Current Events > Would you quickly dump your gf/wife if she brought up a subject about open sex?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yep we're done the instant she brings that up.
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I'd say "you know we're already open, right?"

So I guess I'm voting "no".
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FrisbeeDude posted...

"Bringing up the idea of sleeping with other people means she's already doing/will do it even if you disapprove"

CEman logic at its finest lmao

Conversely I always find it amusing that cues into possible mistrust in a relationship mean someone's insecure and ignoring cues and possibly keep on keeping in a relationship that no longer is making someone happy is progressive. Both extremes are laughable.
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Kolibri X posted...

MegaButterfree posted...

KTG2 posted...

Wow, CE is chock to the brim with insecure men

So not wanting your girlfriend/wife to bang other dudes is being "insecure"?

being an emasculated pussy is a movement. you don't wanna be a square do you?

God, you're fucking pathetic. If you were even kind of secure, you wouldn't have to act like such a tryhard.

Grrrrrr you're such a big tough man grrrr
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DoGCyN posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

"Bringing up the idea of sleeping with other people means she's already doing/will do it even if you disapprove"

CEman logic at its finest lmao

Can you explain why it's wrong? That scenario^, while not 100%, is highly likely and brings up a huge red flag no matter which party brought it up.

It's not "highly likely" nor does it bring up a red flag lmao wtf
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FrisbeeDude posted...

DoGCyN posted...

FrisbeeDude posted...

"Bringing up the idea of sleeping with other people means she's already doing/will do it even if you disapprove"

CEman logic at its finest lmao

Can you explain why it's wrong? That scenario^, while not 100%, is highly likely and brings up a huge red flag no matter which party brought it up.

It's not "highly likely" nor does it bring up a red flag lmao wtf

Okay, explain why it's not.

"LMAO WTF"
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FrisbeeDude posted...

"Bringing up the idea of sleeping with other people means she's already doing/will do it even if you disapprove"

CEman logic at its finest lmao

I gave my reasons why I'd think my bf was.
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Yup.

10 times out of 10 she already has the dude in mind. 50% she already fucked him.

Relationship would be RIP at that very moment.

Yes, and she'd dump me if I suggested it, too.
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FrisbeeDude posted...

It's not "highly likely" nor does it bring up a red flag lmao wtf

I don't know. Maybe it's a bit of my own projection, maybe its intuition. I'm not the most worldly man on earth, but I've got plenty of exposure under my belt. If I were to bring up something like that in a previously exclusive relationship, it means I've been talking to someone and am looking for permission for the sole purpose of "cheating" with a clear conscience. Exploitation of a loophole if you will.

That's not to say that some people aren't like that, but I don't feel too off kilter in saying most people would have the same basic approach to this. It's a little hard for me to comprehend how someone would want to explore new things with other people while still asserting that they are looking to ultimately spend their life with this specific person. A relationship, to me at least, is about sharing experiences with your partner. An open relationship is a little paradoxical in that regard, unless you consider something like sex as supplemental I guess.
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LinksLiege posted...

Question for the people here:

How many of you are voting "leave" because an open relationship is something you should establish from the start, and how many of you are voting "leave" because you can't wrap your head around the idea that monogamy isn't the default setting for all 7 billion people on the planet?

Neither.

I would most likely leave simply because it means the two of us likely aren't as compatible as we might have thought. A relationship can change as long as both parties are okay with it, so I don't think it needs to be decided from the very beginning. I also don't think it's wrong for someone to want an open relationship, so I can definitely wrap my head around it.

But I'm a very monogamous person, so it simply wouldn't work for me. And if she needs a more polygamous relationship; well, that's something I wouldn't be able to provide. Likewise, that means she probably wouldn't be able to provide me the monogamous relationship that I need. That being the case, breaking up is the best option for both parties.
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Huh, didn't think this would be made into its own topic.
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How exactly would discussing this subject with her fix the situation? If she mentioned it, then she most likely has already done it, is thinking of doing it, or will do it.

Also, cheaters tend to generally be people that are average or good looking.

XxKrebsxX posted...

Yup.

10 times out of 10 she already has the dude in mind. 50% she already fucked him.

Relationship would be RIP at that very moment.

Then her friends would ask you why you didn't let her talk or discuss about it "LIKE A REAL MAN!"

R0N1N187 posted...

XxKrebsxX posted...

Yup.

10 times out of 10 she already has the dude in mind. 50% she already fucked him.

Relationship would be RIP at that very moment.

Then her friends would ask you why you didn't let her talk or discuss about it "LIKE A REAL MAN!"

Fuck what her friends think. Let her go cuck some sucker.

