Poll of the Day > Paul Timberman's workshop

(+) Yeah! (+)

Paul Timberman Will Sasso
Voice - ???

(Scene opens with Paul Sawing some work on the table
He then smashes it up and throws his tools to ground
Realising he's TV, he turns and walks towards the camera)

Paul: Oh hi there,
Im Paul Timberman of Paul Timbermans workshop,

You know I have over 200 tools here in my workshop,
but I find I end up using the same ones over and over again.
Well I offen wish I could combine all them tools into one
Guess what,
the good folks at Tool Co. have done it, bless their hearts
Ha, ha, ha.

(Walks over to the WonderTool 2000 on the table)

Here it is the Wondertool 2000
this little baby(struggles trying to lift up the wondertool), puts shoulder and arm back in joint, his bones click)

This little baby does it all does it all
Hammerin Sawin rulin cuttin sawin drillin sandin sawin sawin drillin sandin. Sawin
Why heck, theres even a little corkscrew so you can open up a bottle of wine.
All you gotta do is..you just gotta...I guess you pull it off
I don't know this stuff...
Just pull...pull like, you know get it off there
And just pull it off

(stabs himself in the right eye with the corkscrew)

ARGH!

(struggles to get it out.

Corkscrew falls to the floor with his Eyeball impaled on it)

That stings....heh

(Next scene begins with Paul standing with a Cork in his right eye socket)

You know this past winter I was out in the woods cutting down Christmas Trees
And before I knew it, it got pitch dark and I was lost
I was out of food and water for 3 days and hoarse from yelling:
HERE I AM BOYS PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME, COME AND HELP ME!
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, huuuh,
I wouldve given anything for a flare gun.
Guess what,
now Ive got it with the WonderTool Two Thou..ouow.. Come on Darlin!
ow oh (struggles to lift the WonderTool and puts his shoulder and arm joint back in, arm bones click)
Simply load the flare and youre ready to go (loads flare)
I know what youre thinkin
if somethin like this went off indoors itd make an awful mess
Well dont worry
Theres a safety button right here next to the flare button

(presses the wrong button and blows his head off;

his brains splatter on the walls
And his body falls to the floor)

(Shows The Best of Paul Timberman VHS on the table
And shows scenes of previous Paul Timberman sketches while the voice says...)

Voice:If you Order now, Tool Co. will include absolutely free the Best of Paul Timberman
The Safe, easy to follow guide to make just about anything from your own home worshop
youll learn how to make:

Curios (Drops cannister on his foot)
Baby Cribs (Drills into his thumb)
Lazy Susan (Hammers his hand)
Girls Vanadict
Diaper Changer (Falls on a cabinet)
Hat Rack (Get's a nail in his head)
Jeweller Box (Cuts his thumb off with plyers)
Picnic Hamper (Cuts his legs off with a chainsaw)
Drink Trays (Falls to the floor)
Chess Set
Wheelchair ramp (Saws his groin and back)

And much, much more. (Drills through wood and his chin, spits blood on the wood)
So What are you waiting for? (Falls over with Christmas tree)
Order Now!

(Paul is now standing again holding the WonderTool 2000
His head is completely bandaged up and abit bloody)

Paul: That was definitely not the Saftey Button (his teeth fall out)
The WonderTool 2000
Best make by Name

(he mumbles something else.
The chainsaw starts up and cuts his head,
he loses control of the WonderTool,
spins round and goes off screen
Then some of his body parts fly through the air past the screen)

Voice: The WonderTool 2000
We guarantee itll be the last tool youll ever buy.

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