Current Events > My friend came on to me, then shared our convos with her drinking buddies.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Apparently this was very funny to her. She didn't bother to think that I used to have a thing for her, and that we've had discussions about it in the past. She also didn't seem to think it was an issue to just pass her phone around at the bar to her friends to show what I've been talking about to her.

We've talked about some serious stuff in the past, and I have no idea what else she may have brought up for shits and giggles. I'm pissed, but more than that I'm just... hurt. It doesn't help that I've had little luck with women lately and have been pretty lonely, so this felt like her just stabbing me and twisting the blade.

Sounds like an attention whore. You don't need that negativity in your life.
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That sucks. IMO you should just let her know that you're hurt. There's no need to argue with her - it won't make anything better. If she's a good person she'll take you seriously and apologize. If she isn't, then it might be for the best to make your friendship a little less close.
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It sucks you had to go through that.

Are you sure she wasn't just showing her friends your "funny cute" replies?
Or was she just throwing you under the bus so her buddies could have a cheap laugh?
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ClockworkHare posted...

Are you sure she wasn't just showing her friends your "funny cute" replies?

pretty sure she did it to laugh at TC
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What kind of shit friend does that...
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like i won't tell you to completely dump her ass as a friend, cause lots of guys do the same thing when a chick says something weird too
but there is definitely a line between friends that's a douche move to cross
you gotta ask yourself if what she did is forgivable just this once

maybe she sucks at conversation and was desperate for a relatable topic her buddies could click with
maybe one of those buddies eats humiliating stories about guys like breakfast
as a girl i tell you we all got at least one friend whos bitter af like that

but you also need to consider how much of a friend she really is if she's casually okay turnin on you like that
that she's fine with using you as joke fodder to impress her other friends

sounds like a needed discussion to me
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It was definitely at my expense. She even told me later that she went too far and apologized. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. I'm just not sure I can trust her anymore, and that kinda kills our friendship for me.

Time to force it. Throw everything you have into fucking her and ditch if it doesnt work
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treewojima posted...

It was definitely at my expense. She even told me later that she went too far and apologized. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. I'm just not sure I can trust her anymore, and that kinda kills our friendship for me.

It really sucks. Give it time and see what comes out the other end. I was really hurt by a friend about 2 years ago, and it took until last month for us to even talk again. Now we're friendly, and clearly I missed her friendship, but it's definitely a more distant relationship than before.
Just never say never and stick with whatever you think will make you the happiest. Don't bother letting principles guide you.
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I'm not sure I could even bring it up with her without thinking it would just be another thing for her and her friends to laugh at.
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Post pics of the "friend"
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If it were me, I'd never be able to look at her the same way. I'd end the friendship over that tbh. No excuse.
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You're right, I'm not going to be able to ever talk to her about the things we used to. I certainly never want to go drinking with her after this. That kinda kills whatever friendship we had.

I wouldnt even talk to her anymore. If she wants to repair the friendship its on her
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josifrees posted...

I wouldnt even talk to her anymore. If she wants to repair the friendship its on her

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Act like you aren't bothered and then become too busy to make time for her. Smile and say hello but always be too wrapped up in your own business.

It's funny. Do it.

I told my coworkers at the dealership, and now she's persona non grata. I doubt she'll show her face around here anyway, but it's good to know they have my back.

Girls talk. That's just a fact. At least she was talking about you. But if she was laughing at you, then yeah, that sucks.

I feel like you might be acting a little too sensitive on it, tbh. Shit, you could have used that as an opportunity to have her pay for your drinks and show you off to the scallywags she was ragging on you to.
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Kineth posted...

Girls talk. That's just a fact. At least she was talking about you. But if she was laughing at you, then yeah, that sucks.

I feel like you might be acting a little too sensitive on it, tbh. Shit, you could have used that as an opportunity to have her pay for your drinks and show you off to the scallywags she was ragging on you to.

Her friends that night were a guy and her coworkers. She works at that bar, she had just gotten off her shift. I've never met the dude she was hanging with, but I've met her coworkers. Needless to say I'm never going back there.

Ahhh.

Well, that's unfortunate. I do still think you're being a little too sensitive, but you're not wrong to feel the way you do.

But absolutely don't let this bitch make you start doubting yourself and second guessing yourself. That will become a negative feedback loop. Keep trying, not all people are that shitty.
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I'm not gonna doubt myself over this. It just shows what kind of a person she really is. I'm just surprised since normally she's very kind.

treewojima posted...

I'm not gonna doubt myself over this. It just shows what kind of a person she really is. I'm just surprised since normally she's very kind.

People make mistakes. She's likely not an awful person just because she did this, especially since she realized it was wrong and apologized.

...on the flipside, that doesn't mean that you have to trust her again.
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Whoa, bro. You lived out a fear I didn't even realize I had. How incredibly awful. Fudge that lady. Cares more about getting other people to like her at your expense. Bad company to keep.
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I'm sorry that happened to you especially since you trusted her and considered her a friend.

All girls aren't like that. And guys talk too.

scar the 1 posted...

treewojima posted...

I'm not gonna doubt myself over this. It just shows what kind of a person she really is. I'm just surprised since normally she's very kind.

People make mistakes. She's likely not an awful person just because she did this, especially since she realized it was wrong and apologized.

...on the flipside, that doesn't mean that you have to trust her again.

I'm really torn when I think about it. I really enjoy her company as a friend, and I do think she realizes that she went way too far. She's a sweet and understanding person... when she's not drinking. That's part of why I bonded with her - I think she has a problem with alcohol that she doesn't yet realize, but I've acknowledged that I have a drinking problem and see the same warning signs with her.

And yet... I really don't want anything to do with her anymore. Maybe that will change with time, but for now, the very thought of being around her makes me angry and upset.

Platonic friendships with the opposite sex are a waste of time as you get older.
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treewojima posted...

I'm really torn when I think about it. I really enjoy her company as a friend, and I do think she realizes that she went way too far. She's a sweet and understanding person... when she's not drinking. That's part of why I bonded with her - I think she has a problem with alcohol that she doesn't yet realize, but I've acknowledged that I have a drinking problem and see the same warning signs with her.

And yet... I really don't want anything to do with her anymore. Maybe that will change with time, but for now, the very thought of being around her makes me angry and upset.

And that's very understandable, because you're hurt and upset. But be sure to not burn any bridges or make decisions when you're upset. Things will cool down, then you will know what you want.
Friends with alcohol issues is a tricky thing. My ex had a drinking problem, and it's difficult to address. Even so, I think you'll be doing yourself and her a service if you bring it up at some point. Not as ammunition in an argument, just as a matter of fact. But again not when you're hurt. Ultimately it's not your responsibility, and you'll have to look after yourself first.
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