Current Events > A friend went off on me today because he says talk about others too much

(+) Yeah! (+)

So this friend is not just a friend but he's actually a relative of mine and we actually grew up together. He went off on me this morning in our FB group chat of 9 friends for all of them to see as well.

So he started off out of no where saying he's sick of me talking shit about others, looking down on people, acting like I am holier than thou, like I'm perfect and ain't got no problems of my own.

I asked him what makes him feel that way and where he get that impression from. He told me to look up earlier what we was talking about. I looked and we were just talking about dumb shit like sports, stocks, gaming, ya know the same stuff dudes be talking about. He told me to scroll higher. I thought he was talking about me calling out his older brother for being a cheater but that wasn't it. It was about a few months ago when I brought up how his eldest brother and his eldest brother's best friend had a falling out, and I wasn't sure of the reason.

This apparently triggered him to call me out. I told him I was just relaying news. Dunno how this is shit talking or looking down on him, I explain to him. He says I dunno if what I was saying is even true or that I know all the facts and it's none of my business, and I'm just gossiping and causing more issues.

I told him I was relaying what I heard to our group only. I never said anything I said was true or not. I was merely passing the news. I told him if he doesn't like me talking about his brother then I won't.

He then says I need to stop talking about people indefinitely and worry about myself in this group chat. That we should only bullshit amongst ourselves about ourselves and leave everyone out our mouths. I told him I will not. I like talking about others and their business, close or far, famous or not.

I told him we as a group have been talking about all sorts of things for years on this FB group. He's just mad that I brought up his brother. He said he won't be here for it and leave the group chat. Oh well.

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It sounds like he'd prefer more positive people in his life as opposed to negative

Yeah this happened.
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lol

good

Awristophanes posted...

It sounds like he'd prefer more positive people in his life as opposed to negative

No one was being negative. And as guys we shit talk to each other and joke to each other all the time.

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Miz_iZ_AwSOme_X posted...

Yeah this happened.

Unfortunately it did.

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Have you recently talked shit about him to a mutual friend? Lol
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you are quite a gossip tbf

Miz_iZ_AwSOme_X posted...

Yeah this happened.

This doesn't actually sound made up at all lol it's not crazy enough

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Smashingpmkns posted...

Have you recently talked shit about him to a mutual friend? Lol

We talk shit about each other joking and seriously all the time.

Simp posted...

you are quite a gossip tbf

All the gossip stays within the FB chat. And everyone knew about his brother's falling out with his brother's best friend.

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Also I am pretty sure he was drunk. He went on a tantrum against me at 9 am this morning. I live in eastern time. This friend lives in San Francisco. It was 6am in the morning for him.

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Veggeta X posted...

We talk shit about each other joking and seriously all the time.

Okay well you might have said something that crossed the line to someone else and they relayed the message. Happened in my group of friends too.
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Smashingpmkns posted...

Okay well you might have said something that crossed the line to someone else and they relayed the message. Happened in my group of friends too.

People are just sensitive about certain things. If me talking about his brother in a non menacing way triggered him then my bad. I offered to not talk about his brother no more but he decided he wanna be a dictator

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Did any of it come off hypocritical? Does he follow the rules he's trying to force on you?

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Veggeta X posted...

People are just sensitive about certain things. If me talking about his brother in a non menacing way triggered him then my bad. I offered to not talk about his brother no more but he decided he wanna be a dictator

I don't think so man. You said that conversation was months ago lol unless he was festering on that shit for months and acting like it wasnt a thing.
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Smashingpmkns posted...

I don't think so man. You said that conversation was months ago lol unless he was festering on that shit for months and acting like it wasnt a thing.

He absolutely festered that shit.

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Did any of it come off hypocritical? Does he follow the rules he's trying to force on you?

He doesn't talk about others but he's the quietest one in the group.

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Veggeta X posted...

He doesn't talk about others but he's the quietest one in the group.

Ah. Not so quiet now tho :3.

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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Ah. Not so quiet now tho :3.

I'm pretty sure he was drunk

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Veggeta X posted...

I'm pretty sure he was drunk

That would make sense. I say just don't bring it up again. If he can't bring it to you when not drunk, then oh well. It's not like you're doing anything excessive. But you could also put effort to let him pick and choose what he decides to tell others about his own family. Seems respectful. There's plenty of other people and things to talk about. Maybe just give him this one.

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After doing some reflecting, I still don't think I was in the wrong. He went from "You talk so much shit" to "You think you're better than everyone else" to "You act like you don't have problems in your life" to "Mind your own business" to "Don't gossip" to "Don't talk about other people" all from me saying his brother and his brother's best friend looks to have a falling.

I believe he was festering longer than that. He has deep issues.

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He just had enough of your shit and it has been burning inside of him. He finally grew a pair and called your out.

Returning_CEmen posted...

He just had enough of your shit and it has been burning inside of him. He finally grew a pair and called your out.

I honestly believe he was projecting.

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What's that one quote about bad people talk about other people, good people talk about ideas.

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Flockaveli posted...

