Current Events > On the verge of breaking up with my girl/mother of my child

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salandrews
07/05/17 3:57:17 PM
#1:


As a mother she's perfect. No complaints.

But we can both feel the love between us has changed to something less. Our interests do not match and romantically I'm not seeing her the same.

8 years together and our kid is 4. Its kind of sad- most people would think a relationship would end due to heated arguments and tension. I feel this one is ending like a dying flame.

And we live together of course so I have to make sure they'll be okay after. I make no illusions: I'll end up a weekend dad.

Anyways I thought I'd share to get some insight. I've lurked CE for years and know there's an adult side to it. Maybe someone has gone through something similar.
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Mernardi
07/05/17 3:58:55 PM
#2:


I mean, have you guys tried spicing things up? If you don't try, you never know. But, it seems like you're just giving up because you think it's inevitable.
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EpicMickeyDrew
07/05/17 4:01:14 PM
#3:


Mernardi posted...
I mean, have you guys tried spicing things up? If you don't try, you never know. But, it seems like you're just giving up because you think it's inevitable.

Yeah come on TC, did you understand the Pina Colada song at all?
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mario2000
07/05/17 4:01:55 PM
#4:


so glad im still a virgin
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Solar_Crimson
07/05/17 4:01:58 PM
#5:


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modena
07/05/17 4:02:07 PM
#6:


The song Escape comes to mind (if you like pina coladas)...worth a shot to find something similair/new like they did in the song.
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Veggeta X
07/05/17 4:03:02 PM
#7:


Dude you're gonna regret this decision so bad.
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Muffinz0rz
07/05/17 4:04:16 PM
#8:


Learn from your mistake and use a condom next time.
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Lord_Ogrim
07/05/17 4:07:47 PM
#9:


Have either of you made any attempt to spice things up, or to take interests in each others interest? Have you tried anything to rekindle that flame? I mean, if you aint feeling it then you aint feeling it, but you owe it to your kid at least to try.

Maybe you feel like different people at the moment than when you did when you got together. Maybe try and pretend like you aren't together. Flirt with her like she's that cute girl you saw on the Subway. Ask her out. Find out what she likes. Go see a movie and take her out to eat. Go to a theme park, ride a roller coast. Go skinny dipping in the creek. Do anything.

And if all else fails, you could try swinging.
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Eevee-Trainer
07/05/17 4:15:54 PM
#10:


What slothica said
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EpicMickeyDrew
07/05/17 4:16:59 PM
#11:


modena posted...
The song Escape comes to mind (if you like pina coladas)...worth a shot to find something similair/new like they did in the song.

@modena See post #3
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Mr Sandbag
07/05/17 4:20:08 PM
#12:


Why the fuck isn't she your wife? Child is already 4? Out of wedlock? That is child abuse. No wonder you lurk. You need to be publicly shamed. Don't you care about what's best for your child? Obviously not.
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:26:59 PM
#13:


Mr Sandbag posted...
Why the fuck isn't she your wife? Child is already 4? Out of wedlock? That is child abuse. No wonder you lurk. You need to be publicly shamed. Don't you care about what's best for your child? Obviously not.

Wow, nice shitposting.
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Romulox28
07/05/17 4:28:05 PM
#14:


Mr Sandbag posted...
Why the fuck isn't she your wife? Child is already 4? Out of wedlock? That is child abuse. No wonder you lurk. You need to be publicly shamed. Don't you care about what's best for your child? Obviously not.

An alarming trend I've noticed among a very large amount of men in 2017 is that they possess almost none of the characteristics that have made men who they are for thousands of years. In fact, these creatures can only be considered "men" in the sense that they have aged the correct number of years to be considered adult males.

These men (most of who are liberals) tend to have an enormous sense of entitlement, shirk responsibility, fear commitment, and only opt to do things when it is directly rewarding to them. In a sense, they are not real men but rather adult children, with a narrow mindset and no capacity to look at the "big picture."

No area is this more evident in than when you will see many of these "men" (liberals) talk about how they refuse to date a woman simply because she is a single mom, and they don't want to "raise another man's kid."

This is disgusting. Not only are these men choosing loneliness and isolation over a healthy adult relationship because of a human life, but they are also depriving themselves of one of the greatest joys of life (fatherhood) simply because they did not contribute DNA to this child.

