Current Events > Gonna break up with the GF today

(+) Yeah! (+)

We are both docs who are unfortunately doing our residencies 11 hrs apart. I started talking to someone else and the temptation is getting too hard. I had a long distance relationship of 6 years before this one and now I think I am done with long distance, especially when there are just so many temptations here. This is gonna suck because I know this will absolutely devastate her; I'm her first boyfriend and lover. I think her shift ends at 10 tonight, I guess I'll break it to her then.
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It's probably for the best, long distance relationships are a waste of time in my opinion...
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Bummer dude.

Follow your heart.
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Pics
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Tough thing to give up though.

I mean you guys would be banking some serious cash. Not a lot of other girls like that out there.
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Just bang other girls and don't say anything. She'll never know.
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HypnoCoosh posted...

Tough thing to give up though.

I mean you guys would be banking some serious cash. Not a lot of other girls like that out there.

I'm kind of talking to another resident here lol. Makes me feel dirty because I know we are attracted to each other and to totally under the table for now. There's a wedding this weekend that we are going to and it's gonna be us getting drunk and slamming it out >_>.

This sucks though. I never thought I would fall out of love so easily and so quickly because she's a genuinely amazing person and distance just killed it.
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men are pigs, more news at 11.
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MrPeppers posted...

This sucks though. I never thought I would fall out of love so easily and so quickly because she's a genuinely amazing person and distance just killed it.

That is EXACTLY why long distance relationships suck... It just doesn't work in practice. You need some SERIOUS patience and SERIOUS self control to keep those working and they are NOT worth the headache imo.
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MrPeppers posted...

HypnoCoosh posted...

Tough thing to give up though.

I mean you guys would be banking some serious cash. Not a lot of other girls like that out there.

I'm kind of talking to another resident here lol. Makes me feel dirty because I know we are attracted to each other and to totally under the table for now. There's a wedding this weekend that we are going to and it's gonna be us getting drunk and slamming it out >_>.

This sucks though. I never thought I would fall out of love so easily and so quickly because she's a genuinely amazing person and distance just killed it.

Still a tough spot though.

Are you 100% sure your over her and this isn't just some lusting for this other girl?
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HypnoCoosh posted...

MrPeppers posted...

HypnoCoosh posted...

Tough thing to give up though.

I mean you guys would be banking some serious cash. Not a lot of other girls like that out there.

I'm kind of talking to another resident here lol. Makes me feel dirty because I know we are attracted to each other and to totally under the table for now. There's a wedding this weekend that we are going to and it's gonna be us getting drunk and slamming it out >_>.

This sucks though. I never thought I would fall out of love so easily and so quickly because she's a genuinely amazing person and distance just killed it.

Still a tough spot though.

Are you 100% sure your over her and this isn't just some lusting for this other girl?

Yeah. We went on vacation the only week we both get off until next July and, while it was fun, I knew it was over. There are subtle differences that would be headaches down the road and i can't stress enough how my past long distance relationship has soured trying to make things work out over distance. If we were both doing residencies in Memphis the temptation and headaches would be nonexistent but that's not the case
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Then cut her loose.

Honesty is good. Just be 100% honest that's the best policy.

then go enjoy your freedom :)
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MrPeppers posted...

This sucks though. I never thought I would fall out of love so easily and so quickly because she's a genuinely amazing person and distance just killed it.

This is part of life. People come, people go no matter how important they were during the time you spent with them. She will be hurt but that's also part of life and without knowing each of you personally i'm sure, with time, she will be ok.
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Sooo you are yet another guy who talks to other girls while in a relationship, decided she’s better, and chose to ditch your girl for her?

Happens all the time especially in CE since it’s a straight white male circlejerk here

Tf

This again, is why some girls are possessive and don’t let their bf text a bunch of other girls
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LittleRoyal posted...

Sooo you are yet another guy who talks to other girls while in a relationship, decided she’s better, and chose to ditch your girl for her?

Happens all the time especially in CE since it’s a straight white male circlejerk here

Tf

This again, is why some girls are possessive and don’t let their bf text a bunch of other girls

It's not like that at all, he never even said the other girl was "better." He is in a long distance relationship, they are 11 hours away from each other.

Long distance relationships are the relationship that have the highest potential to fail on both sides. He is doing the NICE thing and ending the relationship before he does something STUPID and ends it on a FAR worse note...

Long distance relationships have a 40% chance of failure for any number of reasons. Honestly I would be surprised if that number is higher now.
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I don't ever talk to the opposite sex.

