Current Events > What's that one copypasta about the embarrassing dad?

(+) Yeah! (+)

The one where the main character is having a sleepover with their friends Matt and Pat and their dad says something embarrassing that upsets them. Then the dad goes into the other room to watch sports while the protag expresses how irritated they are at what he said.

Been looking for that one forever.

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Evacuate the clam brigade immiediately
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I saw my embarrassing dad at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didnt want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, Oh, like youre doing now?
I was taken aback, and all I could say was Huh? but he kept cutting me off and going huh? huh? huh? and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like Sir, you need to pay for those first. At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually to prevent any electrical infetterence, and then turned around and winked at me. I dont even think thats a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

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Did you ever hear the tragedy of Embarrassing Dad the Wise? I thought not.
Its not a story the Jedi would tell you. Its a Sith legend. Embarrassing Dad was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life
He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did.
Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. Embarrassing Dad could save others from death, but not himself.

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In a fight? Here is what you do, my friend.
Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees.
Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken.
Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs.
He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul.
Marvel as you ascend into your planar form: The Embarrassing Dad.

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Embarrassing Dad Copypastas aren't like other memes.

When you're reading embarrassing dad copypastas, just remember that they're not like other copypastas. Their meme is incredibly artistic, almost to the point where you have to be paying complete attention to it to even remotely understand it. I remember reading a copypasta (though I can't remember what it was), where I thought the meme was absolute bollocks during the read. Then, I closed my eyes for a second, and all of a sudden the copypasta had an entirely new meaning. It was insane the way embarrassing dad copypastas could just become something so different when you take a look into the meme.
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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Embarrassing Dads, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Mama, and I have over 300 confirmed lightly fried fish fillets. I am trained in grill warfare and I'm the top mower in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another son. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of dads across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my dad jokes. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed beer drinking, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Father Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Hello dead. I'm Dad.
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As a former Embarrassing Dad pilot, and a professional keynote speaker, the question I'm most often asked is "How fast would that Embarrassing Dad fly?" I can be assured of hearing that question several times at any event I attend. It's an interesting question, given the dad's proclivity for speed, but there really isn't one number to give, as the father would always give you a little more speed if you wanted it to. It was common to see 35 miles a minute. Because we flew a programmed Mach number on most missions, and never wanted to harm the parent in any way, we never let it run out to any limits of temperature or speed. Thus, each Embarrassing Dad pilot had his own individual high speed that he saw at some point on some mission. I saw mine over Libya when Khadafy fired two missiles my way, and max power was in order. Lets just say that the dad truly loved speed and effortlessly took us to Mach numbers we hadnt previously seen. So it was with great surprise, when at the end of one of my presentations, someone asked, what was the slowest you ever flew the Embarrassing Dad? This was a first. After giving it some thought, I was reminded of a story that I had never shared before, and relayed the following. I was flying the Embarrassing Dad out of RAF Mildenhall, England , with my back-seater, Walt Watson; we were returning from a mission over Europe and the Iron Curtain when we received a radio transmission from home base. As we scooted across Denmark in three minutes, we learned that a small RAF base in the English countryside had requested an Embarrassing Dad fly-past. The air cadet commander there was a former father pilot, and thought it would be a motivating moment for the young lads to see the mighty Embarrassing Dad perform a low approach. No problem, we were happy to do it. After a quick aerial refueling over the North Sea , we proceeded to find the small airfield. Walter had a myriad of sophisticated navigation equipment in the back seat, and began to vector me toward the field. Descending to subsonic speeds, we found