Current Events > I think I'm ready to come out to my work colleagues, but there is one worry

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've worked a long time with several of my work colleagues. And when there would be an appropriate time to come out I would. For example the many times I've heard someone say "when you get a girl etc.." I can correct them. I don't want to announce or anything, but let it come out naturally so I don't have to lie.

My problems is the colleague I've worked the longest with, and I like the most is muslim, and I don't know her thoughts of homosexuality. I do know she doesn't follow her religion so extreme or anything, and is against some of the values from her culture (for example her husband doesn't want their son to learn to cook, clean etc, but she insists etc).

I kinda worry how she'd feel about it. Everyone else would be okay with it I'm sure.
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I guarantee a lot of them already know

treewojima posted...

I guarantee a lot of them already know

Why?
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FF_Redux posted...

treewojima posted...

I guarantee a lot of them already know

Why?

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FF_Redux posted...

treewojima posted...

I guarantee a lot of them already know

Why?

It's just something you pick up on after spending a lot of time around someone regularly, like a coworker. Depends on how good their gay-dar is (mine is usually pretty accurate for a straight guy)

I dunno, I don't have much going on for me for people to think I'm gay other than being single at 30 I dunno.
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They know
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They know and nobody gives a shit

Doubt it. Ive only known it myself for almost 5 years only.

The muslim coworker Ive worked with 10 years
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The real question is why does it matter and why do you think anyone cares. This is what I don't understand about gay culture. Why do you have to "come out" at all. I don't feel the need to discuss with my coworkers that I like vagina and breasts
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I dont want to live in a lie and lie when being in discussions where it could come out. And I want to connect with my coworkers and how can I do thst when they dont know me.

I would like to become friends and such. Cant do that if they dont know me.
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And you dont need to discuss that because its just assumed.
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glitteringfairy posted...

The real question is why does it matter and why do you think anyone cares. This is what I don't understand about gay culture. Why do you have to "come out" at all. I don't feel the need to discuss with my coworkers that I like vagina and breasts

Comments like these are always great because they show how ignorant the person making it is. Social life comes up regularly in the office and the amount of conversations I have with coworkers that are about their SO is insane. And not even being a willing participant, actually. They'll just bring this stuff up unprompted and it's the case for almost all of the people in an office. Actively avoiding this talk just makes you come across as anti-social and unapproachable to a lot of these people if you're not good at seguing conversations.
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Xelltrix posted...

glitteringfairy posted...

The real question is why does it matter and why do you think anyone cares. This is what I don't understand about gay culture. Why do you have to "come out" at all. I don't feel the need to discuss with my coworkers that I like vagina and breasts

Comments like these are always great because they show how ignorant the person making it is. Social life comes up regularly in the office and the amount of conversations I have with coworkers that are about their SO is insane. And not even being a willing participant, actually. They'll just bring this stuff up unprompted and it's the case for almost all of the people in an office. Actively avoiding this talk just makes you come across as anti-social and unapproachable to a lot of these people if you're not good at seguing conversations.

This, and I work with women and I hear about their social lives constantly.
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Being gay isnt taboo like it was 10-20 years ago, so coming out like it was some dark secret only makes you look like an attention starved drama queen(lol). Just keep on trucking and tell them only if they ask why you never have a gf.
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scorpion41 posted...

Being gay isnt taboo like it was 10-20 years ago, so coming out like it was some dark secret only makes you look like an attention starved drama queen(lol). Just keep on trucking and tell them only if they ask why you never have a gf.

I love that people just want to come in here to spew their thoughts. Read my topic first:

FF_Redux posted...

And when there would be an appropriate time to come out I would. For example the many times I've heard someone say "when you get a girl etc.." I can correct them. I don't want to announce or anything, but let it come out naturally so I don't have to lie.

