Current Events > I'm an hour into Alien Covenant and I'm kind of flabbergasted (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

The very first scene in the film was insanely bad. Guy Pearce talking to David right after creating him, the dialogue is absurdly stilted (get it, cause David's a robot, he's not human!) and the whole point of the scene is basically to remind the audience that Prometheus exists, because the audience is stupid. It would not have been out of place to have a voice over before the scene started say out loud "...Previously on Lost:"

James Franco is in the film for 3 seconds and I think he dies without having any dialogue before after he's dead. It was funny. I laffed.

Danny McBride is a giant redneck and its annoying.

Jussie Smollett is in the film and it's.... awkward.

For some reason I cannot begin to comprehend the (new) captain of the ship has a fucking moronic monologue about how the reason that the crew held a funeral for their friend James Franco, is because they hate him (the new captain) because he believes in God. Just out of fucking nowhere. What the crap.

They find a new planet and decide to go there cause the captain is an idiot, I guess. Or maybe it's because he's religious, I dunno what the film is doing.

They land on planet and for some fucking reason they all go down there with no fucking spacesuits on. A popular criticism of Prometheus is how at one point someone takes their space suits off on an alien planet cause they're a fucking idiot and the way the crew in that film behaves is stupid. Ridley Scott must have heard this kind of criticism. And for some reason his response to it is saying "you know, using space suits when traversing unknown planets is really not that big of a deal so my next movie the crew is just gonna wear hiking gear when they do." Fucking what. It's insane and I don't care how many readings they have from their spaceship several lightyears away that its totally fiiiiine whatever. There's only so far my disbelief can be suspended and the wires holding the movie together are so obvious, because if they had spacesuits then they couldnt be infected by the spores that carry xenomorphness (which could be written any number of other ways) so they have to not have spacesuits or the film wouldnt work even though there's no reason at all for them to not have spacesuits. It's beyond dumb.

Blah blah blah someone gets infected and becomes sick (BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT WEARING A SPACESUIT WHILE EXPLORING A PLANET YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!) and they take them back to the doctor at the sick bay and a xenomorphs comes out of them. But the doctor was freaking out insanely even before the sick dude was doing anything other than coughing up blood. It's like she read the script and knew an alien that would kill them all was about to come out of him and she acts appropriately to that fact... before it happens. I don't understand.

Some stupid scene ala the raptors in the tall grass in Lost World happens and the xenomorph uses some serious kung fu moves on the colonists, lmao wtf.

Anyway they get rescued by someone who is obviously David and thats where I'm at now.

When I saw the xenomorph fighting like Jackie Chan I just had to stop and sit down and talk about this shit. It's really shocking. And as much as I make fun of Prometheus for being nonsensical, at least I enjoy watching it for the visuals and some of the ideas. This seems more so to just try to copy Alien in its visual design while layering on some of the mythos of Prometheus.

I dunno, maybe this all make sense when I watch the rest of the movie, but I really just had to vent.
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DeadBankerDream posted...

Prometheus exists

*triggered*
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The cgi was terrible

The scene after the backbursting, where she's running around just fucking everything up and caps it off by blowing the whole ship up, is one of the funniest black comedy scenes I've ever watched. It's entirely unintentional, too, which makes it even better.
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