Current Events > How can I tell this dude that I just don't want him to come over

(+) Yeah! (+)

Without just outright ignoring him or being mean

I ignored him the past week and now today I was finally like oh hey what's up and he just got right back into I wanna come over on Friday.

I'm just like idk I'll probably be busy...

Then he's like well let's try for next Friday then

I don't want to spend my Friday night hanging out with you dude

Just tell him you dont want to hang out. Ignoring or making up an excuse is even worse treatment than just being straight with the guy tbh
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Alpha218 posted...

Just tell him you dont want to hang out. Ignoring or making up an excuse is even worse treatment than just being straight with the guy tbh

We hang out going to eat and theme parks and shit, I don't want him coming over to my house though

Just pretend to sleep all the time.
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tell him you have diarrhea.
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Tell him your house has diarrhea
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Corman321 posted...

Alpha218 posted...

Just tell him you dont want to hang out. Ignoring or making up an excuse is even worse treatment than just being straight with the guy tbh

We hang out going to eat and theme parks and shit, I don't want him coming over to my house though

Okay, so tell him you dont want to hang out at your house. I mean I like to unwind on Friday nights sometimes too. Its not unbelievable that someone would want to keep that time for themselves.
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blablablax17 posted...

Just pretend to sleep all the time.

lol umm yeah Friday in 2 weeks, I think I'll be sleeping all day and night, sorry brah

Stop being lame and man up tell him he isnt welcome to your house simple
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Tell him you're a hoarder and you have ten year old piles up poop coming out of the toliet like a mountain and there is zero walking space except for intricately carved tunnel systems through the trash
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the average man is unfuckable

the average woman gets blasted by limitless chad dick
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Alpha218 posted...

Just tell him you dont want to hang out

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Asherlee10 posted...

Some of you act like there are no subtleties in human interactions like this.

It's obvious TC still wants to have a friendship with the guy, he just doesn't want him at his house and is asking how to go about conveying that without being a jerk.

My advice: You can be candid/honest, tactful. Perhaps you can let him know (if this is the reason) that you are particular about who comes into your house and would love to go play mini-golf (or whatever) this Friday instead.

Hmm yeah that's a thought, thanks!

As someone who use to be too insecure to be mean I gotta say being mean is one of the most appropriate things in a lot of situations. Now Im just like "I said no mother fucker, drop it".
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

As someone who use to be too insecure to be mean I gotta say being mean is one of the most appropriate things in a lot of situations. Now Im just like "I said no mother fucker, drop it".

This, saying "No" may be hard but in some cases it's absolutely necessary.
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"I have a dog that likes to bite off penises"
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"Its not a good time, super busy. Sorry!"

How fucking hard is that?

just say your house is boring. it works on everyone. people would rather find something else to do than be bored
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I always say I need some alone time with overbearing friends.
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HylianFox posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

As someone who use to be too insecure to be mean I gotta say being mean is one of the most appropriate things in a lot of situations. Now Im just like "I said no mother fucker, drop it".

This, saying "No" may be hard but in some cases it's absolutely necessary.

Yup. Once I started doing this my life completely shifted from living how others wanted me to, to living how I actually want. People won't even have conversations around me when Im watching tv cause they know I have concentration problems and will pop off. On good days I keep my cool cause you don't want to just completely be an asshole. Just assertive. People respect it.
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Hairistotle posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

I mean the entire topic is about how to handle the situation. He already knows he wants to say "no."

But he doesn't know how to say it. He's beating around the bush. There's nothing wrong with politely stating you don't want to hang out at your house. Where I'm from, that isn't tactless; it's just called normal.

Yeah it's just weird with this guy. Like he'll just be like "I was thinking I would come over Friday."

I'm like... ahh... why?

Just to hang out, play with the dog...

Well... yeah I'll probably be too busy...

Asherlee10 posted...

Some of you act like there are no subtleties in human interactions like this.

It's obvious TC still wants to have a friendship with the guy, he just doesn't want him at his house and is asking how to go about conveying that without being a jerk.

My advice: You can be candid/honest, tactful. Perhaps you can let him know (if this is the reason) that you are particular about who comes into your house and would love to go play mini-golf (or whatever) this Friday instead.

you're on a board where when someone makes a topic about relationship problems, the main responses are to break up
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Tell him no if you don't set boundaries these dudes people will walk all over you if he don't want to be friends anymore no big deal
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Lol, anytime Im like "be assertive CE", TC acts like I don't exist. Ya'll need spines. My scoliosis having ass has a stronger spine than the majority of you.
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Asherlee10 posted...

ThyCorndog posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Some of you act like there are no subtleties in human interactions like this.

It's obvious TC still wants to have a friendship with the guy, he just doesn't want him at his house and is asking how to go about conveying that without being a jerk.

My advice: You can be candid/honest, tactful. Perhaps you can let him know (if this is the reason) that you are particular about who comes into your house and would love to go play mini-golf (or whatever) this Friday instead.

you're on a board where when someone makes a topic about relationship problems, the main responses are to break up

It's so silly. Tons of people in this topic act like (or do not know) how subtleties actually exist in socialization. Things like "grow a spine!"

