Current Events > What's the etiquette for putting arm around your date in a cinema?

(+) Yeah! (+)

On your first date with her.

Should you ask for her consent first or spontaneously do so?

I don't go to the movies on a first date because it's a really terrible first date idea.

Generally I don't think you should ask, as you should already have a feel for how touchy you can be and women like confidence, but if you're unsure and you haven't really been touchy before then it's fine to ask. Hell one of my recent first dates that ended up going really well we were out for cocktails and the girl asked me if she could snuggle up to me (although we'd already been a bit touchy leading up to that).

Edit: Actually my last movie date was a second date with the aforementioned girl, and we spent the whole movie kissing and snuggling and fondling each other because we had that great first date where we had drinks, talked a lot, and made out for like 6 hours afterwards. Movie dates are fun when you've already broken the touch barrier and are comfortable with each other.

You put your arm all the way behind her seat and then sit there uncomfortably for 2 hours because you are too scared to actually touch her.

We are watching Elvis because she really wants to see it.

I brought up going to the cinema in passing as a back up plan if it started raining, but she says she wants to go so we are.

Heavy_D_Forever posted...

You put your arm all the way behind her seat and then sit there uncomfortably for 2 hours because you are too scared to actually touch her.

This. But if she cuddles on you then you can make contact.

You also have to make sure you do the whole yawn and stretch performance. Make sure it's loud and annoying enough that people throw popcorn at you, that's how you can get some free popcorn instead of over paying for it.

Bass_X0 posted...

We are watching Elvis because she really wants to see it.

I brought up going to the cinema in passing as a back up plan if it started raining, but she says she wants to go so we are.

If you're able to, I'd at least go to dinner first or grab drinks first.

Nerevar791 posted...

If you're able to, I'd at least go to dinner first or grab drinks first.

Yeah we are doing that first and going to a museum.

Bass_X0 posted...

Yeah we are doing that first and going to a museum.

Nice! Thats cool then. Good luck

I'd say it doesn't hurt to ask. Woman like confidence, but consent is also important too.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/5/AABA6UAADdk3.jpg

And so I didnt.

She also fell asleep watching Elvis for like ten minutes, the movie she chose for us to watch, and I noticed that she was messaging someone on her phone during the movie.

Bass_X0 posted...

And so I didnt.

She also fell asleep watching Elvis for like ten minutes, the movie she chose for us to watch, and I noticed that she was messaging someone on her phone during the movie.

Asking was the wrong decision. Asking is always a weird, insecure move and anyone would see it as such. Also...ouch.

Slayer_22 posted...

Asking was the wrong decision. Asking is always a weird, insecure move and anyone would see it as such. Also...ouch.

She said she would have freaked out if I had just done so without saying anything first.

I get why asking consent from a woman first to touch her can be considered by some men to be a weird insecure move though. Consent now extends to non-sexual touching too now.

My son in law was visiting from the UK about 2 months ago. He wanted something to take home that personified "americana", so I took him to a flea market. We found a stand with red, white and blue everything. It was just what he was looking for. I was standing off to the side letting him shop, the shopkeeper who was probably in his 70's came up to me to talk to me.
He tells me about how he started dating his first wife. My son in law comes to us with magnet in hand ready to buy. He pays the shopkeeper and he continues his story. He says his first wife was really into him, but he was dating someone at the time. He said he could break up with his girl for her. He said they were in his car and he pulled her close to put his arm around her, but he didnt stop there. He actually said that he kept going until his hand could grab her boob. He said she was fuming, slapped him and ran home. He said he saw her the next day and she was still really mad. He said if you really want to date me, then you have to expect these things and did it again but this time he held her there and said if you leave you will never date me. So she gave in and decided to date him.
We could not believe this dude just openly admitted to committing sexual assault.

Rip a fart. If she's okay with you doing that, she's comfortable enough with you to put your arm around her too. If she's afraid of farts, she's not worth your time anyway.

Trumble posted...

Rip a fart. If she's okay with you doing that, she's comfortable enough with you to put your arm around her too. If she's afraid of farts, she's not worth your time anyway.

I love laying in bed with my wife and farting under the blanket. I pinch the bottom of the blanket with my feet and tuck my side under me so it all wafts right to her

Honestly, every time Ive tried the arm around the shoulder thing on a past date it always was so uncomfortable since the seats have arm rests inbetween them. The gesture is sweet, but it doesnt last very long before Im ready to just hold hands lol.

A pro move is going to a theater with those couch like seats for that very purpose even if the viewing position sucks.

Edit just read the rest of the topic. Yeah shouldnt have asked her in a text since that ruins the moment and creates expectations. The fact that she said no and was being polite afterwards to save face was a big oof moment.

Imagine remembering to bring the consent form only to forget the pen at home

Bass_X0 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/5/AABA6UAADdk3.jpg

And so I didnt.

