Current Events > Turn 30 next month and I feel like such a failure

(+) Yeah! (+)

Graduated from college 6 years ago and still have shitty part time job because my parents won't let me move away to try and gain proper experience.

You're an adult. Why do you need their permission to move?

I didn't even go to medical school until 26. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Why won't your parents let you move away?

Moms amirite

I'm 31 and a huge failure. I have kind of always been that way though.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Why won't your parents let you move away?

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

SocialistGamer posted...

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

So? Prove her wrong.
And even if you do fail, we actually grow stronger through failure more than we do through success.

SocialistGamer posted...

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

Sounds like your parents are keeping you in a state of arrested development.

Solar_Crimson posted...

Why won't your parents let you move away?

Maybe they need TC more than TC realizes. Either financially or for emotional support. Alot of people get extremely lonely when their children move away, or in this day and age you need everyone on the household to work just to maintain a roof over your heads.

SocialistGamer posted...

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

Do you have a history of failing to meet certain expectations that would lead her to believe this?

SocialistGamer posted...

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

Sounds like a "you" problem. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow up. You're almost 30, you can do literally anything you want. Do not hold yourself back.

SocialistGamer posted...

In 2019 I got an offer half the country away and my mom said I would crash and burn :/

You should have taken it. And if that's how she feels, then it sounds like you don't need her.

My mother did much the same. From the age of 15 to 21, she constantly told me I wouldnt be able to do anything, or hold down any job.

She didnt want me to leave, because she didnt want to take care of her mother/my grandmother, who was unable to walk. For 6 years, i was basically held an emotional and mental prisoner, being the only one taking care if my grandmother.

My grandmother felt so bad, and was the one who convinced me to leave when I was 21, and it was the best thing for me. So many of my issues and self imposed/expected limitations melt away within years. Probably would have been faster if I had sought some counseling, but, too stubborn for that.

Sometimes, it's best to bite that bullet and run.

Your mother sounds toxic.

Senta posted...

My mother did much the same. From the age of 15 to 21, she constantly told me I wouldnt be able to do anything, or hold down any job.

She didnt want me to leave, because she didnt want to take care of her mother/my grandmother, who was unable to walk. For 6 years, i was basically held an emotional and mental prisoner, being the only one taking care if my grandmother.

My grandmother felt so bad, and was the one who convinced me to leave when I was 21, and it was the best thing for me. So many of my issues and self imposed/expected limitations melt away within years. Probably would have been faster if I had sought some counseling, but, too stubborn for that.

Sometimes, it's best to bite that bullet and run.

Your grandma sounds like a saint. What happened after you moved out with her and your mom, if you don't mind sharing?

Solar_Crimson posted...

Your grandma sounds like a saint. What happened after you moved out with her and your mom, if you don't mind sharing?

After about half a year, my mom moved her into an assisted care home. Which showed me just how bad my mother had been. See, she had moved out and left me in the house with my grandmother, while she moved in with her new husband whom we "rented" the house from. Always low on food, because she took my grandmother's money for rent and bills, she claimed.

But after I left, she not only afforded that, but I found she also had yearly passes to Disney and went every month. We lived fairly close to it in Florida. Unfortunately, the day I left in 2009 in December was the last time I saw her in person, and she passed away several years ago.

You don't need permission from your parents to move.

If you want to move somewhere else, you should move somewhere else. And it sounds like you do want to move. Don't wait for your parents to approve. Just do it.

My parents use to threaten to beat the shit out of me or kill me if I ever left. And when I did, they didnt do a thing. Ignore your shitty parents and do what is right for you. Dont let their negativity influence you. Even if you do move out and it didnt work out, thats ok. Its ok to fail. Life is about failing and getting up to try again. Its how we better ourselves. Otherwise you will remain and stagnate more over time. Life is too short.

your parents do not seem like a good influence. look for apartments, go on indeed, land an interview and get out of there.

Senta posted...