ourselves over a densely wooded area in a slight haze. Like most former WWII British airfields, the one we were looking for had a small tower and little surrounding infrastructure. Walter told me we were close and that I should be able to see the field, but I saw nothing. Nothing but trees as far as I could see in the haze. We got a little lower, and I pulled the throttles back from 325 knots we were at. With the gear up, anything under 275 was just uncomfortable. Walt said we were practically over the fieldyet; there was nothing in my windscreen. I banked the dad and started a gentle circling maneuver in hopes of picking up anything that looked like a field. Meanwhile, below, the cadet commander had taken the cadets up on the catwalk of the tower in order to get a prime view of the fly-past. It was a quiet, still day with no wind and partial gray overcast. Walter continued to give me indications that the field should be below us but in the overcast and haze, I couldn't see it.. The longer we continued to peer out the window and circle, the slower we got. With our power back, the awaiting cadets heard nothing. I must have had good instructors in my flying career, as something told me I better cross-check the gauges. As I noticed the airspeed indicator slide below 160 knots, my heart stopped and my adrenalin-filled left hand pushed two throttles full forward. At this point we weren't really flying, but were falling in a slight bank. Just at the moment that both afterburners lit with a thunderous roar of flame (and what a joyous feeling that was) the dad fell into full view of the shocked observers on the tower. Shattering the still quiet of that morning, they now had 107 feet of fire-breathing titanium in their face as the plane leveled and accelerated, in full burner, on the tower side of the infield, closer than expected, maintaining what could only be described as some sort of ultimate knife-edge pass. Quickly reaching the field boundary, we proceeded back to Mildenhall without incident. We didn't say a word for those next 14 minutes. After landing, our commander greeted us, and we were both certain he was reaching for our wings. Instead, he heartily shook our hands and said the commander had told him it was the greatest Embarrassing Dad fly-past he had ever seen, especially how we had surprised them with such a precise maneuver that could only be described as breathtaking. He said that some of the cadets hats were blown off and the sight of the plain form of the dad in full afterburner dropping right in front of them was unbelievable. Walt and I both understood the concept of breathtaking very well that morning, and sheepishly replied that they were just excited to see our low approach. As we retired to the equipment room to change from space suits to flight suits, we just sat there-we hadn't spoken a word since the pass. Finally, Walter looked at me and said, One hundred fifty-six knots. What did you see? Trying to find my voice, I stammered, One hundred fifty-two. We sat in silence for a moment. Then Walt said, Dont ever do that to me again! And I never did. A year later, Walter and I were having lunch in the Mildenhall Officers club, and overheard an officer talking to some cadets about an Embarrassing Dad fly-past that he had seen one day. Of course, by now the story included kids falling off the tower and screaming as the heat of the jet singed their eyebrows. Noticing our HABU patches, as we stood there with lunch trays in our hands, he asked us to verify to the cadets that such a thing had occurred. Walt just shook his head and said, It was probably just a routine low approach; they're pretty impressive in that dad. Impressive indeed. Little did I realize after relaying this experience to my audience that day that it would become one of the most popular and most requested stories. Its ironic that people are interested in how slow the worlds fastest Embarrassing Dad can fly. Regardless of your speed, however, its always a good idea to keep that cross-check upand keep your dad jokes up, too.

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My dad just did the most clam thing in front of my pals

He came downstairs when were all playing VideooGames and he said to me and referring to my friends when he said it, "Hey who invited the clam brigade over, didn't know your mum was making seafood for dinner." My friends were in shock and I was in disgust. Im so emberstomed right now I think im going to be sick, what should I do?

my friends are in the other room not talking and my dad is just laughing watching tv in his bedroom, if my mum mum finds out about this I don't think pat and matt will be able to sleep over for the night and its fucking stupid cause the weekend is my time. My time to relax and have a good time, I don't need this bullshit
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It's still early in the season I know... But maybe the dad just isn't ready for the Embarrassing Dads yet? With the media hounding him, the pressure of being considered the next "great one", fuck I wouldn't be able to handle that shit. Maybe having him in the embarrassing uncles for another year or two to develop a bit wouldn't have been a bad idea. The dad is only 18. At 18 I was complete child who had no idea how to be embarassing. Not much has changed... but I'd like to think I have a bit of a better head on my shoulders now. I actually feel really bad for my dad, and I hope we don't ruin him.