For the last 2 years, I have been dating a single mom, and it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden are like my own children to me, and even though I do not share a DNA bond with them and they call me by my first name, I feel a powerful and immutable connection. It takes a big man to want to become a dad to these kids, to help a single mom in her noble quest, and to deal with the fathers of Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden, and I believe I am that man.

It is very disheartening to see so many young men fall into the trap of entitlement and selfishness - to avoid family life based on some silly preconceived notions, to feel they are entitled to have a family on THEIR terms, and to only have children when it provides some sense of satisfaction to them. To me, it personally fulfilling to watch Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden every other weekend (hearing them say "oh, hey Pete" when I come over is one of the most satisfying things in a "father's" life), and I don't need the satisfaction that I somehow contributed to the conception of these children.

What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?
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Lord_Ogrim
07/05/17 4:30:18 PM
#15:


Romulox28 posted...
What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Is this copypasta or did you really write a whole fucking essay try to explain to CE of all fucking places why they should feel like shit?
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Romulox28
07/05/17 4:31:29 PM
#16:


Lord_Ogrim posted...
Romulox28 posted...
What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Is this copypasta or did you really write a whole fucking essay try to explain to CE of all fucking places why they should feel like shit?

I wrote it
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:32:46 PM
#17:


Romulox28 posted...
Mr Sandbag posted...
Why the fuck isn't she your wife? Child is already 4? Out of wedlock? That is child abuse. No wonder you lurk. You need to be publicly shamed. Don't you care about what's best for your child? Obviously not.

An alarming trend I've noticed among a very large amount of men in 2017 is that they possess almost none of the characteristics that have made men who they are for thousands of years. In fact, these creatures can only be considered "men" in the sense that they have aged the correct number of years to be considered adult males.

These men (most of who are liberals) tend to have an enormous sense of entitlement, shirk responsibility, fear commitment, and only opt to do things when it is directly rewarding to them. In a sense, they are not real men but rather adult children, with a narrow mindset and no capacity to look at the "big picture."

No area is this more evident in than when you will see many of these "men" (liberals) talk about how they refuse to date a woman simply because she is a single mom, and they don't want to "raise another man's kid."

This is disgusting. Not only are these men choosing loneliness and isolation over a healthy adult relationship because of a human life, but they are also depriving themselves of one of the greatest joys of life (fatherhood) simply because they did not contribute DNA to this child.

For the last 2 years, I have been dating a single mom, and it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden are like my own children to me, and even though I do not share a DNA bond with them and they call me by my first name, I feel a powerful and immutable connection. It takes a big man to want to become a dad to these kids, to help a single mom in her noble quest, and to deal with the fathers of Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden, and I believe I am that man.

It is very disheartening to see so many young men fall into the trap of entitlement and selfishness - to avoid family life based on some silly preconceived notions, to feel they are entitled to have a family on THEIR terms, and to only have children when it provides some sense of satisfaction to them. To me, it personally fulfilling to watch Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden every other weekend (hearing them say "oh, hey Pete" when I come over is one of the most satisfying things in a "father's" life), and I don't need the satisfaction that I somehow contributed to the conception of these children.

What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Couldn't agree more tbh.
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BlazinBlue88
07/05/17 4:35:05 PM
#18:


Lord_Ogrim posted...
Have either of you made any attempt to spice things up, or to take interests in each others interest? Have you tried anything to rekindle that flame? I mean, if you aint feeling it then you aint feeling it, but you owe it to your kid at least to try.

Maybe you feel like different people at the moment than when you did when you got together. Maybe try and pretend like you aren't together. Flirt with her like she's that cute girl you saw on the Subway. Ask her out. Find out what she likes. Go see a movie and take her out to eat. Go to a theme park, ride a roller coast. Go skinny dipping in the creek. Do anything.

And if all else fails, you could try swinging.

I'll second this. All relationships can get complacent after a while. That's why you have to always try at it. Basically try and act the same way to her that you did when you first started dating. I'm constantly reminding myself in my marriage to do little things that show I'm affection. If I don't, my mind will be on complete cruise control for weeks at a time.