After about half a year, my mom moved her into an assisted care home. Which showed me just how bad my mother had been. See, she had moved out and left me in the house with my grandmother, while she moved in with her new husband whom we "rented" the house from. Always low on food, because she took my grandmother's money for rent and bills, she claimed.

But after I left, she not only afforded that, but I found she also had yearly passes to Disney and went every month. We lived fairly close to it in Florida. Unfortunately, the day I left in 2009 in December was the last time I saw her in person, and she passed away several years ago.

That's rough. Glad you got out of there, and hopefully your grandma got treated much better at the care home.

Tell your parents to **** off lol

Im not a failure because I became someone who takes care of his family and is there for friends when they need me. Social standards never interested or drove me.

I dunno if that's part the problem. But try to create your own standards of what makes your life a success. The things we're sold as success are ultimately just about making others rich.

Give it a shot. Worst you can do is fail. But if you never try you'll never know

Lots of good observations and suggestions here TC.. FWIW an internet community doesn't think you are a failure, instead we see a lot of good possibilities ahead :)

Hey in 10 years youll be saying the same thing as me right now. Im 40 and a failure.

My parents were not nearly as bad as the other ones described in this topic, but basically I stopped listening to what they said if it didn't align with my best interests the second week I started college. Otherwise, I'd still be in Georgia right now helping a company develop smart cameras for stores making bank but on the edge of offing myself daily because it was a boring as fuck job. The 12k pay cut right now in comparison (in a higher cost of living area) is more than worth it.

It's your life TC, you gotta do you

it's okay TC, i'm almost 33 and i still don't have a full grasp on what i'm doing.

we all work through life at our own pace

SauI_Goodman posted...

Hey in 10 years youll be saying the same thing as me right now. Im 40 and a failure.

Hey the fact that you speak multiple languages is a greater achievement than what most people do these days.

MacadamianNut3 posted...

My parents were not nearly as bad as the other ones described in this topic, but basically I stopped listening to what they said if it didn't align with my best interests the second week I started college. Otherwise, I'd still be in Georgia right now helping a company develop smart cameras for stores making bank but on the edge of offing myself daily because it was a boring as fuck job. The 12k pay cut right now in comparison (in a higher cost of living area) is more than worth it.

It's your life TC, you gotta do you

Plus you wouldn't have met Mocha!!

Ruvan22 posted...

Plus you wouldn't have met Mocha!!

Very true o_o

Gooble gobble
Gooble gobble

One of us

One of us

I'm 32 and work as a security guard at a fancy hotel making $21/h. Could be worse. The only benefit is I get day shifts. But, if they're short handed on a night shift i gotta go in. My hours are 8am-8pm 40 hours a week. No OT. OT is strictly frowned upon. Job is absurdly easy. I don't do anything but sit on my ass watching cameras or watching the lot. I've never done anything with my life. Sure I had a girlfriend but, getting a g/f is piss easy. I have an apartment but, it's a 1BR crappy apt. I don't have any friends either.

Cleo_II posted...

My parents use to threaten to beat the shit out of me or kill me if I ever left. And when I did, they didnt do a thing. Ignore your shitty parents and do what is right for you

I don't mean in any way to belittle your experience or your courage, but you got lucky. Sometimes they don't back down and they really do mean it. Or if they don't have the means or disposition for violence, they can do other things. They can threaten to harm themselves and tell the police you did it. If the relative is aged, they can start filing for claims that you are abusing an elder. Or you can get the enabler special, where say the dad is physically abusive but when the neighbors call the cops, you get take the rap for those bruises "for the good of the family".

It doesn't even need to go that far. When she was alive, my grandmother successfully inserted herself into and controlled the families of all but one of her children. I just saw a sweet old lady, but it was agony for the adults and neither they nor their spouses could break free. They still talk about it to this day. Just leaving sound simple, but it can be anything but.

I'm glad you got out, and I hope the TC isn't caught up in anything that bad, but I really felt the need to say something on behalf of those who are just stuck.