Current Events > I saw Ed Sheeran at Walmart today.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Nintendo Switch's in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the consoles and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
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no
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who
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Favorite copy pasta.
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wtf he sounds like a douche
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Kid_Buu posted...

who

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A new one.

I knew exactly what this was gonna be but I still came in and read the whole thing
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That was just a random ginger.

CoolBeansAvi posted...

I knew exactly what this was gonna be but I still came in and read the whole thing

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RebelElite791 posted...

CoolBeansAvi posted...

I knew exactly what this was gonna be but I still came in and read the whole thing

randy_123r posted...

ManLink4321 posted...

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face

This always gets me. I can just visualize it.

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Hey CE, I have a very serious problem. I'm fucking crying because of how stupid I am.

Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just listen to some music while I wait".

So I'm listening to this long playlist of mine, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my playlist and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, Ed Sheeran comes on.

Ed Sheeran. Holy shit. (For those of you who don't know/care, I only have one Ed Sheeran song on this massive playlist-that's less than a 1/1000 chance of playing when it's put on shuffle). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy shit, YES", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell "You don't even fucking care! YOU JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR FUCKING REDHEAD FREAK" I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on mouthing the lyrics to "Shape of You", when she walks over, unplugs the aux cord and tosses my phone against the wall. I run over and pick up my phone hoping that the song paused when she unplugged the aux, and quickly noticed that it skipped to the next song. My Ed Sheeran moment, gone forever.

I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn't know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out "FUCK YOU", and runs out of my house in tears.

What have I done? I've fucked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don't want Ed Sheeran to be responsible for ruining my best relationship ever. Help me CE.
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