Current Events > How do I become a henchman?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'd like to become a pretty rough and tumble person. I want to do shady business deals, as well as giving people the business, perhaps lift merchandise, jewels, maybe pay for things with cigarettes, etc. The problem is, I don't want to be in charge.

So I'm kind of hoping I can find some sort of kingpin or mob boss or up and coming evil doer, and just kind of latch on and enjoy the ride. Does anyone have any suggestions?

So far I have a knife, and I've cut all the finger tips off of the gloves I wear. Any suggestions would be great.
---

Trump
---

Okay. Since I originally posted I've been standing next to a dumpster in between a grocery store and a liquor store. I've just been waiting.
---

I got arrested for loitering.
---

http://policeacademylocations.com/
---

join me and i will take over the world
---

@Rika_Furude posted...

join me and i will take over the world

What is your evil plan?
---

Where do you live and what can you do.
---

itachi15243 posted...

Where do you live and what can you do.

I live in Indiana. I can toss a knife back and forth between both hands pretty well. I can also run around corners really fast. One time I even broke a window.
---

the wheels are already in motion, telling you my plan is pointless
---

Leight_Weight posted...

itachi15243 posted...

Where do you live and what can you do.

I live in Indiana. I can toss a knife back and forth between both hands pretty well. I can also run around corners really fast. One time I even broke a window.

Can you print labels and and boxes in the mail
---

itachi15243 posted...

Leight_Weight posted...

itachi15243 posted...

Where do you live and what can you do.

I live in Indiana. I can toss a knife back and forth between both hands pretty well. I can also run around corners really fast. One time I even broke a window.

Can you print labels and put boxes in the mail

---

Definitely.
---

Be my henchmen because I so evil that when kid so me they cry.
---

I suggest you pick up a foreign language, Italian is preferable.
---

I was going to offer you a spot, but you purposefully removed the tips of your gloves, so that anything you touch would leave a fingerprint.
---

I always wanted to be a hired goon as well.
---

Leight_Weight posted...

I got arrested for loitering.

You're doing well, a rap sheet is a desirable quality in a henchmen.

You'd do best to find a mob family of the same race as you.
---

solidraidens posted...

http://policeacademylocations.com/

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/018/681/Ow_the_edge.jpg
---

You need to file some paperwork with the Guild of Calamitious Intent.

Or the Revenge Society if you into that.
---

SolKarellen posted...

You need to file some paperwork with the Guild of Calamitious Intent.

Or the Revenge Society if you into that.

GoCI won't return my phone calls and I can't find their headquarters.

I've been practicing firing wildly at targets and missing. That way if there's ever a hero during a heist or something I know I'm on point.
---

In the last five days I've acquired:

an old rusty gun
a fishwhacker
a ski mask
---

lol

Getting arrested for loitering lol

Flintgrandad posted...

Getting arrested for loitering lol

it happens, police happen to be corrupt sometimes. worst cases they arrest for loitering or given a warning if lucky.
---

~Update~

On Thursday night, I was smoking a cigarette and kicking a can down the middle of the street downtown. A blacked out limo pulled up next to me, and the rear window rolled down. A man was smoking a cigar inside and told me to get in. He was heavy set, older, and had a quiet sandpapery voice.

I was a little bit nervous but I got in anyway. We drove off. He told me he'd been monitoring me for a few days and thought I could be valuable. He ended up taking me back to a meat packing plant on the outskirts of town.

Come to find out, this guy is the leader of a gang called The Relentless. Starting Monday, I'll be going to the meat packing plant first thing in the morning for my instructions on what I'll be working on.

I think I finally caught my big break.
---

Good luck bro

trumps america
---

Well, this did not go as expected. Right when I got there, two men approached me and asked me if I was there to "grind sausage". I said yes, because I figured that was just code in case we were being surveiled.

After an hour and a half of using the sausage grinder, my arm got really tired and I asked for a bathroom break. They said no. I ground sausage all fucking day with no breaks. I don't even think I got paid.