I have my girl and that's that.

I never understood how guys and girls can be friends.
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Sad but it makes sense given what you said
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Dustin1280 posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Sooo you are yet another guy who talks to other girls while in a relationship, decided she’s better, and chose to ditch your girl for her?

Happens all the time especially in CE since it’s a straight white male circlejerk here

Tf

This again, is why some girls are possessive and don’t let their bf text a bunch of other girls

It's not like that at all, he never even said the other girl was "better." He is in a long distance relationship, they are 11 hours away from each other.

Long distance relationships are the relationship that have the highest potential to fail on both sides. He is doing the NICE thing and ending the relationship before he does something STUPID and ends it on a FAR worse note...

He said he fell out of love because he’s been chatting and flirting with this new woman
That’s just like saying she’s better because clearly he is picking her, instead of talking to his gf and making it work


He even made plans where he’s gonna go have sex with her before even breaking up.


Fuck even doctors can be shitty people now fuck CE
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LittleRoyal posted...

Fuck even doctors can be shitty people now fuck CE

Oh my sweet summer child...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuskegee_syphilis_experiment

The Tuskegee Study of Untreated Syphilis in the Negro Male, also known as the Tuskegee Syphilis Study or Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment was an infamous clinical study conducted between 1932 and 1972 by the U.S. Public Health Service. The purpose of this study was to observe the natural progression of untreated syphilis in rural African-American men in Alabama under the guise of receiving free health care from the United States government.
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Little Royal's naivety never ceases to amaze me.

Long distance relationships are DOOMED for failure 70% of the time, I found new statistics because I knew the 40% seemed inaccurate.
http://www.statisticbrain.com/long-distance-relationship-statistics/

He is actually doing the right thing, trying to make that relationship work isn't worth the troubles it would bring.
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My sis did a 4 year long distance relationship through college and then came back and is still together with the guy, but they are both very shy and introverted people who didn't really make friends in college which I think might have made it more likely.
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Sativa_Rose posted...

My sis did a 4 year long distance relationship through college and then came back and is still together with the guy, but they are both very shy and introverted people who didn't really make friends in college which I think might have made it more likely.

It's not impossible, but it's incredibly stressful and makes the relationship WAY harder to maintain.

The fact that they were both antisocial people with few friends most definitely helped make that work.
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Dustin1280 posted...

Little Royal's naivety never ceases to amaze me.

Long distance relationships are DOOMED for failure 70% of the time, I found new statistics because I knew the 40% seemed inaccurate.
http://www.statisticbrain.com/long-distance-relationship-statistics/

He is actually doing the right thing, trying to make that relationship work isn't worth the troubles it would bring.

Even if this is true, Little Royal has somewhat of a point. If TC knew the relationship was over when he went on vacation with his girl, then he should have talked to her and ended it right then and there. Waiting until a new girl comes along then ending it is not right. That is what makes people so paranoid in relationships. I get that he wanted to try to make a long distance relationship work but he really should have ended it sooner rather than later. When someone finds out their SO was already flirting and talking to someone else before they decided to end the relationship even if that they wanted to for a while, it hurts like shit.

When you want to end a relationship, just talk to the SO right then and there. Waiting only makes it worse.
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I was in a long distance relationship for a year. Eventually we had to just move closer to eachother as it was a pain in the arse to be in the relationship. It was either that, or split up.

We're still together 4 years on though.

Kakkeron posted...

I was in a long distance relationship for a year. Eventually we had to just move closer to each other as it was a pain in the arse to be in the relationship. It was either that, or split up.

We're still together 4 years on though.

That's the key factor right there

Apocalyptic posted...

Dustin1280 posted...

Little Royal's naivety never ceases to amaze me.

Long distance relationships are DOOMED for failure 70% of the time, I found new statistics because I knew the 40% seemed inaccurate.
http://www.statisticbrain.com/long-distance-relationship-statistics/

He is actually doing the right thing, trying to make that relationship work isn't worth the troubles it would bring.

Even if this is true, Little Royal has somewhat of a point. If TC knew the relationship was over when he went on vacation with his girl, then he should have talked to her and ended it right then and there. Waiting until a new girl comes along then ending it is not right. That is what makes people so paranoid in relationships. I get that he wanted to try to make a long distance relationship work but he really should have ended it sooner rather than later. When someone finds out their SO was already flirting and talking to someone else before they decided to end the relationship even if that they wanted to for a while, it hurts like shit.