When is the last time you two had any time alone? Let someone look after your kid and you take her out on a romantic date? Or how about getting a new hobby together?
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Teddytalks
07/05/17 4:36:09 PM
#19:


What kind of Moron would raise another's man child? A cuck! That's who. So fucking dumb.
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salandrews
07/05/17 4:37:27 PM
#20:


Lord_Ogrim posted...
Romulox28 posted...
What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Is this copypasta or did you really write a whole f***ing essay try to explain to CE of all f***ing places why they should feel like s***?


I was half way reading that and then realized how long it went on.

Anyway, yeah we have spoken about this before, and nearly broken up, but I'm always the one to convince her that the love is still there. Perhaps I should not have. We are too different and she wants me to put her at the center of my world (which I get- what woman wouldnt want that?).

Problem is I dont want to.

Also I'm not really religious. Marriage to me is nothing but a legal binding to a person with legal consequences if we divorce.

She wants marriage badly. Its important to her because thats how she was raised. When I challenge that she gets incredibly defensive.
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:38:44 PM
#21:


Sounds like you're just being selfish tbh.
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ArcticLich
07/05/17 4:39:25 PM
#22:


Lord_Ogrim posted...
Romulox28 posted...
What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Is this copypasta or did you really write a whole fucking essay try to explain to CE of all fucking places why they should feel like shit?

He didn't write it lmao it's a copypasta...there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a woman because she has children lmao it shows poor decision making skills and an inability to weigh options before acting
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:40:10 PM
#23:


ArcticLich posted...
Lord_Ogrim posted...
Romulox28 posted...
What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Is this copypasta or did you really write a whole fucking essay try to explain to CE of all fucking places why they should feel like shit?

He didn't write it lmao it's a copypasta...there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a woman because she has children lmao it shows poor decision making skills and an inability to weigh options before acting

He did write the copypasta though.
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iron jojo
07/05/17 4:40:23 PM
#24:


Romulox28 posted...
Mr Sandbag posted...
Why the fuck isn't she your wife? Child is already 4? Out of wedlock? That is child abuse. No wonder you lurk. You need to be publicly shamed. Don't you care about what's best for your child? Obviously not.

An alarming trend I've noticed among a very large amount of men in 2017 is that they possess almost none of the characteristics that have made men who they are for thousands of years. In fact, these creatures can only be considered "men" in the sense that they have aged the correct number of years to be considered adult males.

These men (most of who are liberals) tend to have an enormous sense of entitlement, shirk responsibility, fear commitment, and only opt to do things when it is directly rewarding to them. In a sense, they are not real men but rather adult children, with a narrow mindset and no capacity to look at the "big picture."

No area is this more evident in than when you will see many of these "men" (liberals) talk about how they refuse to date a woman simply because she is a single mom, and they don't want to "raise another man's kid."

This is disgusting. Not only are these men choosing loneliness and isolation over a healthy adult relationship because of a human life, but they are also depriving themselves of one of the greatest joys of life (fatherhood) simply because they did not contribute DNA to this child.

For the last 2 years, I have been dating a single mom, and it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden are like my own children to me, and even though I do not share a DNA bond with them and they call me by my first name, I feel a powerful and immutable connection. It takes a big man to want to become a dad to these kids, to help a single mom in her noble quest, and to deal with the fathers of Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden, and I believe I am that man.

It is very disheartening to see so many young men fall into the trap of entitlement and selfishness - to avoid family life based on some silly preconceived notions, to feel they are entitled to have a family on THEIR terms, and to only have children when it provides some sense of satisfaction to them. To me, it personally fulfilling to watch Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden every other weekend (hearing them say "oh, hey Pete" when I come over is one of the most satisfying things in a "father's" life), and I don't need the satisfaction that I somehow contributed to the conception of these children.

What do you think, CE? Are you man enough to raise another man's child, or are you an emotional child yourself?

Beautiful
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Romulox28
07/05/17 4:40:50 PM
#25:


salandrews posted...
We are too different and she wants me to put her at the center of my world (which I get- what woman wouldnt want that?).

Problem is I dont want to.

boo hoo

have fun becoming Weekend Dad, with the power to see your kid on alternating weekends and every other holiday because you and your girl don't have the same hobbies
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:43:39 PM
#26:


Romulox28 posted...
salandrews posted...
We are too different and she wants me to put her at the center of my world (which I get- what woman wouldnt want that?).