Where here does it mean I'm a drama queen.
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who cares what your muslim coworker thinks, if she is not going to like you because of your sexuality then there is no value in the friendship, the foundation it's established on it is bullshit (she doesnt like you for who you really are). if she doesnt like you for your sexuality thats her problem, not yours
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And yeah, I agree with that. Just do it if it doesn't effect your job security.
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Romulox28 posted...

who cares what your muslim coworker thinks, if she is not going to like you because of your sexuality then there is no value in the friendship, the foundation it's established on it is bullshit (she doesnt like you for who you really are). if she doesnt like you for your sexuality thats her problem, not yours

Yeah I know. Just feel the connection is important for me. And honestly, I'm not totally sure she would care in a negative way anyway. But never know. There was another muslim woman working there before and she openly said she didn't like gay men, don't remember how it came up but it did. Was before I knew I was gay.
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muchdran posted...

They know and nobody gives a shit

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I would just tell everybody at once. Make an announcement. You dont have to tell them you are like old dudes tho
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lol, make an announcement? Just go about life as normal and just fit it in when it seems suitable.
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josifrees posted...

You dont have to tell them you are like old dudes tho

lmao
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Ganon19 posted...

muchdran posted...

They know and nobody gives a shit

Comments like this just shows you just don't want to hear it, and don't care anything about how this affects the person, living in the lies, can't be in some conversations and such etc. You think I'd do it for the attention and the glory whatever pride, it's not that, it's about being able to open myself to get a connection with other people.
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josifrees posted...

I would just tell everybody at once. Make an announcement. You dont have to tell them you are like old dudes tho

I don't want to make a big deal out of it, so that's why I'm not gonna do an announcement. I just don't want to lie if I get in a situation where it would come up, which I've done so many times.

Yeah...one reason I don't want to come out since I know some of my coworkers would instantly ask me about my love life...that I'll keep hidden until they are closer friends.
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FF_Redux posted...

I dont want to live in a lie and lie when being in discussions where it could come out. And I want to connect with my coworkers and how can I do thst when they dont know me.

I would like to become friends and such. Cant do that if they dont know me.

So just talk about men you like in these situations.

That or do it over drinks or something
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FF_Redux posted...

I've worked a long time with several of my work colleagues. And when there would be an appropriate time to come out I would. For example the many times I've heard someone say "when you get a girl etc.." I can correct them. I don't want to announce or anything, but let it come out naturally so I don't have to lie.

My problems is the colleague I've worked the longest with, and I like the most is muslim, and I don't know her thoughts of homosexuality. I do know she doesn't follow her religion so extreme or anything, and is against some of the values from her culture (for example her husband doesn't want their son to learn to cook, clean etc, but she insists etc).

I kinda worry how she'd feel about it. Everyone else would be okay with it I'm sure.

Screw that. If she judges you, then she's in the wrong and isn't your real friend.
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Ooh, youre gay. Whoooooa. Youre making a much bigger deal out of this than they will. Like others have said, they (may) already know.

rhklce posted...

Ooh, youre gay. Whoooooa. Youre making a much bigger deal out of this than they will. Like others have said, they (may) already know.

Comments like this just shows you just don't want to hear it, and don't care anything about how this affects the person, living in the lies, can't be in some conversations and such etc. You think I'd do it for the attention and the glory whatever pride, it's not that, it's about being able to open myself to get a connection with other people.
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FF_Redux posted...

Comments like this just shows you just don't want to hear it, and don't care anything about how this affects the person, living in the lies, can't be in some conversations and such etc. You think I'd do it for the attention and the glory whatever pride, it's not that, it's about being able to open myself to get a connection with other people.

Really? When you befriend someone, its not for their sexuality. You are friends because you think theyre cool and you think theyre cool. When youve e been friends with someone for as long as a decade, they can almost certainly read you like a book. And if she for some reason didnt already know and shes bothered, she can fuck off.

Im not saying youre doing it for attention or glory (lmao?). Im saying its not a big fuckin deal. You shouldnt be ashamed of who you are and the people you love.

It's a big deal for me if I have to feel like I live in a lie and have to actively choose to lie when things come up in conversations or even not join the conversation at all and be assume anti-social. And sexuality is not just who you want to fuck, it's about relationships and talking about things you do with your SO etc.

Omitting sexuality from the conversations is omitting loads of things.
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FF_Redux posted...

Ganon19 posted...

muchdran posted...

They know and nobody gives a shit

Comments like this just shows you just don't want to hear it, and don't care anything about how this affects the person, living in the lies, can't be in some conversations and such etc. You think I'd do it for the attention and the glory whatever pride, it's not that, it's about being able to open myself to get a connection with other people.

