makes you feel any better I am a kissless virgin and no one loves me.

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Johnny_Nutcase
11/22/22 9:29:18 PM
#4:


Tell me all about it. Why you cry yourself to sleep?

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:30:09 PM
#5:


Johnny_Nutcase posted...
Tell me all about it. Why you cry yourself to sleep?

Because the emotions are too strong.

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yemmy
11/22/22 9:31:52 PM
#6:


You'll be ok

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Flockaveli
11/22/22 9:32:34 PM
#7:


Emotions are great. I hate who I was without them.
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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:33:09 PM
#8:


yemmy posted...
You'll be ok

No I won't.

I have uniquely fucked up my life and gender identity to the point where I can't even function.

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Homeless_Waifu
11/22/22 9:33:20 PM
#9:


VeggetaX posted...
If it makes you feel any better I am a kissless virgin and no one loves me.
This so much

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#10
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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:35:31 PM
#11:


VeggetaX posted...
If it makes you feel any better I am a kissless virgin and no one loves me.

At least you didn't spend half your life trying to be a different gender to impress others. Then when you realize it was wrong, you have no fucking clue how to be your birth sex/gender.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:36:27 PM
#12:


[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yes I have. I was confident and successful and mentally stable and then I fucking threw it all away.

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Johnny_Nutcase
11/22/22 9:36:34 PM
#13:


DarkRoast posted...
No I won't.


Good attitude. And you're right because you won't talk about it.


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Lost_All_Senses
11/22/22 9:37:03 PM
#14:


Are you diagnosed as manic?

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:37:29 PM
#15:


Lost_All_Senses posted...
Are you diagnosed as manic?

Do I sound manic right now

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AlephZero
11/22/22 9:38:49 PM
#16:


haha same yolo

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MaxEffingBemis
11/22/22 9:39:09 PM
#17:


Lost_All_Senses posted...
Are you diagnosed as manic?
Shes pregnant, not manic

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:40:45 PM
#18:


As a stable guy with modest gender dysphoria it was a super not smart idea to get pregnant.

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Johnny_Nutcase
11/22/22 9:41:51 PM
#19:


Ok I can't even help with that. I'm tappin oot.

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MaxEffingBemis
11/22/22 9:42:53 PM
#20:


DarkRoast posted...
As a stable guy with modest gender dysphoria it was a super not smart idea to get pregnant.
No offense but I just do not understand why you had to be the one to carry and not your wife. You said before shes a hardcore lesbian, but what does that have to do with carrying a child?

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:43:49 PM
#21:


MaxEffingBemis posted...
No offense but I just do not understand why you had to be the one to carry and not your wife. You said before shes a hardcore lesbian, but what does that have to do with carrying a child?

She's extremely thin and has a fairly high risk of major complications.

I'm American so...

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:44:45 PM
#22:


Nothing says masculine like being fucking pregnant.


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MaxEffingBemis
11/22/22 9:45:01 PM
#23:


DarkRoast posted...
She's extremely thin and has a fairly high risk of major complications.

I'm American so...
ohhhh I see. I do recall youve also mentioned that high risk before.

but wait what does being American have to do with it. Is she not American?

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:46:37 PM
#24:


MaxEffingBemis posted...
ohhhh I see. I do recall youve also mentioned that high risk before.

but wait what does being American have to do with it. Is she not American?

She's Ethiopian. Was born there but came here when she was 3.

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Cobra1010
11/22/22 9:54:29 PM
#25:


I'm so confused here. How did you get pregnant? Why not adopt?

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 9:55:00 PM
#26:


Cobra1010 posted...
I'm so confused here. How did you get pregnant? Why not adopt?

Because I'm a fucking idiot. That's all you need to know.

I had my best friend since childhood fuck me every few weeks until I got pregnant because that's not fucked up or anything.

He always treated me like a guy. Then he was inside me. Over and over. We violated each other. I had to bury my face in a pillow every time and imagine anything but my best friend fucking me.

He's the closest friend I've ever had. Spent every day together for 20 years.

And he fucked me. And I asked him to.

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Robot2600
11/22/22 9:57:26 PM
#27:


yea but you kicked that rando's ass at chess. play more. get stronger. become a new god.

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Homeless_Waifu
11/22/22 9:58:49 PM
#28:


DarkRoast posted...
At least you didn't spend half your life trying to be a different gender to impress others. Then when you realize it was wrong, you have no fucking clue how to be your birth sex/gender.
To be honest. I simply have no friends, I always thought that trying to impress people would be a good way to make friends... Then I learned that people can take it the wrong way and see you as go getter or wanna be... Then people spread rumors and I eventually started trusting noone and became perpetually alone.


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ChocoboMogALT
11/22/22 9:59:18 PM
#29:


Gender is a crock. Fuck it. You are you, why does it matter if you are masculine or feminine or inbetween or neither. Switch it up every day if you want. Rock that preggo boygina with a beard on if that's how you feel.