When you want to end a relationship, just talk to the SO right then and there. Waiting only makes it worse.

I don't entirely disagree on this, but he wanted to TRY to make the long distance relationship work, I don't fault him for that.

I do however understand you and little royal's point about the pre-flirting being a concern.
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Do you mind if I become her backup?
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It's interesting seeing everyone's different opinions on this situation. Mind you I'm not looking for sympathy or validation, so your criticisms are welcome.

I didn't, however, go out looking for someone else and I didn't start intentionally flirting with someone. It's kind of hard to not talk to women as an obgyn lol. Most of my coworders and contacts are women.

This is just an unfun situation. I don't know if I'd even call it an unfortunate one; it's just how this scenario played out. I'm sure I could have handled it better by breaking it off before or during our vacation, but to me that was my last stand to see if my heart was still in it. I don't fault myself for that.
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You gave it one last try okay
But you didn’t end it at any point until you knew you had someone else waiting for you that’s what I really hate about you, and why you really gross me out.


You don’t even feel that bad to break up, you just wanted to make sure you’d have another lay in case this ended. A girl 11 hours away is better than none >.>
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LittleRoyal posted...

You gave it one last try okay
But you didn’t end it at any point until you knew you had someone else waiting for you that’s what I really hate about you, and why you really gross me out.


You don’t even feel that bad to break up, you just wanted to make sure you’d have another lay in case this ended. A girl 11 hours away is better than none >.>

I didn't wait until I had another one lined up. I wasn't looking do an excuse to get out and it's not like I'm afraid of being alone so I just waited. That's a bit of a stretch to make a claim like that. I didn't go on vacation just to have a bunch of sex and dump. That's an incredibly unfair assessment.

But again I at least appreciate your input.
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Kind of a fair assumption when you didn’t decide to break up with your gf until after the possible sex and vacation and after you are confident you’ll be having sex with this new girl.
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LittleRoyal posted...

Kind of a fair assumption when you didn’t decide to break up with your gf until after the possible sex and vacation and after you are confident you’ll be having sex with this new girl.

That's not where my head was. You're placing a caricature of the typical "men are pigs" archetype into the scenario to reinforce whatever biases you have.

Sex is not my motive to hold onto or let go of a relationship, sorry.
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You're a doctor? If so, can you tell me why we should care?
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Lathissamus posted...

You're a doctor? If so, can you tell me why we should care?

*rolls eyes*

To frame the scenario and hopefully help paint the picture that a residency demands no weekends off and maybe 2 vacations a year. Meant nothing else by that
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MrPeppers posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Kind of a fair assumption when you didn’t decide to break up with your gf until after the possible sex and vacation and after you are confident you’ll be having sex with this new girl.

That's not where my head was. You're placing a caricature of the typical "men are pigs" archetype into the scenario to reinforce whatever biases you have.

Sex is not my motive to hold onto or let go of a relationship, sorry.

^^ I’m not putting caricatures I’m telling you how it happened.
Maybe you’re not even as bad as that and it’s just that you were using her for companionship and now that you have someone into you who is closer, you’ll leave her.


Uhh that’s still despicable but at least it isn’t more of that common “using girls for sex”


Oh or should I think you’re the good guy for leading s girl on just to break up with her as soon as you get someone to fall on, so she gets to be broken hearted and all alone and you get to go to a wedding and have fun and make cute fun inside jokes with some girl you’re super into, and probably have sex.
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MrPeppers posted...

Lathissamus posted...

You're a doctor? If so, can you tell me why we should care?

*rolls eyes*

To frame the scenario and hopefully help paint the picture that a residency demands no weekends off and maybe 2 vacations a year. Meant nothing else by that

Yes, but who cares? I need a diagnosis, Doc!
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Asherlee10 posted...

LittleRoyal - would you want someone to stay in a relationship with you out of guilt or any other reason than they just want to be with you?

There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone. TC is doing the right thing and doing it before feelings can get hurt worse.

I’d rather them break up when they lose their feelings, not when they’ve got someone else on their hook.

So I don’t feel discarded and live out a while feeling inadequate, or wondering why he’d have left me for a better girl and what makes her so much better.

I don’t criminalize people for dumping their SO but I do hate when people do it only when they found a better option.

But I’m sure it’ll happen to me because most girls are apparently better options ~
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Not everyone can make long distance work, so its best to just end it now instead of prolonging misery for yourself and hope for her.

