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Topic | Clarence Thomas Announces 50% Discount On All Favorable Rulings |
HylianFox 02/26/24 4:08:29 PM #1: | https://www.theonion.com/clarence-thomas-announces-50-discount-on-all-favorable-1851282570
WASHINGTONTelling Americans that they must act now to avoid losing out on the chance of a lifetime, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas announced at a press conference Monday a 50% discount on all favorable rulings. Today and today only, Im offering half off on tilting any jurisprudence in your favorall principles must go! said the associate justice, who went on to list issues including abortion, voting rights, interstate commerce, social media regulations, and gun ownership by domestic abusers that could now be decided at a steep discount. Brown v. Board of Education? Gone. Gideon v. Wainwright? Finito. Miranda v. Arizona. Poof! Just mention the code SCOTUS before your oral arguments and well take it from there. Act soon, because this opportunity is running out! --- THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK Do not write in this space. ... Copied to Clipboard! |
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