Current Events > My coworker is leaving and I'm feeling kind of broken up

(+) Yeah! (+)

We've worked together for 3 years now. Had a ton of shit in common, pretty much more than anyone I've ever met.

And he won't even discuss it with me. He told our supervisor, and that's it. It's like, did I mean that little to you?

I fucking love him to death. He's like family to me at this point. And is just trying to go out like nothing happened.

Not sure how to deal with his final day. Do I say something? Tell him I think he's awesome? I don't know.

Are you friends outside of work? Because if you aren't, that level of commitment is kind of strange.

ZangsBeard posted...

Are you friends outside of work? Because if you aren't, that level of commitment is kind of strange.

We text each other and such, but outside of that no.

But we've told each other all kinds of personal things over the years. Like things I'd never discuss with most people.

So maybe I mind fucked myself.

If that's the case you should be friends outside of work.

apocalyptic_4 posted...

If that's the case you should be friends outside of work.

Well he's moving back to his home state out west so that would never be a possibility at this point.

Without much context it sounds like hes more concerned about his move and likely only sees you as a coworker.

Co-workers are not friends. The sooner you realize this the better off you will be.

ghettoraider81 posted...

Co-workers are not friends. The sooner you realize this the better off you will be.

They can be. My 2 closest real friends who I've travelled with were former coworkers. One I've known for over 20 years. The other for around 15 years.

I should have initiated things with this guy. We have literally everything in common.

This happened to me, but I was the one leaving. I was friends with one guy, and he knew I was looking for awhile. He was too. I got out, and I even told him about a job opening at the place I went to. He just stopped responding to texts all of a sudden. Oh well, I tried.

One door closes, and another one opens. Stay positive.

bluezero posted...

This happened to me, but I was the one leaving. I was friends with one guy, and he knew I was looking for awhile. He was too. I got out, and I even told him about a job opening at the place I went to. He just stopped responding to texts all of a sudden. Oh well, I tried.

Yeah, sometimes shit just happens.

This guy won't even discuss that he's leaving. I'm not sure if it's due to guilt or if he just doesn't give a fuck about his coworkers at all.

But I'm dropping some shit on him before he goes. He'll be like damn, really? I'll even tell him I had a huge crush. Fuck it, why not at this point. lol

LeoRavus posted...

I'll even tell him I had a huge crush. Fuck it, why not at this point. lol

OK your situation just got much different than mine.

It sounds like there is a strong imbalance between how you feel about him and how he feels about you. Coworkers can be friends, but you actually have to do friend things outside of work for that to be a thing.

darkmaian23 posted...

It sounds like there is a strong imbalance between how you feel about him and how he feels about you. Coworkers can be friends, but you actually have to do friend things outside of work for that to be a thing.

I totally get that. I drunk texted him one day about going to this brewery place in his town and never got a response.

So I get how I feel is most likely one sided. I should just let it go.

Yeah i dont talk to anybody from my old job really and i was there for 6 years.
I hung out and did stuff outside of work with multiple people too.

This new job, everybody i started has left my floor since i started 3 years ago.
Always seemed to keep in touch at first, but just drift apart eventually. And these were people that went to my wedding and stuff.
Aside from one of them that we text when she comes back in town to visit, i rarely hear from anybody else. And i will usually throw a text every now and then to give them updates about the old job but i usually just get like 1 response and thats it. By that point i dont even bother.

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

Yeah i dont talk to anybody from my old job really and i was there for 6 years.
I hung out and did stuff outside of work with multiple people too.

This new job, everybody i started has left my floor since i started 3 years ago.
Always seemed to keep in touch at first, but just drift apart eventually. And these were people that went to my wedding and stuff.
Aside from one of them that we text when she comes back in town to visit, i rarely hear from anybody else. And i will usually throw a text every now and then to give them updates about the old job but i usually just get like 1 response and thats it. By that point i dont even bother.

At my previous 2 jobs I became close friends with quite a few people. We hung out, played poker on Friday nights, smoked weed, etc.

