Poll of the Day > I refused a co-workers offer to let me borrow her snow-scraper.

(+) Yeah! (+)

It is currently snowing where I have relocated to. It was the first time I had to deal with snow, not as a pretty sight to behold, but as an inconvenience to my commute. After work, when I was walking back to my car, the co-worker who had parked next to me offered to let me use her snow-scraper, as she did not very much feel at ease with the possibility that I would have to use my hands in order to clear the snow off my car. I turned her down, telling her that I would use a spare umbrella in order to get the job done. She looked downtrodden, and from what I could glean of her perfunctory remarks one would say in response to an apology, a bit regretful that she had to deal with one as rude as myself.

For the rest of the car-ride home, I thought of nothing else but how I potentially ruined the rest of her night. I thought of what brought this sort of behavior about. I thought of how I might delay her trip home by taking too long to scrape the snow off my car, because it would have been my first time using a snow-scraper. I thought about how I could have broken it during my clumsy usage of the instrument. I thought of how I always have a problem accepting help from others, in addition to compliments and praise. I thought of how accepting help makes me feel like a failure and an inferior, no matter how much I need the help.

It's one of the many reasons in school why I had not thought so highly of myself. I thoroughly regret having come in for tutoring for so often; it is one of the reasons why I feel as though I do not deserve my degree. I tell myself at times that it is but a piece of paper that merely serves as an indicator that I have successfully undertaken the curriculum prescribed to students of my order. Yet, because of my tendency to seek help during my college days, now I feel as though I have not earned the degree, which ultimately served no use to me anyway.

In any case, as a result of my inability to handle my issues, I guilt myself for having offended one of my co-workers. I tend to show similar treatment to others, as I have explained before. I tend not to greet people who pass me by. I brush off compliments and praise; I worry about how that affects those who give them to me. I tend to avoid social contact; I worry about how that makes my co-workers feel. I tend to avert my eyes from others, and avoid social contact at all costs, even though ironically, I write constantly of my loneliness. It's just far too scary to emotionally avail myself to others. I worry at times if I am a pernicious addition to my team. I worry if my simply being there hinders morale. I worry if my manager regrets having welcomed me into her team. It's true that she was informed previously that I may have a form of autism. Even so, I worry that I am detrimental to everyone else's emotional health.

I feel like I worry overmuch. Yet, how can I stop, when my worries have ostensible bases in reality? Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.

Holy wall of text

Okay bro, it's been like ten years. I think it's time to come clean. This is a gimmick account, right? Like, nobody actually speaks this way

dud posted...

gimmick account

It is not.

Fuck reading that atrocious wall of shit.

I've edited my original post. Hopefully, it will be easier to read.

...I just realized that I've forgotten an apostrophe in my topic title. <<';

If you ever think you overthink things (I know I do) just read one of this guy's posts

You should probably get diagnosed by a mental health professional if you are being sincere because this is not normal

EclairReturns posted...

I thought of how I might delay her trip home by taking too long to scrape the snow off my car,

She offered. Her getting home clearly wasn't a priority for her.
And if you were really taking too long, she could have helped and shown you how to do it efficiently.

EclairReturns posted...

I thought about how I could have broken it during my clumsy usage of the instrument.

They're usually made out of a thick plastic or metal. Good luck breaking it.

EclairReturns posted...

I thought of how I always have a problem accepting help from others, in addition to compliments and praise. I thought of how accepting help makes me feel like a failure and an inferior, no matter how much I need the help.

So, I completely get this train of thought as I often have the same thoughts. But if someone is offering help, it's okay to take it. They're offering. You're not holding them at gun point.