Current Events > Girl I've been seeing just cried to me for half an hour about her ex

(+) Yeah! (+)

littlebro07 posted...

Clearly your only option is to fuck the ex to prove your dominance.

This gets my vote.
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So what was the issue with the ex?
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EnragedSlith posted...

TommyG663513 posted...

Eh I say continue on, but keep it casual. May as well wait things out if you feel you are pretty compatible. Don't get in too deep and call yourselves exclusive. Just try and have fun and all that.

If she doesn't improve enough by your breaking point then bail. Perhaps you've already reached that.

Nah, I dont play that way. I know what I like and I know what I need, and Im not going to be used as a cure for horniness and loneliness by someone Im compatible with. If she was just a body, itd be different, but Ive known her for a year and I know theres a lot more here than physical chemistry.

This is correct for you (most importantly) but also her. Nothing good could come of this at least right now.
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GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up
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This topic is making me scared, there's this girl I've been kind of interested in and we've been hanging out a lot and stuff and she just got out of a 4 year relationship and they even lived together.

FrisbeeDude posted...

Get. Out. Now.

edit: had this girl over and maybe 20 minutes in, she gets a call from some on/off again boyfriend. spends 20 minutes trying to convince him we arent doing anything, only to get up and leave. apologized and told me she'd call me the next day. never spoke to her again

She needed an excuse to get away from you.
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EnragedSlith posted...

GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up

Wait they havent dated for 4 years?
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TC I was in your exact same shoes a couple of years ago. Met a new chick, we clicked immediately, had a lot of fun. One time when I was creeping on her I found her personal tumblr page where she talked about how she still had deep feelings for her ex. I broke up with her shortly after.

It's not worth the trouble. She shouldn't be dating you if she's not even ready to move on. You're competing with some ideal fantasy version of her ex that she has now conjured up in her head.

AreteWastrel posted...

This topic is making me scared, there's this girl I've been kind of interested in and we've been hanging out a lot and stuff and she just got out of a 4 year relationship and they even lived together.

It really depends on the person, some people can move on faster than others.

I absolutely should not have dated immediately after my long term gf, it was unfair to the few women I was with directly after. But two years of being alone helped me grow past my ex and now I'm happy with someone else.

Then again I broke up with my ex so if she dumped me it probably would have taken longer to heal

clearaflagrantj posted...

AreteWastrel posted...

This topic is making me scared, there's this girl I've been kind of interested in and we've been hanging out a lot and stuff and she just got out of a 4 year relationship and they even lived together.

It really depends on the person, some people can move on faster than others.

I absolutely should not have dated immediately after my long term gf, it was unfair to the few women I was with directly after. But two years of being alone helped me grow past my ex and now I'm happy with someone else.

Then again I broke up with my ex so if she dumped me it probably would have taken longer to heal

Yeah thats true, I wonder what to think about it if she was the one that was dumped and shes a pretty attractive girl

Cornmuffins posted...

EnragedSlith posted...

GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up

Wait they havent dated for 4 years?

treewojima posted...

Cornmuffins posted...

EnragedSlith posted...

GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up

Wait they havent dated for 4 years?

Something like that. But if you keep interacting and do an on and off thing, it resets that timer, and she spent a month in Europe with him a year ago.
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EnragedSlith posted...

treewojima posted...

Cornmuffins posted...

EnragedSlith posted...

GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up

Wait they havent dated for 4 years?

Something like that. But if you keep interacting and do an on and off thing, it resets that timer, and she spent a month in Europe with him a year ago.

Yikes... Run like hell, man. He's always going to be an issue.
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like most folks, she just wants to be held and told that everything's gonna be alright. it's the general support lifeline we all seek in our times of need. basically saying those words is what we all want to hear.
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HBOSS posted...

like most folks, she just wants to be held and told that everything's gonna be alright. it's the general support lifeline we all seek in our times of need. basically saying those words is what we all want to hear.

but if she's still this attached to her ex four years since the breakup, she has a lot of emotional issues to sort out. I wouldn't blame TC at all for opting not to pursue the romantic/physical relationship any further. at this point she needs a friend and a shoulder to cry on, and that's a very different thing from a boyfriend or lover

HBOSS posted...

like most folks, she just wants to be held and told that everything's gonna be alright. it's the general support lifeline we all seek in our times of need. basically saying those words is what we all want to hear.

This may be generally true but doesn't seem to apply to this case. The red flags are so huge they're practically sheets.
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*sigh*

Im hurting today, as its sinking in. She tried talking with me a bit yesterday and said she wanted to see me, but didnt fight me when I said there wasnt much of a point. I shouldnt expect much, but I got my hopes up after how well things had been going. We clicked in a lot of ways, Im just not the guy she realized shes missing.
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EnragedSlith posted...

and Im not going to be used as a cure for horniness and loneliness by someone Im compatible with.

Why? Maybe she needs this right now, to move on. Seems weird that you wouldn't help her out with that because you care about her.
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EnragedSlith posted...

treewojima posted...

Cornmuffins posted...

EnragedSlith posted...

GameGodOfAll posted...

So what was the issue with the ex?

Nothing in particular. 5 year relationship. 4 years out. 1 year out from seeing him in some sort of intimate fashion. I think getting close to me triggered some remittant feelings becaus e taking me on would mean giving him up

Wait they havent dated for 4 years?

Something like that. But if you keep interacting and do an on and off thing, it resets that timer, and she spent a month in Europe with him a year ago.

things like this are why you need to put details in the OP
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EpicMickeyDrew posted...

EnragedSlith posted...

and Im not going to be used as a cure for horniness and loneliness by someone Im compatible with.

Why? Maybe she needs this right now, to move on. Seems weird that you wouldn't help her out with that because you care about her.

Its not a hard line and doesnt have to mean forever. Im going to try talking with her in person tomorrow to get a better sense of things with a few days of this settling. Grief comes in waves, so theres a good chance Id be getting a push and pull as long as she wanted to see me. So I gotta worry about myself, too. She might just need space. Could be she starts missing this when ex feels subside again. But how much should I put up with, you know?
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Call her a beta female.
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