Current Events > Scenario: First contact with alien life is your son having sex with an alien cow

(+) Yeah! (+)

Not literally a cow but the alien's equivalent of a cow, a dumb animal farmed for consumption escaped and inadvertantly went to Earth the same way a cow might escape a farm and walk down a street

There it bumped into your son who legitimately mistook it for an alien woman and it's strange noises and mannerisms as alien language and flirtation. To the aliens it looks like a dirty animal, but he thought it was a sexy intelligent creature. He then had sex with it.

After that aliens turned up casually to pick up their cow and where surprised to find Earth was inhabbited. They made contact with the government. The Situation was explained but the aliens were shocked, amused and horrified depending on who you asked to find your son fucked their cow.

Now your son is forever remembered in history especially amongst the aliens as a hilarious footnote that the first contact with "Earth People" was their equivalent of what would be a peverted idiotic redneck fucking a cow.

Same as if we went to another planet and the first thing we saw was an alien fucking one of our dogs or a pig. Then they turned out to be intelligent reasonable people and we just seemingly by fluke bumped into a freak.

Humans acknowledge the history because it's fucking first contact but they downplay it as much as possible because they are just kinda embarrased and ashamed about it and don't talk about it much.

Your son is all like "I didn't know!!!!!!! How could I have known!?" but everyone still either laughs or ignores him



How would you react as a parent?
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So the cow piloted a ship across the universe.
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Burgess posted...

So the cow piloted a ship across the universe.

You're conflating their technology with our own.

Just like how an airplane to a Caveman would seem like magic.
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But the cow knows magic in this situation.
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Burgess posted...

But the cow knows magic in this situation.

No. It's just a cow.

Well not really but it's what would be comparable to a cow for the aliens
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So how did the cow get here.
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Burgess posted...

So how did the cow get here.

Just pretend it walked into a teleporter thing and accidentally ended up here somehow.
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Burgess posted...

So how did the cow get here.

Same way a cow might wander down a steet.

Or perhaps even into a town.

Maybe there was a hole or the fence fell down or was left unlocked. Maybe there were no safe-guards in place and the cows walk off the field sometimes to other fields and just get rounded up later.

Hell maybe there were safe-guards in place and the cow climbed a fence because it was running from something.

I've see dogs chase cows before. They can run/jump. Even swim a little.

If someone tells you a cow wandered off from Farmer Posey's Barn and ended up in Little Rock you wouldn't go "OH SO HE DROVE A BLIMP DID HE!?"
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How are they able to teleport this far, and why would they have a teleporter where a cow could just walk into it.
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My son wouldn't fuck a alien cow. But I would
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I feel like you're just ignoring your son here.

Which might explain why his upbringing lead to him fucking a space cow
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Any species adequately advanced enough to send ships over here and back is probably using people as cows, so he's probably just fucking a fatty.

Questionmarktarius posted...

Any species adequately advanced enough to send ships over here and back is probably using people as cows,

the fuck
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Wandered over a fence=/=wandering across the galaxy

That's some advance tech
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apocalyptic_4 posted...

Wandered over a fence=/=wandering across the galaxy

That's some advance tech

Well clearly they are advanced since they can travel across space, but even so you're conflating our technology with there's and then assuming it can't match.

Amazon makes one small casual mistake in their warehouse and they send your Ski Boots to a chick in Norway and tomorrow you recieve a Cookbook in Nordish.

Say this to someone 120 years ago and they'd assume you have super-advanced tech even tho the baker might do the same thing in the morning when he sends his son to deliver the brown bread to the wrong family and the white bread to the preist.

Even with "advanced tech" it could be equvliant of a simple mistake or oversight. Like a hole in the fence or leaving the gate unlocked.
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Did the cow consent? If yes, Im proud af.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Questionmarktarius posted...

Any species adequately advanced enough to send ships over here and back is probably using people as cows,

the fuck

It's been a sci-fi staple for decades, if not a century already.

SpiralDrift posted...

Did the cow consent? If yes, Im proud af.

Cows can't consent.

It didn't resist if that's what your asking, but it was probably just generally confused as fuck and hungry while it wandered around aimlessly in strange ways. Your son mistook those alien mannerisms and noises for leading on
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So my son is an alien cow rapist...

I guess I would try to support him since he's my son, but in interviews I would make a point to preface my comments with, "First off, I don't support rape. But I love my son, so..." and make a big point about him getting the psychiatric help he needs.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

apocalyptic_4 posted...

Wandered over a fence=/=wandering across the galaxy

That's some advance tech

Well clearly they are advanced since they can travel across space, but even so you're conflating our technology with there's and then assuming it can't match.

Amazon makes one small casual mistake in their warehouse and they send your Ski Boots to a chick in Norway and tomorrow you recieve a Cookbook in Nordish.

Say this to someone 120 years ago and they'd assume you have super-advanced tech even tho the baker might do the same thing in the morning when he sends his son to deliver the brown bread to the wrong family and the white bread to the preist.

Even with "advanced tech" it could be equvliant of a simple mistake or oversight. Like a hole in the fence or leaving the gate unlocked.

They'd probably just lament that the post hasn't improved in over a century.

This is more akin to a cow somehow making it from Australia to a random block of ice in the Arctic circle without any human help.

If it was able to get here through teleportation or a random ship, there's no way it would be actual first contact. Maybe first public contact, but not the real first contact.
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tainted_emerald posted...

This is more akin to a cow somehow making it from Australia to a random block of ice in the Arctic circle without any human help.