What's that one quote about bad people talk about other people, good people talk about ideas.

I do both

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I need more people to care about this please

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Veggeta X posted...

After doing some reflecting, I still don't think I was in the wrong.

This is sig worthy.

Veggeta X posted...

He went from "You talk so much shit" to "You think you're better than everyone else" to "You act like you don't have problems in your life" to "Mind your own business" to "Don't gossip" to "Don't talk about other people" all from me saying his brother and his brother's best friend looks to have a falling.

I believe he was festering longer than that. He has deep issues.

Does it not bother you at all that a friend was holding resentment towards you for who knows long?

Part of me respects an immovable object, the other part acknowledges the stubbornness of it.

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I really don't want to deflect this to be a him problem but I really dunno how else to say it. As relatives and friends growing up, we've always had this sort of rivalry and competition for one another. He's a year older than me and he was always more athletic than me and always liked leading.

I wouldn't be surprised if that resentment towards me is something from our childhood. I can say without a doubt I moved past all of those childish things decades ago. He did bring up a lot of old insults towards me in his rant as if it still matters.

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you seem negative and dismissive toward this person - I'm not sure why you're friends out of anything other than habit

Awristophanes posted...

you seem negative and dismissive toward this person - I'm not sure why you're friends out of anything other than habit

I wouldn't say I am negative or dismissive. He had made a LOT of poor choices in his life and as a caring family relative of his, I sometimes have to get real with him and give him a reality check. It doesn't come from a place of menace, it comes from a place of genuine concern. And pretty much everyone in the group chat went hard on him about his problems before, not just me.

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r/amitheasshole

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Even in your extrapolition you just come off as condescending towards him. Saying it comes from a place of concern while juxtaposing that next to "just giving him a reality check" and "he made a LOT of poor choices" and "everyone was doing it" just comes off as insincere as can be

There's no need to ask if I'm the asshole when I know I'm not or I don't care if anyone else thinks I am.

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I don't think you're in the wrong here. Really weird of him to attack you over that. Sounds like he's upset you were responsible with your life and he's taking it out on you because in his mind you come across as feeling superior to others.

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Awristophanes posted...

Even in your extrapolition you just come off as condescending towards him. Saying it comes from a place of concern while juxtaposing that next to "just giving him a reality check" and "he made a LOT of poor choices" and "everyone was doing it" just comes off as insincere as can be

If you think so. I believe when someone hasn't learned from their mistakes, you have to be direct with them and that's what real friends should do. I am not the "aw you're gonna be okay because I'm here for you always" type and I wouldn't be good friends with anyone who was like that.

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That's not really a response to what I said. You're justifying what I said about you - not responding to it

Nobody likes a gossip except those who gossip.

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Awristophanes posted...

That's not really a response to what I said. You're justifying what I said about you - not responding to it

What do you want me to say or feel? I'm definitely not gonna feel guilty if that's what you think.

nfearurspecimn posted...

I don't think you're in the wrong here. Really weird of him to attack you over that. Sounds like he's upset you were responsible with your life and he's taking it out on you because in his mind you come across as feeling superior to others.

I obviously don't think I'm better than anyone especially people I care about. However, I have told him that if I can learn from my mistakes then so can he.

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Veggeta X posted...

What do you want me to say or feel? I'm definitely not gonna feel guilty if that's what you think.

I'm just commenting how you appear, to which you for some reason feel the need to justify then state you don't feel guilty. Just a weird flow for the conversation to take, doesn't feel like a conversation

Well be honest, do you always feel the need to add your input or opinion on situations or things that have zero relation to you?

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Ving_Rhames posted...

Well be honest, do you always feel the need to add your input or opinion on situations or things that have zero relation to you?

Really depends on the mood. If it's a topic I'm interested and have no knowledge of it, I will usually ask to be informed or educated on said topic. If I am completely ignorant of the subject but feel I must give an input, I usually insert a "Take my opinion with a grain of salt but".

If something is posted in the group then it's open for anyone to comment whether seriously or jokingly.

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But I mostly ignore shit I dunno about and have zero interest.

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People that go off like that had those lingering thoughts with them for awhile.

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Ehh, he's probably overreacting, but you do come off like some of things he said just on here.

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Well, you sure showed him!

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apocalyptic_4 posted...

People that go off like that had those lingering thoughts with them for awhile.

I think it was a combination of projection, him prolly being drunk and something he festered for a long time even before what he's claiming.

I hope he didn't blow up just to show his assertiveness like he use to do when we were kids.

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GGuirao13 posted...

Well, you sure showed him!

LOL. Back when we were all kids he would easily get the other guys to gang up on me and this would build this narrative that he's right because he's some kind of leader.

He tried to get everyone to agree with him that I was wrong and he was being some hero this time too. He's still living in the past IMO. I told him this enough times too.

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Veggeta X posted...

LOL. Back when we were all kids he would easily get the other guys to gang up on me and this would build this narrative that he's right because he's some kind of leader.

He tried to get everyone to agree with him that I was wrong and he was being some hero this time too. He's still living in the past IMO. I told him this enough times too.

lol

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