Current Events > The poop accelerates

(+) Yeah! (+)

You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

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I prefer pooping back and forth forever
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My ass is the Epstein Drive.

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Crono99 posted...

Why did I click on dis topic

Hopefully to read more about the poop but now there are girl pics so its 50/50

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Came in for the poop, stayed for the pics
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Is this like poetry night or

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Smashingpmkns posted...

Came in for the poop, stayed for the pics

This is the way.

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i didnt ask for this

interesting read

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lmao wtf

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I don't know what just happened but I think this is probably the best topic I've read on CE in many many years.

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The Nintendo Master posted...

I don't know what just happened but I think this is probably the best topic I've read on CE in many many years.

Honestly, had a friend post this yesterday and looked it up to find it was a copypasta from a few years back.

It was mildly amusing, but the funniest part was I tried to read it to my wife and we both couldnt stop laughing whenever the phrase the poop accelerates was said aloud. There was something magical about it.

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