If the deal is mutual, I'd be open to exploring it. Sexual gratification is a very fluid and dynamic thing, in addition to being but a part of a relationship. It's foolish to think that everyone you end up with can have all of their needs satisfied with just one person. Possible, sure but not very likely. Lots of people are more than likely sexually starved and just accepting rather than genuinely happy. If everything else is compatible, then I have no issues. However, if I feel it's just step one on the way to leaving the relationship or some way to make me a cuckolded fool or sugar daddy or other dupe, I would immediately end things.
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jeffhardyb0yz posted...

Kanaya413 posted...

Discuss it but probably break up in the end

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Christ, it's a five year long relationship and more than half of CE is a virgin. The kneejerking here is hilarious.

Just bringing up the subject is not grounds for immediate breakup. If she goes behind your back, because after the discussion you're still adamant for monogamy, then you do something about it.

Personally, I'd be a bit pensive because it's only brought up after we've been together for 5ish years. That's quite the paradigm shift.

I'm in an open relationship right now but it was established within a week of us going steady. There's a lot of communication on the matter and there's only bitterness/jealousy when one party is getting some side action and the other isn't. Otherwise shit's cash, and the vast majority of sexy time is still just the two of us. I suspect a lot of the "leave" voters are just worried that they can't (not won't. can't.) snag another girl while their girlfriend is capable of lining up some guys or are otherwise worried about getting upstaged.

StickFigures720 posted...

There's a question that would destroy the idea of it.

"What's the matter? Am I just not good enough to satisfy you?"

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.
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Dammit


@philsov either don't lump me in with everyone or actually respond to my answer because I gave a serious answer
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philsov posted...

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.

Sounds like a personal problem on her part.
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

philsov posted...

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.

Sounds like a personal problem on her part.

I dunno why CE is weird about sex and relationships. It's either extreme ... let her fuck all the guys she wants and you are a terrible person for not wanting to be with her vs that fucking whore!

It makes any conversation almost impossible.
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thanosibe posted...

OpheliaAdenade posted...

philsov posted...

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.

Sounds like a personal problem on her part.

I dunno why CE is weird about sex and relationships. It's either extreme ... let her fuck all the guys she wants and you are a terrible person for not wanting to be with her vs that fucking whore!

It makes any conversation almost impossible.

Well, I just call them as I see them. :u She sounds like a whore.
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

thanosibe posted...

OpheliaAdenade posted...

philsov posted...

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.

Sounds like a personal problem on her part.

I dunno why CE is weird about sex and relationships. It's either extreme ... let her fuck all the guys she wants and you are a terrible person for not wanting to be with her vs that fucking whore!

It makes any conversation almost impossible.

Well, I just call them as I see them. :u She sounds like a whore.

I didn't mean you as much as philsov and others trying to white knight (though I hate using that term) the gal what wants to fuck multiple men because her boyfriend wanted out. And the thread that inspired this one, started with everyone calling the gal a whore.

I mean I think this is the case too, but I don't whore myself out either. So sex for the sake of sex is not a thing I need.
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I would legitimately think she was an imposter. This is literally more improbable to my mind than picking all the numbers from 1 to 100 out of a hat in order.

But supposing this were an alternate reality where I married someone else completely, yes, I think I probably would.
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We'd talk about it. No guaranteed yes, no guaranteed no. Depends on who. But if that no isn't accepted, it's the beginning of the end.

Perhaps a compromise of bringing home a playmate.
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OpheliaAdenade posted...

philsov posted...

Because sometimes they want to do some sexually explicit things that requires more than 3 people present. Literally no individual man is capable of satisfying her.

Sounds like a personal problem on her part.

I don't mean it as in every time for sex, but romps like the above that occur once in a blue moon are fun but absolutely impossible to reconcile with traditional monogamy.

More cynically -- sex toys exist that put me and mini-philsov to shame. Should one be upset that their partner uses a vibrator?

~

@LittleRoyal, I'm guessing you wanted a response to this?

LittleRoyal posted...

Not into girls but if a guy asked me [...], he knows how I feel and my insecurities it's basically "can I have sex with pretty and cute girls maybe cuter than you maybe not, while you chill at home?" Because he's got nothing to lose and it's completely one sided.

So yeah I'd assume even if I say no he doesn't care much about me. So he'd cheat anyway.

So sadly I'd probably have to break up or live as that crazy gf that doesn't trust anything he does or anyone he talks to.

If he already knows how you feel and you've established that you're a bucketful of insecurity, then bringing up an open relationship is indeed bad form as y'all've already more or less talked about it.

I think it's silly to have both never talked about it and then auto-reject your partner for even bringing it up. You want to be someone your partner can talk to about stuff. Freaking out over a hypothetical will just make them clam up in the future.
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Well I didn't need a response just not to be lumped in with everyone since I actually gave reason and discussed it.