Things went very sour after my last job though so now I'm only in contact with one of them who I'm going to Vietnam with on January. The rest just dissolved after some drama.

ghettoraider81 posted...

Co-workers are not friends. The sooner you realize this the better off you will be.

Nah fuck that. I've worked with plenty of people in professional settings that went on to be friends. Two of them were my bosses at different times. Another started a job two weeks after me and we worked together six years at the same place. I left and a year later I got them a job at the place I'm at now. I've known these people over ten years at this point.

On another hand TC, I felt I was good friends with another CO worker but he never responds to any of the group texts from our old work group. He got married and got religious though so I chalk it up to that his wife won't let him hang out with us

Dat_Cracka_Jax posted...

Nah fuck that. I've worked with plenty of people in professional settings that went on to be friends. Two of them were my bosses at different times. Another started a job two weeks after me and we worked together six years at the same place. I left and a year later I got them a job at the place I'm at now. I've known these people over ten years at this point.

On another hand TC, I felt I was good friends with another CO worker but he never responds to any of the group texts from our old work group. He got married and got religious though so I chalk it up to that his wife won't let him hang out with us

My last supervisor was also controlled by his wife. He's the one who held the Friday night poker games.

I think I sort of messed that up. I told him I bet I could down a 22 ounce beer before he could. His wife shook her head no. Then we did it anyway.

Well that was that. No more poker games. He said on FB that she cancelled them. They were also church goers.

Sometimes you're only work friends with people. I have had coworkers I felt pretty close with but once the job was over that was just it. I left or they left. We maybe kept in touch through text for a bit but eventually it just stops.

I have a couple friends from jobs. But we actually hung out outside of work.

that's sad. i'm going through something similar right now honestly. i think they feel guilty and are trying to avoid that feeling. if i think about it like that i don't feel so bad.

silverpine posted...

that's sad. i'm going through something similar right now honestly. i think they feel guilty and are trying to avoid that feeling. if i think about it like that i don't feel so bad.

That's what our supervisor said. I told her he never mentioned it and she was like maybe he feels guilty. Knowing we'll be stuck with a ton of overtime until they actually find someone competent (and eventually trained) to fill the spot.

At least he was decent enough to give 2 weeks notice and not just fuck off like some people do.

Was he friends with other people you work with? Could do something casual like ask a group of people to grab a beer after work for his last day. My first job out of college had a lot of turnover so whenever somebody left, a group of us would go to a bar.

HotLap posted...

Was he friends with other people you work with? Could do something casual like ask a group of people to grab a beer after work for his last day. My first job out of college had a lot of turnover so whenever somebody left, a group of us would go to a bar.

Not that I know of. He's from Washington and moved to MD to live with his brother, so didn't really know anyone around here.

Then the living situation didn't work out so he's going back. I think he was hinting around about moving in with me at one point. Then a couple weeks later gave his notice.

Similar story but the friends I made at my old job when I was 22 were all still in contact and it's been 10 years. We've all been to each other's weddings now and we hang out at least once a month.

In my 30's now and I've grown close to new co workers but I'll be honest I'm so busy I don't really try to make new friends especially at work. I have no problems making friends at work but I just keep it as "work buddies". If my life wasn't so tense I'd have no issues hanging out with new people but I'm just not intrested.

apocalyptic_4 posted...

Similar story but the friends I made at my old job when I was 22 were all still in contact and it's been 10 years. We've all been to each other's weddings now and we hang out at least once a month.

In my 30's now and I've grown close to new co workers but I'll be honest I'm so busy I don't really try to make new friends especially at work. I have no problems making friends at work but I just keep it as "work buddies". If my life wasn't so tense I'd have no issues hanging out with new people but I'm just not intrested.

That's pretty much where I am. I haven't made outside of work friends with anyone at this place. I've had people ask me to hang out but never went through with it.

I didn't like the previous people in my department at all. The woman who retired a few years ago was a nasty backstabber. Two who followed her briefly didn't work out and were kind of morons. The day shift guy is ok other than his violent mood swings when people get on his nerves.

So I'm not all that hopeful we'll get another person I somewhat mesh with.