For me, mine managed to work. 6 years long distance/across the country; her in Cali, me in Florida. After 6 years, we met in the middle in Colorado and moved in together; 8 years later, we currently still live together, though in a different state because oh my god the people in Colorado tend to be freakin' horrible.
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Little Royal just wears some huge rose-tinted-glasses so it's hard for her to see the other side of things sometimes...

Senta posted...

Not everyone can make long distance work, so its best to just end it now instead of prolonging misery for yourself and hope for her.

For me, mine managed to work. 6 years long distance/across the country; her in Cali, me in Florida. After 6 years, we met in the middle in Colorado and moved in together; 8 years later, we currently still live together, though in a different state because oh my god the people in Colorado tend to be freakin' horrible.

6 years... wow props on you Senta that is no easy task to accomplish
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Asherlee10 posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

LittleRoyal - would you want someone to stay in a relationship with you out of guilt or any other reason than they just want to be with you?

There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone. TC is doing the right thing and doing it before feelings can get hurt worse.

I’d rather them break up when they lose their feelings, not when they’ve got someone else on their hook.

So I don’t feel discarded and live out a while feeling inadequate, or wondering why he’d have left me for a better girl and what makes her so much better.

I don’t criminalize people for dumping their SO but I do hate when people do it only when they found a better option.

But I’m sure it’ll happen to me because most girls are apparently better options ~

Gaining feelings for someone and losing feelings for the person you are currently with can absolutely happen at the same time. Regardless, you are setting an absurd expectation on being broken up with.

TC is very much in the right to cut off his currently relationship now instead of dragging her along.

Well Yeah, he break up

Problem is how he should have broken up a while ago. If you don’t have feelings break up then, he waited until he had feelings for someone else so he doesn’t have to worry about the sad part of the break up, he gets to move right along. She doesn’t.
Just scummy
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Dustin1280 posted...

Little Royal just wears some huge rose-tinted-glasses so it's hard for her to see the other side of things sometimes...

Senta posted...

Not everyone can make long distance work, so its best to just end it now instead of prolonging misery for yourself and hope for her.

For me, mine managed to work. 6 years long distance/across the country; her in Cali, me in Florida. After 6 years, we met in the middle in Colorado and moved in together; 8 years later, we currently still live together, though in a different state because oh my god the people in Colorado tend to be freakin' horrible.

6 years... wow props on you Senta that is no easy task to accomplish

No, you just think that because I don’t think the world and every person in it is evil
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LittleRoyal posted...

No, you just think that because I don’t think the world and every person in it is evil

Perish the thought, that would be a horrible way to live life.
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He went on a vacation and felt no feelings for her there. He knew he was ready to break up.

But he didn’t wait to be sure.

He just waited.

And then suddenly when a cute girl is flirting with him and wants to be his date, now suddenly he found his courage to do the right thing and stop dragging her on.

Yeah I don’t even buy that he is so confident he’s in the right.
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Nothing
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LittleRoyal posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

LittleRoyal posted...

Asherlee10 posted...

LittleRoyal - would you want someone to stay in a relationship with you out of guilt or any other reason than they just want to be with you?

There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone. TC is doing the right thing and doing it before feelings can get hurt worse.

I’d rather them break up when they lose their feelings, not when they’ve got someone else on their hook.

So I don’t feel discarded and live out a while feeling inadequate, or wondering why he’d have left me for a better girl and what makes her so much better.

I don’t criminalize people for dumping their SO but I do hate when people do it only when they found a better option.

But I’m sure it’ll happen to me because most girls are apparently better options ~

Gaining feelings for someone and losing feelings for the person you are currently with can absolutely happen at the same time. Regardless, you are setting an absurd expectation on being broken up with.

TC is very much in the right to cut off his currently relationship now instead of dragging her along.

Well Yeah, he break up

Problem is how he should have broken up a while ago. If you don’t have feelings break up then, he waited until he had feelings for someone else so he doesn’t have to worry about the sad part of the break up, he gets to move right along. She doesn’t.
Just scummy

That's... not what happened at all. Look, it's not a great situation to be in but it's not like I lost the love and held onto her until someone else who could fill that gap would come along. That is absolutely not what happened.
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Last time I was in your shoes TC's I left a good thing for something that was a million times worse because all I saw was the green grass and not the bullshit hiding behind it

Not saying yours is headed that way, but just look at all the signs over the years with your other girl then make your best judgment.

Good luck to you as that is never an easy situation to be in.
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