Current Events > It's really hard to see someone you love totally lose themselves.

(+) Yeah! (+)

My grandpa has been through absolute hell over the past year and a half or so, enduring: lung cancer, chemo, radiation, multiple falls as he's gotten weaker, significant weight loss and weakness as a result of all of that, and a severe ear infection that required surgery.

After all of that (and notably the last one, I think), a bit after Thanksgiving, he fell and then slept all day, and refused to eat. With all of that going on, we rushed him to the ER, where it was discovered that he had an abscess on his brain, as well as (apparently, according to what the doctors said) two different infections that had reached his brain. He had to undergo brain surgery at 82 for that, and is still on antibiotics.

Thing is, he's just not...coming back. Sometimes he's himself, but it's rare. For the most part, he's confused, weak, and prone to anger when he was never angry at all. On a good day, he'll almost seem like his old self, but will often be confused by things, but on a bad day he can't get out of bed at all and can't recognize his own daughters. We're trying to do everything we can for him, but it's been a few weeks without any noticeable improvement, and some really bad days where he's tried to hit my grandma despite literally never doing that to her in 60~ years of marriage.

I never really got just how hard it is to go through something like this, but it's really hitting me hard. I've always looked up to my grandpa, but he barely knows who I am now and his overall outlook is looking grim, with doctors kind of varying on how long they give him, but ranging from 3 months to 1 year in general. It's been a huge roller coaster since the initial lung cancer diagnosis, but he's fought like hell through it all. Now, though...it kinda feels like the end is here, and in a really awful way.

Iunno. Shit sucks.

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I've lost pretty much all of my family.
And all the closest ones happened quickly...like in a day.

It is horrible.

But some of the only solace I can take away from that in not having to watch them fade away.
I still remember both of my parents, more or less at their prime.
Same with others. Including pets.

It sucks, but it's something.

The lesson is, don't take anyone, or anytime for granted.
Unfortunately, despite all the cutesy commercials and all, our world really doesn't provide for that.

But you have to make things work, the best you can.
Don't let it make you a cold person.
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This is why I say fuck chemo. Id rather not extend my life at the cost of losing who I am.


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