Edit: I'm being lynched for ever daring to doubt the greatness of my embarrassing dad. How dare I say such blasphemy after only THREE dad jokes. You're right, he may only be 18 years old, but he has the emotional maturity of a Buddhist monk, and the dad-bod and fishing ability of a top olympic athlete. He may have hit puberty only 3 to 4 years ago, but he is a grown dad now, capable of all pressure and criticism that comes his way. I am but a lowly neckbeard wordplay fan who lives in my mothers basement here to shit on him for not getting 50 lawns mowed in a week. I am a rodent, and he is an Embarrassing Dad. I'm going to go light myself on fire now. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways with you jamming the downvote arrow on your computer screen with all your might and telling me how much of an idiot I am.

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An Embarrassing Dad consists of only these following items. Dad Jokes. Alcoholism (Usually beer). This entire subreddit consist of "parents". Almost every "Embarrassing Dad" sandwich i see on here has other items added to it. The fact that this subreddit is called "Embarrassing Dads" is nothing short of utter blasphemy. Let me start out by saying I have nothing against parents, I just hate their association with sandwiches that are not Embarrassing Dads. Adding dad to your tuna adult-bilogicial-authority-figure? It's called a Tuna parent. Totally different. Want to add abandonment and some pretentious obsession with dad rock? I don't know what the hell you'd call that but it's not an Embarrassing Dad. I would be more than willing to wager I've eaten more Embarrassing Dads in my 21 years than any of you had in your entire lives. I have one almost everyday and sometimes more than just one dad. Want to personalize your Embarrassing Dad? Use a mix of dad jokes or make him wear flannel and jeans. But if you want to add some pulled pork and take a picture of it, make your own subreddit entitled "parents" because that is not a fucking Embarrassing Dad. I'm not a religious man nor am I anything close to a culinary expert. But as a bland white mid-western male I am honestly the most passionate person when it comes to Embarrassing Dads and hot MILFs. All of you foodies stay the hell away from our Embarrassing Dads and stop associating your sandwich parents with them. Yet again, it is utter blasphemy and it rocks me to the core of my pale being. Shit, I stopped lurking after 3 years and made this account for the sole purpose of posting this. I've seen post after post of peoples "Embarrassing Dads" all over reddit and it's been driving me insane. The moment I saw this subreddit this morning I finally snapped. Hell, I may even start my own subreddit just because I know this one exists now.
You god damn heretics. Respect the Embarrassing Dad and stop changing it into whatever you like and love it for it what it is. Or make your damn parent sandwich and call it for what it is. A parent.

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SH_expert44 posted...

My dad just did the most clam thing in front of my pals

He came downstairs when were all playing VideooGames and he said to me and referring to my friends when he said it, "Hey who invited the clam brigade over, didn't know your mum was making seafood for dinner." My friends were in shock and I was in disgust. Im so emberstomed right now I think im going to be sick, what should I do?

my friends are in the other room not talking and my dad is just laughing watching tv in his bedroom, if my mum mum finds out about this I don't think pat and matt will be able to sleep over for the night and its fucking stupid cause the weekend is my time. My time to relax and have a good time, I don't need this bullshit

Thank you.

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Kitt posted...

SH_expert44 posted...

My dad just did the most clam thing in front of my pals

He came downstairs when were all playing VideooGames and he said to me and referring to my friends when he said it, "Hey who invited the clam brigade over, didn't know your mum was making seafood for dinner." My friends were in shock and I was in disgust. Im so emberstomed right now I think im going to be sick, what should I do?

my friends are in the other room not talking and my dad is just laughing watching tv in his bedroom, if my mum mum finds out about this I don't think pat and matt will be able to sleep over for the night and its fucking stupid cause the weekend is my time. My time to relax and have a good time, I don't need this bullshit

Thank you.

Any time fam
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Wow, didn't even acknowledge the other famous Embarrassing Dad copy pastas. For shame TC. For shame. If your dad saw you right now he would be very embarrassed.

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