Current Events > I'm such a worthless piece of shit.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm just grinding though life for the sake of it, for an endless cycle of worthlessness.

My little cousin who looks up to me only wanted a fucking game from me for Christmas, be gave me a list of a few games on Amazon and said I didn't need to get them all but just to surprise him with one if I could, but I didn't even have a mere $60 to spend for him. I saw him today for the first time since Christmas and I can tell he's disappointed even though he's trying to seem like he's not.

Seriously just fuck everything, I can't even afford to do something to make a kid happy for Christmas. I'm fucking trash.
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better late than never.
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Make some goals and go for them.

Why didn't you just buy him a game

ArchiePeck posted...

Make some goals and go for them.

I'm not really able to change my situation right now due to a work disability I'm recovering from.

gafemaqs posted...

Why didn't you just buy him a game

Because I literally didn't have the money to spend if I want to also be able eat.
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xBloodBrotherx posted...

Because I literally didn't have the money to spend if I want to also be able eat.

So then why are you mad at yourself? Sometimes you can't always do what you think you should do. Maybe get him one later as a make-up?

Compare this low to other peoples lows and you'll realize how ridiculous you're being. Just get him it when you can like others said.
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I'm feeling bad because he's been though a lot this year. My aunt and his step dad are pieces of shit, he was sexually abused several months ago by someone related to his stepfather, but he's also a great kid who works hard at school, is on the honor roll, and has helped organize coat drives and a bunch of other shit.
I'm sure his garbage parents gave him shit for Christmas and with how much he's always looked up to me I feel like a complete failure as a person right now.
And it's not even like I can just do it next month or something, it's looking like it's going to be 7 months at least of me barely even keeping a roof over my head until I get back working again.

This feeling is the fucking worst.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Compare this low to other peoples lows and you'll realize how ridiculous you're being. Just get him it when you can like others said.

I mean I'm on the brink of homelessness and I can't even do something for the only half decent person in my family who's been through literal hell this year.
That feels pretty fucking low to me.
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xBloodBrotherx posted...

I'm feeling bad because he's been though a lot this year. My aunt and his step dad are pieces of shit, he was sexually abused several months ago by someone related to his stepfather, but he's also a great kid who works hard at school, is on the honor roll, and has helped organize coat drives and a bunch of other shit.
I'm sure his garbage parents gave him shit for Christmas and with how much he's always looked up to me I feel like a complete failure as a person right now.
And it's not even like I can just do it next month or something, it's looking like it's going to be 7 months at least of me barely even keeping a roof over my head until I get back working again.

This feeling is the fucking worst.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Compare this low to other peoples lows and you'll realize how ridiculous you're being. Just get him it when you can like others said.

I mean I'm on the brink of homelessness and I can't even do something for the only half decent person in my family who's been through literal hell this year.
That feels pretty fucking low to me.

So he probably wants you to feel like shit about it right? Naw, you're just making him the reason you feel like shit which is dumb.
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Maybe just spend some time with him. If he looks up to you that would make him happy. Talk and hang out with him.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

xBloodBrotherx posted...

I'm feeling bad because he's been though a lot this year. My aunt and his step dad are pieces of shit, he was sexually abused several months ago by someone related to his stepfather, but he's also a great kid who works hard at school, is on the honor roll, and has helped organize coat drives and a bunch of other shit.
I'm sure his garbage parents gave him shit for Christmas and with how much he's always looked up to me I feel like a complete failure as a person right now.
And it's not even like I can just do it next month or something, it's looking like it's going to be 7 months at least of me barely even keeping a roof over my head until I get back working again.

This feeling is the fucking worst.

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Compare this low to other peoples lows and you'll realize how ridiculous you're being. Just get him it when you can like others said.

I mean I'm on the brink of homelessness and I can't even do something for the only half decent person in my family who's been through literal hell this year.
That feels pretty fucking low to me.

So he probably wants you to feel like shit about it right? Naw, you're just making him the reason you feel like shit which is dumb.

No, I'm feeling like shit because my childhood was garbage and all I'm feeling right now is empathy that someone else that I love and doesn't deserve it is going through the same thing and there's not even anything I can do to provide the slightest bit of relief from what he's going through on a daily basis, or contribute anything to anyone else for that matter. I'm literally good for nothing other than just existing to exist.
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mipond posted...

Maybe just spend some time with him. If he looks up to you that would make him happy. Talk and hang out with him.

He lives too far away for me to see him frequently or hang out with him too long anymore. I honestly shouldn't even have drove out here today because I can't really afford to be spending any money at all.

leverageblargh posted...

he was sexually abused several months ago by someone related to his stepfather

Was the rapist arrested?

How did the stepfather handle the whole thing?

Yes, he told a school counselor thank God.

I have no idea, but he's a piece of shit himself so who knows.
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Yeah I'm just kind of on the verge of a breakdown just because of what he's been through this year and feeling like I can't do anything at all to even help a little bit because of my current situation.
I'm aware that feeling this way about myself won't help anything but I don't know how to feel any other way right now. It's all just such a bad situation.
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You couldn't buy a used game for him for $20?
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Can you phone/text him more frequently? So he knows you care.

I know this sounds silly, but maybe write him a letter. Tell him how bad you feel you couldn't get him the game and that you wish you could spend more time with him. Let him know you are struggling. Then send it off snail mail. It will mean a lot to him.

You can only do what you can do...

I'm doing a bit better after a PM conversation I had with someone who helped me out a lot. He didn't actually post in this topic though however so I won't name him on the off chance he wants it to stay low key. But he's an extremely kind person.
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