I feel like if I don't go back tomorrow I might be in trouble, so I probably will anyway.
---

Steelers posted...

Good luck bro

This past week was definitely... interesting. On Tuesday they had me grinding sausage again the entire day. It was at that point I realized it was just a ruse to get me to do free labor.

On Wednesday though, I when I got there, a slender man walked up to me and said "Boss wants to see you. Come with me." I followed him upstairs where the man from the limo was sitting behind a desk. He told me that the sausage grinding was just a test to see how well I followed orders and how dedicated I was to The Relentless.

This group is building a turbo incabulator. My new job is to find electrical parts and lithium batteries and bring them back to the meat packing plant. This is crazy.

Tonight I'm planning on going out and finding some. I'm bringing my old rusty gun with me.
---

Tag. This is good stuff
---

I found 13 phone batteries at a battery and florescent light bulb recycling center down the street from my house. I'll be taking them into the plant tomorrow. I'm a little bit worried about my haul though. Frank gave me a blue plastic barrel and told me to fill it up with batteries. I'm not sure if he meant all in one day or not. I really don't want to get on his bad side. In his office back at the plant he has a painting of Benito Mussolini.
---

Th3Truth posted...

You've almost got it

I think I have. Will update tomorrow after my days work
---

It was a very long week. I cut a plastic barrel in half and had that completely filled with phone batteries by the end of the day yesterday. I brought it back to headquarters%u200B. They call Frank's number two "Thrash". I didn't even speak to Frank all week, I've basically been dealing with Thrash.

On Friday night when I came back with the full 1/2 barrel, Thrash told me I'd done a good job, and it was finally time for me to get paid. Bout time, it's been two weeks after all. He took me to the basement of the plant. It was unlit and smelled like shit. There was an enormous metal door at the end of a long dark hallway that he opened after unlocking about 4 padlocks. He handed me $7250 in $50 bills.

I'm fucking rich. This is so easy and it's exactly what I wanted. Hopefully it's just nothing but battery collection. What could possibly go wrong?
---

A friend of mine got involved in something like this a few years ago. He would never really give me any in-depth information, but his best friend was shot and killed when a high-end bootlegging deal went South. He vowed revenge and started wearing dark clothing, cut ties with his family and friends, and I didn't hear from him for a long time.

I saw him stocking fruit at the local grocery store the other day and I immediately approached him. "Harry? How have you been? Man, I haven't seen you in ages!" He looked very frightened and muttered quietly, "I don't know what you're talking about. Harry died a long time ago. They call me Chip-Chop, now." It was then I noticed that his left hand was gone, and he had a strange hook in its place. I had never seen a prosthetic limb that looked so threatening. I was certain he had used it for violence. He noticed me staring at it, and his face was drawn in an inane grin of a Cheshire cat. He told me if I wanted to hear the story of how he lost his hand to meet him at the pool hall, The Dew Drop Inn, downtown any Thursday night after 10pm. My dad always told me stories of people being mugged there, even mentioned seeing a man get stabbed for not paying up when he didn't have the money he bet on a game of billiards. I shook Harry's (Chip-Chop, I guess) hand, and agreed to meet him, but I'm still unsure if I'll go or not.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it might seem like a sweet gig at first, but be careful. I don't like the sound of this Thrash guy..

Be thankful that grinding sausage wasnt the sexy work
---

Touch posted...

Be thankful that grinding sausage wasnt the sexy work

The fuck is this supposed to mean? I know it's 2017 and there are no lines anymore, but I see a line, and on this side of it, I ain't gay
---

Who posted?

ahh dude i wanna join the mafia too

no fair bro, how did you get that lucky
---

How do I become a henchman?

Get swole, crazy good at swinging a piece of pipe, or both.
---

I hope they didn't make TC disappear because this topic is great
---

become a Beagle Boy
---