She also fell asleep watching Elvis for like ten minutes, the movie she chose for us to watch, and I noticed that she was messaging someone on her phone during the movie.

That was definitely a mistake. You can't text ahead of time and ask when you haven't even had a date yet. Women tend to list out the things they won't do on a date if discussed ahead of time. But if the date is going well, there is a LOT that many women are willing to do. But they have to gauge that during the date. If asked ahead of time, they will often default to how they will act if the date is going poorly. Why would she say it is okay without knowing if you vibe yet?

Also, arm around the shoulder is awkward in a theater. I usually don't do that with women I am with. Hand holding is much easier. All of this gets back to why most don't recommend going to a movie theater on a first date.

Edit: also her messaging is bad. Either she isn't into it or she is simply rude. Well, she is definitely rude. Don't text in the theater!

Bass_X0 posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/5/AABA6UAADdk3.jpg

And so I didnt.

She also fell asleep watching Elvis for like ten minutes, the movie she chose for us to watch, and I noticed that she was messaging someone on her phone during the movie.

ngl based on this limited interaction she doesn't seem very interested in you as a partner if she's already messaging other people during a movie and falling asleep and didn't want you touching her LOL

Akagami_Shanks posted...

ngl based on this limited interaction she doesn't seem very interested in you as a partner if she's already messaging other people during a movie and falling asleep and didn't want you touching her LOL

My vibe is she might be English second language and maybe from a religious background and different culture

That "very too soon" sentence structure reminded me a lot of the Nepalese girl I'm currently dating lol. Like the incorrect phrasing of the sentence more so than the conversation topic, but she would also discuss the date before we went on them

What's her ethnicity TC? I've found all the typical rules and advice can go out the window when dating certain ethnicities, I've dated an Iranian as well and conversations like this were super common with her, they are so forward and don't care about playing it cool

haloiscoolisbak posted...

What's her ethnicity TC? I've found all the typical rules and advice can go out the window when dating certain ethnicities, I've dated an Iranian as well and conversations like this were super common with her, they are so forward and don't care about playing it cool

This is a good point. My comment about not asking consent for simple things and women's rules vs willingness might go out the window if a 1st or 2nd generation immigrant.

The theaters I go to all have recliner type seating now, cant really do this on a date anymore

bsp77 posted...

This is a good point. My comment about not asking consent for simple things and women's rules vs willingness might go out the window if a 1st or 2nd generation immigrant.

Yeah, even that "thank you for asking and not making me uncomfortable" could be a completely genuine thank you if she's from somewhere with a conservative dating culture, not necessarily the "polite letdown" we've assumed with no further context. If she is a western girl though then I stand corrected

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Yeah, even that "thank you for asking and not making me uncomfortable" could be a completely genuine thank you if she's from somewhere with a conservative dating culture, not necessarily the "polite letdown" we've assumed with no further context

I still wouldn't have texted it ahead of time. Never a good idea. You have to always feel these things out in person, and you have to watch body language to know if they are comfortable with a little touch or not. Most women do telegraph their "consent" to things like that.

Just so no one mistakes anything (as often happens on CE), I get full blown verbal consent before anything actually sexual. And usually the woman is the one to initiate anyway. I typically initiate some touch or kissing, but they usually take it from there.

bsp77 posted...

I still wouldn't have texted it ahead of time. Never a good idea. You have to always feel these things out in person, and you have to watch body language to know if they are comfortable with a little touch or not. Most women do telegraph their "consent" to things like that.

Just so no one mistakes anything (as often happens on CE), I get full blown verbal consent before anything actually sexual. And usually the woman is the one to initiate anyway. I typically initiate some touch or kissing, but they usually take it from there.

Yeah, that is always how I'd do it with an Aussie/American girl.

The Iranian girl before our third date literally explained that we could make out on this date (we hadn't yet because I had no idea if she was cool with it) and cuddle in bed but no sex yet. Like it was all planned out the night before it happened lol. she put the topic out there so at that point you may as well talk about it. Who knows what was said before TC's message.

It really is quite a jarring difference in the way dating works in certain parts of the world

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Yeah, even that "thank you for asking and not making me uncomfortable" could be a completely genuine thank you if she's from somewhere with a conservative dating culture, not necessarily the "polite letdown" we've assumed with no further context. If she is a western girl though then I stand corrected

well the falling asleep and texting in the movie still kinda implies she's not interested in ol dude

Akagami_Shanks posted...

well the falling asleep and texting in the movie still kinda implies she's not interested in ol dude

Ah, I actually missed that the date had already happened. Just read the screenshotted convo

haloiscoolisbak posted...

It really is quite a jarring difference in the way dating works in certain parts of the world

I believe you. I admittedly have little experience there. But I assume texting the question before a first date is still a poor choice no matter the culture.

yeah the cultural differences are quite frankly irrelevant since it's already too late and seems to have gone rather poorly