Some peeps feel uncomfortable about their weight. Some feel insecure about height, money, skin color, or any number of things. Gender is just another social construct the stupid human brain tricks you into thinking is important. It's not. You're a human having a baby, that's what's important to you. Be whatever gender you do or don't want.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:02:16 PM
#30:


I'm mentally fucked up over what I had to do with my best friend. He literally even used male pronouns for me, before that was even a thing. He was my entire world for so long. Every secret shared, every game borrowed... Two decades.

And he fucked me while I wore headphones and listened to calm river sounds.

And he's just as scarred as I am. I ruined him.

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mustachedmystic
11/22/22 10:05:06 PM
#31:


What you need to remember is that, as bad as you might be feeling now, you wont feel this way forever.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:12:46 PM
#32:


I can't even sleep some nights because I still feel him inside me. Seeing me as a girl for the first time. Seeing me as vulnerable.

I still feel it.

I was his best bro but now I'm not. I was a guy just so I could be his friend but now I'm not.


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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:15:56 PM
#33:


I need therapy

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Alteres
11/22/22 10:18:30 PM
#34:


You need a hug and a good nights sleep.

I hope you can get some peace.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:19:25 PM
#36:


Now you know how fucked up this made me. I lost my masculinity, was penetrated by the man I spent my entire life trying to be like. Now I'm here alone, crying about not knowing who I am and because I've fucked up everything.

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bsp77
11/22/22 10:24:39 PM
#37:


Is he not your friend anymore? Sure the situation was weird and messed but I think you would move past it as friends if you allow it.

Why do you feel alone? Where is your partner?

And once you have the baby and reclaim your body, hopefully you will feel better.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:26:42 PM
#38:


bsp77 posted...
Is he not your friend anymore? Sure the situation was weird and messed but I think you would move past it as friends if you allow it.

Why do you feel alone? Where is your partner?

And once you have the baby and reclaim your body, hopefully you will feel better.

It bothered him a lot. We tried to laugh it off but I can't believe I asked him to do it.

It did not feel good for either of us.

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apolloooo
11/22/22 10:27:39 PM
#39:


DarkRoast posted...
I need therapy
That, you do need bro

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lord0fmud
11/22/22 10:29:55 PM
#40:


Guys bang each other all the time. Even just friends.
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#41
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Gremlynn
11/22/22 10:31:17 PM
#42:


DarkRoast posted...
Nothing says masculine like being fucking pregnant.

When in doubt, just go with the "Did Arnold Schwarzenegger do it? then it must be masculine" rule.

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#43
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Robot2600
11/22/22 10:31:45 PM
#44:


lord0fmud posted...
Guys bang each other all the time. Even just friends.


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apolloooo
11/22/22 10:33:09 PM
#45:


lord0fmud posted...
Guys bang each other all the time. Even just friends.
The problem is how comfortable the guy was doing it. It could be he didnt wanna do it but couldn't refuse because of his relationship with tc.

I don't know the whole story, but there seem to be a lot of buried guilt under all this, punctuated by pregnancy hormones. My best advice is

  1. talk it out. Have a heart to heart with this guy. Ask him how he felt apologize if necessary
  2. You wife should've been able to support you.
  3. Professional help

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:34:55 PM
#46:


He saw me as a girl for the first time. It shouldn't bother me but it really truly does. I was trans male just to hang out with him as a best friend. But then he was inside me. He was inside me T_T


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lord0fmud
11/22/22 10:35:17 PM
#47:


Or you could bang out your buddy. A little role reversal of you will.
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apolloooo
11/22/22 10:37:31 PM
#48:


DarkRoast posted...
He saw me as a girl for the first time. It shouldn't bother me but it really truly does. I was trans male just to hang out with him as a best friend. But then he was inside me. He was inside me T_T
Thus you have yo talk to him about the whole thing. Ask how he really feel. Ask how YOU feel. It could be he just doing a favor for his friend, and fulfill his best friend's wish or the opposite idk.

Just talk ok

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:38:00 PM
#49:


At least he hasn't seen me naked. I don't want him to see me this way.

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DarkRoast
11/22/22 10:38:45 PM
#50:


apolloooo posted...
Thus you have yo talk to him about the whole thing. Ask how he really feel. Ask how YOU feel. It could be he just doing a favor for his friend, and fulfill his best friend's wish or the opposite idk.

Just talk ok

I will. We haven't spoken a lot since then.

It's his child. Holy shit he impregnated me. My best friend T_T

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well-excuse-me
11/22/22 10:38:54 PM
#51:


VeggetaX posted...
If it makes you feel any better I am a kissless virgin and no one loves me.
You could at least pay a hooker to kiss and fuck you
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