Current Events > How do I stop being like this

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've been seeing this woman for about a month now. We've been on five dates now, and whenever we're together it's a good time, we make each other laugh, and I feel comfortable around her. She's made it clear that she enjoys spending time with me and wants to keep doing so.

But in between meetings, she's pretty sparse with texting, and inevitably I work myself into a worry over the idea that it signals she's uninterested.

Help me not do this

You need to value your own independent time along with the time you spend together. Youre developing an unhealthy dependency where you constantly need validation that she likes you.

That isnt healthy or fair for either of you and it wont end well. Instead of focusing on the worry try to use that to look forward to the next time you see her.

FWIW, I'm not pushing her on it, I know better than to pester her for validation

she is uninterested in romance. she is interested in you. she merely doesn't want to think about dating every day

Tell her that you like texting. You think she's just magically gonna up the messages when you become an official couple? Stop being a pussy, she either leaves you and you can move on and stop wasting your time, or you get what you want.

hexa posted...

she is uninterested in romance. she is interested in you. she merely doesn't want to think about dating every day

That helps, I think.

Holy shit, same TC. Were supposed to do date, I think, 5 tomorrow but she hasnt responded to me in about 5 hours. She seems pretty interested, but Id be lying if I said Im not a little annoyed.

AloneIBreak posted...

Holy shit, same TC. Were supposed to do date, I think, 5 tomorrow but she hasnt responded to me in about 5 hours. She seems pretty interested, but Id be lying if I said Im not a little annoyed.

Been there.

Intro2Logic posted...

Been there.

She finally replied, but the petty in me wants to ignore it until well into tomorrow afternoon. How strongly do you feel about the lady youre seeing? Would you be upset if she was like, okay thats enough thanks bye? Im not sure I would be, but I kind of move slow with these things.

AloneIBreak posted...

Would you be upset if she was like, okay thats enough thanks bye?

Hugely

I went on 5 dates with a girl once when I was really low on confidence and unable to make a move. Didn't help that she didn't drink so they were all sober dates.

The texting was also very sparse. She eventually told me she was too busy to date (lol) but really enjoyed the time she spent with me or whatever. Regardless of her reason I couldn't really blame her, I was very friendly but just so awkward at that time in my life

I guess what I'm getting at is, have you at least kissed this girl yet? Until you kind of get the physical barrier breached she's probably not gonna be too interested in all day texting or constant hanging out as if you're in a relationship. I only ask because I remember the handjob topic you made...

Hell, if I was ever in that position again, 5 dates and uncertain where it was going, I'd definitely try to openly communicate I was interested somehow

I remember the handjob topic you made...

must have missed this, what happened ?

R1masher posted...

I remember the handjob topic you made...

must have missed this, what happened ?

He had his first sexual experience 6 months ago or so, iirc, it went horribly and the girl made his dick bleed from terrible handjob technique or something like that. Sorry if I'm explaining it poorly TC

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Some people are quite good at hiding it. As long as he's not peppering her with double messages he probably hasn't really put a foot wrong yet IMO. And it certainly sounds like he hasn't "confronted" her yet over anything

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I guess what I'm getting at is, have you made out with/had sex with this girl yet?

We've kissed goodnight, and they've been more passionate than just a peck, but no.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Until you kind of get the physical barrier breached she's probably not gonna be too interested in all day texting

I'm not looking to text all day, but basically we only text when I reach out to set up plans right now.

Intro2Logic posted...

We've kissed goodnight, and they've been more passionate than just a peck, but no.

Okay, yeah. So, no judgement, everyone's different and all that. I definitely get it and I've been there, hell my story was from when I was 27. I didn't even know if she was considering them dates I was so shy and inexperienced. she probably does know you have some interest if you met on an app but yeah.

Not really sure what to tell you but I know if I was in that position now, at 31,after previous shitty experiences where I was too timid, I would at least try to talk about things soon. Probably easier than just trying to go for things physically if you're not feeling any tension or not sensing that the moment will happen naturally

The next person I dated, I think it was date 4 we'd kissed a bit but hadn't had sex, and she was also sparse with the texting, but the fact we were obviously going on dates gave me the confidence to bring things up. I asked her in person if I could "ask her a question", she said "sure", I said something like"are you all good with the way things are going between us", calm as you like, and yeah it was as simple as that, she got the message and I think we had sex the next time we hung out, she took the lead completely

It doesn't really matter the exact words you use, just get it out in the open you like this girl. At a certain age I think it's mature to not want to waste your time and tactfully express that

Last time we met in person (she has covid, so we had a zoom date the other night) I asked what she needed from me to keep things moving forward, and she seemed okay with how things are going. I've been pretty vocal that I enjoy spending time with her.

Intro2Logic posted...

Last time we met in person (she has covid, so we had a zoom date the other night) I asked what she needed from me to keep things moving forward, and she seemed okay with how things are going. I've been pretty vocal that I enjoy spending time with her.

Okay, well, sounds like you're doing good and being open. Best of luck.

Invite her to your place for the next date. Can you cook?

bsp77 posted...

Invite her to your place for the next date. Can you cook?

No, especially not for a vegetarian, lol. We planned on dinner before her covid, so my plan is doing that and inviting her back afterwards.

Intro2Logic posted...

No, especially not for a vegetarian, lol. We planned on dinner before her covid, so my plan is doing that and inviting her back afterwards.

Okay, cool

As an aside, my fiance is pescatarian (vegetarian plus occasionally fish), so I have learned how to make kick ass vegetarian meals. It has made me a better cook.

This discussion has been helpful, thanks

This was probably the most level headed relationship troubles topic I've ever seen on CE lol

I guess my lack of experience/comfort with relationships leads me to wanting to throw myself headfirst into them, even at an early stage. And it's hard to grapple with that desire not being reciprocated, but I should recognize that not everyone has been yearning for this sort of thing to the degree and for the time that I have.