1. No it's not

2. Why make the assumption that it had no human help?

Maybe it fell off a boat or fell off a plane.
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I am too disappointed that the random token end of post image is not concept art of an alien cow to even try to approach this scenario
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Let's just let the aliens fuck our cows then
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ImTheMacheteGuy posted...

I am too disappointed that the random token end of post image is not concept art of an alien cow to even try to approach this scenario

Google led me to this:
https://pre00.deviantart.net/1e7f/th/pre/f/2014/139/c/1/space_cow_yo_by_cottonconfection-d7izpxe.jpg

Questionmarktarius posted...

ImTheMacheteGuy posted...

I am too disappointed that the random token end of post image is not concept art of an alien cow to even try to approach this scenario

Google led me to this:
https://pre00.deviantart.net/1e7f/th/pre/f/2014/139/c/1/space_cow_yo_by_cottonconfection-d7izpxe.jpg

That cow is asking for it
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ImTheMacheteGuy posted...

I am too disappointed that the random token end of post image is not concept art of an alien cow to even try to approach this scenario

Then go play Mass Effect
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if everyone in the world laughed at him, I would call bullshit on them. it would be like when everyone pretended like they had always known what Allepo was, after Gary Johnson said "what is allepo"

if one guy thinks an alien animal is sexy, chances are, many other people would make the same mistake. so they shouldn't be judging. they only laugh after they hear from the aliens what the truth about the animal is

You know, I never understood why UnfairRepresent gets so much hate around here. He really expands my mind in very strange directions.
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Zikten posted...

if everyone in the world laughed at him, I would call bullshit on them. it would be like when everyone pretended like they had always known what Allepo was, after Gary Johnson said "what is allepo"

if one guy thinks an alien animal is sexy, chances are, many other people would make the same mistake. so they shouldn't be judging. they only laugh after they hear from the aliens what the truth about the animal is

So you approve of furries and pedos.
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Burgess posted...

Zikten posted...

if everyone in the world laughed at him, I would call bullshit on them. it would be like when everyone pretended like they had always known what Allepo was, after Gary Johnson said "what is allepo"

if one guy thinks an alien animal is sexy, chances are, many other people would make the same mistake. so they shouldn't be judging. they only laugh after they hear from the aliens what the truth about the animal is

So you approve of furries and pedos.

what does pedo have to do with this? and this isn't furry it is beastiality. furry is people in costumes or drawings of made up animal creatures. this is literal sex with an animal. however, you missed my point. I am saying eve YOU might make this mistake, Burgess. it's an alien creature that seems to look like a human woman of some kind. or close to one. only the aliens think of it as a beast. I am not saying my son knew it was an animal and chose to fuck it. I am saying he thought it was some lady. it was a fucked up mistake that could only happen in science fiction.

Who said it looks like a woman. That was never said at all.
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Zikten posted...

it was a fucked up mistake that could only happen in science fiction.

So my son didn't really fuck a space cow
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UnfairRepresent posted...

There it bumped into your son who legitimately mistook it for an alien woman

My first thought was that the this reminded me of the first scene of the power ranger 2017 movie
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what does pedo have to do with this?

One guy think they're sexy so others would too so you shouldn't judge.
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Zikten posted...

UnfairRepresent posted...

There it bumped into your son who legitimately mistook it for an alien woman

Alien woman not a human woman so again doesn't specify what it looks like really.
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Vultis_Zales posted...

My first thought was that the this reminded me of the first scene of the power ranger 2017 movie

I need to watch that movie again
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Vultis_Zales posted...

My first thought was that the this reminded me of the first scene of the power ranger 2017 movie

I don't want to know
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i'm picturing something like this

https://st3.depositphotos.com/1013193/19166/i/1600/depositphotos_191662994-stock-photo-portrait-alien-woman-glitter-make.jpg

slimfizzle2 posted...

Vultis_Zales posted...

My first thought was that the this reminded me of the first scene of the power ranger 2017 movie

I need to watch that movie again

it was a meh kind of movie

UnfairRepresent posted...

Vultis_Zales posted...

My first thought was that the this reminded me of the first scene of the power ranger 2017 movie

I don't want to know

Lets just say that some people don't know the difference between a cow and a bull
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What's with you and your topics mostly revolving around 'what if' scenarios regarding aliens visiting and our hypothetical kids having sex? Is this a fetish thing?
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Kitt posted...

What's with you and your topics mostly revolving around 'what if' scenarios regarding aliens visiting and our hypothetical kids having sex? Is this a fetish thing?

His next topic will be about finding your alien son fucking a Ming vase
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slimfizzle2 posted...

Kitt posted...

What's with you and your topics mostly revolving around 'what if' scenarios regarding aliens visiting and our hypothetical kids having sex? Is this a fetish thing?

His next topic will be about finding your alien son fucking a Ming vase

The fuck?
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UnfairRepresent posted...

slimfizzle2 posted...

Kitt posted...

What's with you and your topics mostly revolving around 'what if' scenarios regarding aliens visiting and our hypothetical kids having sex? Is this a fetish thing?

His next topic will be about finding your alien son fucking a Ming vase

The fuck?

That's what I would say if my alien son was fucking my Ming vase.

Little bastard doesn't know I saved it over a toddler and a dog in a burning fire. The only dick touching it is mine
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what are you on about?
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slimfizzle2 posted...

Let's just let the aliens fuck our cows then

They already do.

<_<

slimfizzle2 posted...

Let's just let the aliens fuck our cows then

They don't want to
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FortuneCookie posted...

slimfizzle2 posted...

Let's just let the aliens fuck our cows then

They already do.

<_<

I don't get it
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