I mean its not like its a big event or turning down a date or something. My friends and I give I dont feel like it for hanging out all the time and its not a big deal. Its not like hes blowing off the friendship either because OP still hangs out with friend doing stuff. Its just casually hanging out. Has nothing to do with growing a spine or whatever people in this topic are spouting. Its a casual hangout so idk why someone has to agonize over saying no over it. Just be honest. Thats all it takes; OP just doesnt want to do it so its not like theyre lying.
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Asherlee10 posted...

ThyCorndog posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

Some of you act like there are no subtleties in human interactions like this.

It's obvious TC still wants to have a friendship with the guy, he just doesn't want him at his house and is asking how to go about conveying that without being a jerk.

My advice: You can be candid/honest, tactful. Perhaps you can let him know (if this is the reason) that you are particular about who comes into your house and would love to go play mini-golf (or whatever) this Friday instead.

you're on a board where when someone makes a topic about relationship problems, the main responses are to break up

It's so silly. Tons of people in this topic act like (or do not know) how subtleties actually exist in socialization. Things like "grow a spine!"

I mean. I didn't even get a response from TC telling me that, I got it from you. Come on. Subtleties definitely exist abd they're overall controlled by your dominating personality traits like making excuses instead of being assertive and straight forward.
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Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

So here are the factors to consider:

Do you let any friends come over to your house?
If you do let some friends come over, are any of them also friends with this guy?
Why does he want to come over to your house?
Why don't you want him to come over?
How important is this friendship?

If the answer to question 1 or 2 is "no" then just be forward and say that your house is your own space and you don't like having anyone over.

The other questions should be considered for how you tell him if the answers to question 1 and 2 are yes.
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Gheb posted...

So here are the factors to consider:

Do you let any friends come over to your house?
If you do let some friends come over, are any of them also friends with this guy?
Why does he want to come over to your house?
Why don't you want him to come over?
How important is this friendship?

If the answer to question 1 or 2 is "no" then just be forward and say that your house is your own space and you don't like having anyone over.

The other questions should be considered for how you tell him if the answers to question 1 and 2 are yes.

I do sometimes have people come over, yes. And I should say that he has been there before, and usually when we hang out we meet at my house. So he knows the place. I just don't want to spend my Friday night Netflix and chilling with a dude.

Corman321 posted...

Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

Nothing is wrong on either side of that conversation, unless you're lying and feel guilt about lying.
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

Nothing is wrong on either side of that conversation, unless you're lying and feel guilt about lying.

I just think it's weird, at our ages, to be like hey I want to come over on this day... this is a 38 year old man. If anything we should be going to a club and trying to pick up girls.

and I'll admit the last time we hung out he weirded me out so I purposely tried pointing out hot girls and he was just like eh, whatever. He had no interest in them. So now I don't know what to think about him and I certainly don't want to have a date night with him.

Corman321 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

Nothing is wrong on either side of that conversation, unless you're lying and feel guilt about lying.

I just think it's weird, at our ages, to be like hey I want to come over on this day... this is a 38 year old man. If anything we should be going to a club and trying to pick up girls.

and I'll admit the last time we hung out he weirded me out so I purposely tried pointing out hot girls and he was just like eh, whatever. He had no interest in them. So now I don't know what to think about him and I certainly don't want to have a date night with him.

Wait. Are you a straight dude trying to be courted by a gay dude? Cut that shit loose >_>
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

Nothing is wrong on either side of that conversation, unless you're lying and feel guilt about lying.

I just think it's weird, at our ages, to be like hey I want to come over on this day... this is a 38 year old man. If anything we should be going to a club and trying to pick up girls.

and I'll admit the last time we hung out he weirded me out so I purposely tried pointing out hot girls and he was just like eh, whatever. He had no interest in them. So now I don't know what to think about him and I certainly don't want to have a date night with him.

Wait. Are you a straight dude trying to be courted by a gay dude? Cut that shit loose >_>

Everyone assures me he's not gay.

Kinda weird that he would just ask to hang at your house specifically if you aren't like super close best friends. Normal behavior is seeing if someone wants to hang out and then feeling around for where both sides would like to do it. If one person wants to do it at their house then they say so

Oh so this isn't about really hanging at your house and just not wanting to be alone with a guy you think wants you. If he makes a pass at you just say you're not gay. It's really not that hard

Corman321 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Corman321 posted...

Here's our interactions today lol

https://imgur.com/STOgB5M

I don't know why it isn't showing the image

Nothing is wrong on either side of that conversation, unless you're lying and feel guilt about lying.

I just think it's weird, at our ages, to be like hey I want to come over on this day... this is a 38 year old man. If anything we should be going to a club and trying to pick up girls.

and I'll admit the last time we hung out he weirded me out so I purposely tried pointing out hot girls and he was just like eh, whatever. He had no interest in them. So now I don't know what to think about him and I certainly don't want to have a date night with him.

Wait. Are you a straight dude trying to be courted by a gay dude? Cut that shit loose >_>

Everyone assures me he's not gay.

What does your intuition tell you?
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Yeah, it's weird. I was taught since childhood that it is very rude to invite yourself somewhere. So I have difficulty getting into the mindset of someone so brazen.
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