Problem is I dont want to.

boo hoo

have fun becoming Weekend Dad, with the power to see your kid on alternating weekends and every other holiday because you and your girl don't have the same hobbies

Women don't have hobbies though
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Romulox28
07/05/17 4:44:57 PM
#27:


Mernardi posted...
Romulox28 posted...
salandrews posted...
We are too different and she wants me to put her at the center of my world (which I get- what woman wouldnt want that?).

Problem is I dont want to.

boo hoo

have fun becoming Weekend Dad, with the power to see your kid on alternating weekends and every other holiday because you and your girl don't have the same hobbies

Women don't have hobbies though

unless you count going to bed at 8pm a hobby of course
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:45:20 PM
#28:


Romulox28 posted...
Mernardi posted...
Romulox28 posted...
salandrews posted...
We are too different and she wants me to put her at the center of my world (which I get- what woman wouldnt want that?).

Problem is I dont want to.

boo hoo

have fun becoming Weekend Dad, with the power to see your kid on alternating weekends and every other holiday because you and your girl don't have the same hobbies

Women don't have hobbies though

unless you count going to bed at 8pm a hobby of course

But of course.
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Veggeta X
07/05/17 4:51:03 PM
#29:


It totally sucks being as fickle as TC. I don't wish this on any of you guys. When you make big decisions such as marriage and having a kid you better work your ass off unselfishly for the rest of your life to take care of your family.
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#30
Post #30 was unavailable or deleted.
Returning_CEmen
07/05/17 4:53:21 PM
#31:


Why wouldn't you want your girlfriend and child to be the center of your universe?
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Blighboy
07/05/17 4:54:48 PM
#32:


Romulox28 posted...
Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden

You almost got me lmao
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Mernardi
07/05/17 4:54:52 PM
#33:


Returning_CEmen posted...
Why wouldn't you want your girlfriend and child to be the center of your universe?

Because he's a true CEman lmao
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salandrews
07/05/17 5:05:17 PM
#34:


Returning_CEmen posted...
Why wouldn't you want your girlfriend and child to be the center of your universe?


In an ideal relationship this would be spot on. She and I don't match up and I've been forcing it on myself to stay together.

Of course I'll talk to her about it, most of you know relationships tend to end simply due to lack of communication.

And just to clarify I have no qualms with being a dad or intend to shirk from fatherly duties should we actually break up.
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modena
07/05/17 5:18:02 PM
#35:


EpicMickeyDrew posted...
modena posted...
The song Escape comes to mind (if you like pina coladas)...worth a shot to find something similair/new like they did in the song.

@modena See post #3



When I started my post I would of been #2 but I'm at work and had to leave my desk.Very cool we both thought that IMO.
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TheVipaGTS
07/05/17 5:20:42 PM
#36:


Why is everyone attacking TC? If the spark isn't there anymore it isn't there. Forcing it to be for the sake of the kid could be just as harmful. Disinterest can turn to frustration and resent and then things will just get worse. Maybe try working it out and talking to her about it first to make sure your feelings are what you think they are.
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#37
Post #37 was unavailable or deleted.
Mernardi
07/05/17 5:26:49 PM
#38:


TheVipaGTS posted...
Why is everyone attacking TC? If the spark isn't there anymore it isn't there. Forcing it to be for the sake of the kid could be just as harmful. Disinterest can turn to frustration and resent and then things will just get worse. Maybe try working it out and talking to her about it first to make sure your feelings are what you think they are.

Because it seems it's drifting apart because he's being selfish instead of trying to mend the relationship.
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WizardPowers
07/05/17 5:31:20 PM
#39:


Mernardi posted...
Because it seems it's drifting apart because he's being selfish instead of trying to mend the relationship.



salandrews posted...
Anyway, yeah we have spoken about this before, and nearly broken up, but I'm always the one to convince her that the love is still there.


