No, they're right. I'm doing a crappy job and still all I can think about is myself.
Problem is my best isn't good enough.
One example, a few days ago I was giving my five year old a bath, and the normal way we rinse is with a small Tupperware we reserve for this. I was trying to get the soap out of his hair, but it's getting so long and thick that it was taking a ton of reps. And every time I do it, he complains about the water getting in his eyes. So I decided to try to put his head under the faucet, but that backfired like a b and he actually got water up his nose. So he's screaming and crying--probably felt to a five year old like drowning.
Another example, a few days ago Mama made quesadillas for dinner--those being my five year old's favorite food--and I grabbed three of them to finish off the second of the four stacks, since they're cut into quarters. So we eat, and my five year old wants more because of course he does, so I get up and go to grab some. Mama says "make sure to get him one without barbecue sauce." That's a thing she does--she makes half of them with barbecue sauce. I had forgotten. Turns out, those were the last of the plain ones, and I had already eaten them all. So he's screaming and crying AGAIN because I ate his dinner, and it was even his favorite food.
And like a million other things just like that. Like, I managed to get through the day yesterday without doing something stupid, and I felt good about that, until I realized how amazingly bad of a standard "didn't screw up for three whole hours" is and than I felt even worse than I did before.
Bro, I was a middle school dropout, an alcoholic, and been dealing with severe depression with suicidal ideations since puberty when my sister ditched her 2 week old daughter on me. Believe me, you are doing fine as a parent.