Current Events > Idk why all my "friends" flake or don't make an effort to see me

(+) Yeah! (+)

Long story short. I drove nearly 400 miles to my home city and coordinated some activities with my friends before I made the trip. But once I arrived everyone had a change of plans and continuously made excuses. The last straw for me was just now when one of my friends, who is usually one of the few to not flake often, told me he was too tired to drive 20 minutes to my area to see me. Mind you I drove 6 hours to come here.

I dont get it. I feel like my entire life if Ive ever tried to be an extrovert and socialize I have to go above and beyond to make things happen. Im a naturally introverted person, so when I do occasionally want to go out with friends and get rejected like this, it hurts. I dont know why I always get treated this, obviously it has something to do with me. But these are the same people that will like, comment, dm me on instagram, text me, and call me. But actually seeing them is another story.

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I wouldnt take it personally regarding that one friend, if anything Id appreciate him being honest and not making up an excuse.

Fuck the other guys though. You probably are just making bad judgments at picking good friends to begin with

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#coronaVIIIRUS

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If you have no friends, they will never disappoint you.



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Your boundaries are very weak and it's been a problem for you for a long time.

You will allow anybody to come in.

You literally have not even accepted yourself yet. Others sense that.

BUT when you do accept yourself, your boundaries become tough. Then the right people gravitate toward you. Or you repel the bad ones. It's a beautiful thing to see in a person.

It's those that claim to have the biggest heart that have no boundaries. They are easily manipulated and often abused.

Be well.

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a lot of people see friendship as hanging out when it's fun and convenient.

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SrRd_RacinG posted...

Your boundaries are very weak and it's been a problem for you for a long time.

You will allow anybody to come in.

You literally have not even accepted yourself yet. Others sense that.

BUT when you do accept yourself, your boundaries become tough. Then the right people gravitate toward you. Or you repel the bad ones. It's a beautiful thing to see in a person.

It's those that claim to have the biggest heart that have no boundaries. They are easily manipulated and often abused.

Be well.

What does accepting yourself mean? Like what does it entail?

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clyde_frog posted...

What does accepting yourself mean? Like what does it entail?

It means being comfortable enough with yourself that you dont need anybody else.

The hardest lesson I have learned is friends come and go. I was ones like you trust me but eventually I learned a majority of friends are expendable.

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clyde_frog posted...

What does accepting yourself mean? Like what does it entail?

If you have ever wished that you weren't yourself or that you were born differently. Or if wish you could magically be someone else or have their life/personality etc.. if you're honest with yourself- if you've ever felt that way in the last few years of your life, or just in general, then that means that you fundamentally do not love yourself. Does that make you a bad person? Absolutely not. But it makes you a very common person in this world.

When you fundamentally do not love yourself, by nature you will not be able to love other people very well.

A few good books on Buddhism changed my life completely.

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ReDaZnDraGoN97 posted...

It means being comfortable enough with yourself that you dont need anybody else.

The hardest lesson I have learned is friends come and go. I was ones like you trust me but eventually I learned a majority of friends are expendable.

But thats the thing. Over the course of the last 9 months in the city I currently live it Ive been perfectly content with just having my gf and not really any friends to hang out with. Even after my gf and I broke up I was ok with being alone and working on schoolwork. But after 3 months of quarantine I got the itch to come down and see people that I know.

So Im ok with being by myself for awhile, but I dont like it to be a permanent thing. I really missed my friends but it didn't seem like the feeing was mutual.

Also I have really bad social anxiety when Im out in public by myself, but I am completely normal when I have friends or a posse with me. Would medication help with that? Like going to a bar by myself or trying to meet new people just by myself is one of my biggest fears. But if I have one other person I know with me its an enjoyable experience.

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SrRd_RacinG posted...

If you have ever wished that you weren't yourself or that you were born differently. Or if wish you could magically be someone else or have their life/personality etc.. if you're honest with yourself- if you've ever felt that way in the last few years of your life, or just in general, then that means that you fundamentally do not love yourself. Does that make you a bad person? Absolutely not. But it makes you a very common person in this world.

When you fundamentally do not love yourself, by nature you will not be able to love other people very well.

A few good books on Buddhism changed my life completely.

Ive definitely felt that way in the past, but Ive come to terms with who I am. I dont know if that means I love myself or not, but I definitely have love for other people.

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Age group for your friends? The older people get, the less time they may have to hang out because of other obligations. Still, blowing you off isn't cool. I wouldn't cut them off but I'd find some new friends I could see more often. When this passes, try meetup.com.

$5 for life advice, send it to my PayPal please.

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smoke_break posted...

Age group for your friends? The older people get, the less time they may have to hang out because of other obligations. Still, blowing you off isn't cool. I wouldn't cut them off but I'd find some new friends I could see more often. When this passes, try meetup.com.

$5 for life advice, send it to my PayPal please.

Im 27, my friends age from mid 20s to early 30s.

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clyde_frog posted...

Im 27, my friends age from mid 20s to early 30s.

People tend to do this from that age in my opinion. Everyone starts leaving the group after 20-25 even if they aren't busy taken our married. It's time for everyone to fin new "adult" friends or something. (Or go younger)

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itachi15243 posted...

People tend to do this from that age in my opinion. Everyone starts leaving the group after 20-25 even if they aren't busy taken our married. It's time for everyone to fin new "adult" friends or something. (Or go younger)

But Ive been dealing with this problem my entire life :/

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Im going to be real, as you enter into your mid/late 20s you start to see who your real friends are b/c they are the ones sticking around for life events, making time for you even with work/travel/serious relationships/etc

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