Ganon19 posted...

muchdran posted...

They know and nobody gives a shit

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FF_Redux posted...

It's a big deal for me if I have to feel like I live in a lie and have to actively choose to lie when things come up in conversations or even not join the conversation at all and be assume anti-social.

Are you that ashamed of who you are? Im saying be yourself, bro. Its your life, and we only (knowingly) get one. You should be happy and not putting yourself through that nonsense that you feel like you have to live.

And sexuality is not just who you want to fuck, it's about relationships and talking about things you do with your SO etc.

Missing the relevance here. Sure, sexuality has a broad term but I never said anything about it other than the fact that youre not just friends with someone for their orientation. Its something you shouldnt have to feel ashamed of or so scared to admit. My original post wasnt meant to be disrespectful, but rather a way of saying youre making a super huge deal out of nothing to make a super huge deal about. Youre gay, so what? Again, you only put yourself through that hell because you choose to.

Omitting sexuality from the conversations is omitting loads of things.

What..?

You're definitely making a bigger deal out of it. As someone who also is into the D, I've never felt the need to lie or anything. That's not because you're gay. It's because you're uncomfortable being who you are.

You know how I "came out"? I didn't. Some dude asked if I'd sleep with a guy for a large amount of cash and I said "Well considering I've slept with guys for zero cash yeah I totally would." It's just an unimportant part of who you are and making it anything bigger than that just seems dramatic.

Just be comfortable being you dude.
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HaVeNII7 posted...

You're definitely making a bigger deal out of it. As someone who also is into the D, I've never felt the need to lie or anything. That's not because you're gay. It's because you're uncomfortable being who you are.

Yeah it's less for me about being gay and more about me having hard time being myself, it's a problem I've had for so long, considering I didn't know who I was for 27 years. Good for you never felt like lying, but I've lied for myself and people around for like what, 15+ years it's not something I can just stop doing. And coming out naturally is what I want to do, not announce etc because I'm tired of not being myself. My original point still is I'm worried about the reaction of a coworker.

But I don't agree with people saying I shouldn't say anything since they already know, that's bullshit.
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Still stand by my comment
Might be hard at first, but just force yourself to mention the men you like in appropriate cases or whatever.

That or share it over drinks.
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Xelltrix posted...

glitteringfairy posted...

The real question is why does it matter and why do you think anyone cares. This is what I don't understand about gay culture. Why do you have to "come out" at all. I don't feel the need to discuss with my coworkers that I like vagina and breasts

Comments like these are always great because they show how ignorant the person making it is. Social life comes up regularly in the office and the amount of conversations I have with coworkers that are about their SO is insane. And not even being a willing participant, actually. They'll just bring this stuff up unprompted and it's the case for almost all of the people in an office. Actively avoiding this talk just makes you come across as anti-social and unapproachable to a lot of these people if you're not good at seguing conversations.

I'm ignorant because I don't know the in and outs of office social life? Technically I guess your correct because I don't work in an office.
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Remember you making a big deal about coming out to your parents about you liking hella old men?

Dey didn't really mind, and da same thing will happen here lol. Honestly, most probably won't care, we are in a different era tbh
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Vegy posted...

Remember you making a big deal about coming out to your parents about you liking hella old men?

Dey didn't really mind, and da same thing will happen here lol. Honestly, most probably won't care, we are in a different era tbh

Because it was a big deal, got me closer to my parents and it opened up lots of things like being able to invite David to my home etc.
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I'd say go for it whenever you have an opening.

In my experience, we tend to think of worst case scenarios when we come out to friends and family so a lot of times they're more understanding than we give them credit for. Who knows? You may even grow closer to your co-workers.
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glitteringfairy posted...

I'm ignorant because I don't know the in and outs of office social life? Technically I guess your correct because I don't work in an office.

...Yeah? Not knowing about it would make you ignorant of it.
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Do this tc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPviAKaHAN0
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Its not just office social life, though? Seriously, though.. just because youre gay doesnt meant that you cant participate in those talks about your partner.

His/her point is the same as mine: its not a big deal if youre gay. Youre not going to get persecuted and burned at the stake. Those that do judge/ignore you for it arent worth your time.