Seems like it's the girl that's not trying to mend the relationship.
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Sativa_Rose
07/05/17 5:45:49 PM
#40:


I don't think you should do it because of the children. Growing up with two single parents is a lot worse than growing up in an actual nuclear family. Do you really want to condemn your kids to that? Studies have shown that growing up in a 2 parent household is one of the most important factors (maybe even the most important) to social mobility. When you have two single parents instead of a nuclear family, there's a lot less time for parenting and it's a lot more of being on your own without having anyone there to give you the guidance or support you need. It means the parents have to each do more work, more chores, more cooking, more driving the kids back and forth, etc. How are the kids going to spend their holidays? Not just as children but when they reach adulthood too.
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TheVipaGTS
07/05/17 5:56:37 PM
#41:


But is it really that much better when there is no love in that 2 parent house hold? If they're falling apart then forcing a relationship could cause more problems. You really think they'll just happily live together in a loveless relationship and all will be perfect?
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Veggeta X
07/05/17 5:58:55 PM
#42:


TheVipaGTS posted...
Why is everyone attacking TC? If the spark isn't there anymore it isn't there. Forcing it to be for the sake of the kid could be just as harmful. Disinterest can turn to frustration and resent and then things will just get worse. Maybe try working it out and talking to her about it first to make sure your feelings are what you think they are.

Hey man I divorce my wives whenever it's convenient for me too.
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Sativa_Rose
07/05/17 6:01:02 PM
#43:


TheVipaGTS posted...
But is it really that much better when there is no love in that 2 parent house hold? If they're falling apart then forcing a relationship could cause more problems. You really think they'll just happily live together in a loveless relationship and all will be perfect?


The way he described it, it does not sound like they are living in a situation that would be better for the kids if they were separated. He even said she was a perfect mother. She'll have a lot less time to be that perfect mother if she is forced into single parenthood.
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Mernardi
07/05/17 6:01:43 PM
#44:


TheVipaGTS posted...
But is it really that much better when there is no love in that 2 parent house hold? If they're falling apart then forcing a relationship could cause more problems. You really think they'll just happily live together in a loveless relationship and all will be perfect?

I'm saying that if neither one is trying then of fucking course they're going to fall out of love. But instead of trying to rekindle the romance, TC just wants to let it happen instead of trying to listen to what she wants. I'm sure she would follow suit and listen to what he wants if he took the first step.

But...a CEman's gonna CEman.
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On_The_Edge
07/05/17 6:02:40 PM
#45:


You have a fucking kid. You don't have the right to break up with her because your love is fading. Read CS Lewis on marriage for fuck's sake. It's not all about you once you have a kid.
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_Squirtle_
07/05/17 6:06:10 PM
#46:


On_The_Edge posted...
You have a fucking kid. You don't have the right to break up with her because your love is fading. Read CS Lewis on marriage for fuck's sake. It's not all about you once you have a kid.


yeah children ruin everything. You fucked up TC. Should have gotten snipped
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_Kowalski_
07/05/17 6:10:54 PM
#47:


Hey TC. I hear ya. I made that decision shortly a little after my wife and I had our daughter. Four tumultuous years together, she had done so much in attempts to ruin me and my career. I told her that I wasn't IN LOVE with her anymore but I wanted to be again. We tried everything but she wasn't good for me and our flame had died. She was still so much in love with me so it was far from ideallic.

When I said I wanted the divorce I had already listed the hundreds of pros and cons in my head over and over and I knew and accepted everything that came with the territory. I'm not even a weekend dad because how far apart we live.

I was raised by two parents who fought and argued and wanted to leave each other every day. My childhood was coming home to boxes after school because my folks had had another fight and we were being kicked out or my mom was taking us all away. At most we would spend a night at a hotel and be back at home the next day. I couldn't imagine putting my daughter through that. And honestly I couldn't give up the career dreams.

As long as you two can be kind to one another still for the sake of the child I think a split is entirely reasonable.
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ArtVandelay
07/05/17 6:12:21 PM
#48:


Romulox28 posted...
Aiden, Braiden, and Caiden

lol THIS STORY IS DEFINITELY REAL ( b'.')b
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Veggeta X
07/05/17 6:17:56 PM
#49:


If you don't understand that forever means forever then don't fucking get married. Don't have a baby. it's really that simple.
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Harpie_
07/05/17 6:22:42 PM
#50:


The fact that you're "okay" with shirking your fatherly duties and leaving the child with her to deal with alone shows you have no empathy. You don't care about her or even your kid, because you don't even want custody after the fact. You've already given up. Says a lot about you imo
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