And if I'm with someone for 5 years yeah he probably knows why I'm not like doing stuff. Well after 5 years I'd probably have to because irl guys leave after a few weeks if you're not don't stuff
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I dont know what to say aside from those who chose "no" or "not sure" are getting cucked.

No. Wife and I been together 14 years married for 9 at the time when we opened. But then again our reasons weren't just for the lulz. She has debilitating rheumatoid arthritis so our sex life was seriously affected. It was her idea so here we are. I have a couple eff buddies and she's tremendously turned on by it.
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No, because my girlfriend/wife wouldn't be my property. We'd discuss it like adults.

It's not my kind of thing though, but I'd be willing to try it out for her.

I think it's excessive to auto-dump someone just because they asked the question. It's an opportunity to negotiate and ask other questions on the subject. If they're asking for an open sexual relationship, that usually means they're not really satisfied with just you anymore. You might want to ask why. Explore that, because it's kind of significant...you might be able to fix problems before they get worse.

And a partner merely suggesting the possibility of an open relationship does not necessarily mean they're all set to cheat on you. Sometimes they just want to know (or get a reminder) of whether or not you're okay with that kind of option. Communication in a relationship is good for it's longevity. Sometimes not talking enough is why they're bored having sex with just you. Either way, be prepared for them to ask multiple times. Try not to get upset about it.


That being said, if you're someone who's been in a long relationship spanning over a few years and switching to an open relationship has never been brought before...proceed with caution if you actually care about keeping your partner. Remember: open relationships are not the majority, not even close. Most couples default to a monogamous or pseudo-monogamous arrangement veering AWAY from open arrangements. Ask most men and women who want a committed relationship; many of them will tell you they would prefer a partner who's only interested in sex with them individually. They will tell you they would not be okay with a partner who has sex with other people. That's just how it is.

So feel free to ask your partner if they want to try an open relationship; you might get lucky and they're into it. Just remember them saying no can be a likely possibility. And it's a valid one. It's not oppressing you when they refuse; you retain the right to find another partner who's into that. If you want to keep the current partner instead, either get better at pitching an open relationship as great for BOTH of you or learn to love a partner who's not interested in that option.

If you hold them to an obligation of maturity, you need to do the same and respect whatever answer they give. Otherwise, you don't really care about them as much as you imply.
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Pastryarchy posted...

I think it's excessive to auto-dump someone just because they asked the question. It's an opportunity to negotiate and ask other questions on the subject. If they're asking for an open sexual relationship, that usually means they're not really satisfied with just you anymore. You might want to ask why. Explore that, because it's kind of significant...you might be able to fix problems before they get worse.

And a partner merely suggesting the possibility of an open relationship does not necessarily mean they're all set to cheat on you. Sometimes they just want to know (or get a reminder) of whether or not you're okay with that kind of option. Communication in a relationship is good for it's longevity. Sometimes not talking enough is why they're bored having sex with just you. Either way, be prepared for them to ask multiple times. Try not to get upset about it.


That being said, if you're someone who's been in a long relationship spanning over a few years and switching to an open relationship has never been brought before...proceed with caution if you actually care about keeping your partner. Remember: open relationships are not the majority, not even close. Most couples default to a monogamous or pseudo-monogamous arrangement veering AWAY from open arrangements. Ask most men and women who want a committed relationship; many of them will tell you they would prefer a partner who's only interested in sex with them individually. They will tell you they would not be okay with a partner who has sex with other people. That's just how it is.

So feel free to ask your partner if they want to try an open relationship; you might get lucky and they're into it. Just remember them saying no can be a likely possibility. And it's a valid one. It's not oppressing you when they refuse; you retain the right to find another partner who's into that. If you want to keep the current partner instead, either get better at pitching an open relationship as great for BOTH of you or learn to love a partner who's not interested in that option.

If you hold them to an obligation of maturity, you need to do the same and respect whatever answer they give. Otherwise, you don't really care about them as much as you imply.

Mmh i don't care about my boyfriend if I break up with him for him knowingly putting me in situations that make me feel inadequate and very uncomfortable, knowing about my insecurities and troubles in those departments?

Nah.
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I really wouldn't know how to handle it since I'm more along the lines of monogamous, but I would be leaning towards yes.


I personally would become paranoid and ask her a few questions when she brings up the subject, but other than that, I would try my best to keep a level head about it.
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MegaButterfree posted...

LinksLiege posted...

Question for the people here:

How many of you are voting "leave" because an open relationship is something you should establish from the start, and how many of you are voting "leave" because you can't wrap your head around the idea that monogamy isn't the default setting for all 7 billion people on the planet?

I don't have anything against an open relationship for people who are okay with it, but it's not something I'd ever want personally.

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