LogFAQs > #973273071

Thanks for saving this, Lasa!

LinkMarioSamus posted...

I knew about it going in

This is probably why you found it lame tbqh
~~~
Since MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU, here we go! Haven't seen this one since high school.

Please note there will be spoilers for multiple Star Wars movies unmarked in this write-up. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Written and directed by: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Keira Knightley
Previous status: Saw ages ago

"I have a bad feeling about this..."

That I really do.

The original trilogy is the best because George Lucas was writer/producer as opposed to writer/director; him trying to tackle the technical aspects of storytelling is a mismatch; he excels at the visual aspect of filmmaking but doesn't use it to tell his story effectively. It only worked with the simple story of A New Hope, and that film's success hampered his ability to replicate it.

We are thrust into Qui-Gonn (Neeson) and Obi-Wan (McGregor) being dispatched to settle a disagreement that was induced by Palpatine (McDiarmid). Blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Stuff happens, Queen Amidala (Portman) wants to avoid war (as does her decoy [Knightley]), Jar-Jar shows up and will not shut the fuck up. Sure, I like his speech patterns in moderation because they're an intriguing species trait, but he has diarrhea of the mouth in the worst way. He was meant to be comic relief, but he only ends up being obnoxious because of how one-dimensional his shtick is. I don't think his voice is the problem so much as the dosage makes him become grating. Especially given the screaming and generally obnoxious behaviors. Him getting his tongue owned by not listening was great, at least, but that's about the only actual comic relief he provides.

Amidala is quite crafty, switching places with her handmaiden, and as you probably remember from Black Swan, nothing wrong with lookin' at Natalie Portman, even when she was 18 y/o. At Tatooine (a real place in Tunisia), Anakin Skywalker (Lloyd) calls her an "Angel" when in her presence. To foreshadow their future relationship, of course, though this is me being spoiled (though Anakin x Padme is obvious, Padme's identity was written as a surprise, with the first major hint being "Well I don't approve!" She can't keep her cover story going for too long at the age of 14 [that's the character, not Portman], but neither could the Internet of 1999 since Weird Al got every spoiler out there and made "The Saga Begins" accurate without seeing the movie). The other great first meeting is R2-D2 meeting a naked C-3PO. And then we have the Force manipulating Anakin's mother, Shmi, into letting the boy help.

The pod race goes on a little too long for my liking, that being 11 minutes. I'd have gotten less bored with this particular sequence if it had been a couple minutes shorter. This feels like having too many eggs in one stretch. Light saber duels only do so much. Darth Maul doesn't even get to show his fancy light saber in the short skirmish. And Big Bad Palpatine is making power plays to try to get himself elected Supreme Chancellor, and Amidala's decoy is having none of it.... until he changes his tactics to bring Naboo into this, a world he represents for no reason other than to further his own ends.

It's quite nice to see Yoda being Yoda and Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson being his right-hand man, Mace Windu. Though there's awkwardness amongst the Jedi Council, and that's probably paranoia caused by the return of the Sith Or the cloudy future of Anakin, which you were supposed to know going into the movie, but the film works even if you don't.

Padme breaking the shtick isn't done as well as it could've been. Simply walking forward to Boss Nass to make a treaty feels too low-stakes; this could've been accomplished better in a more tense, life-or-death moment. The reveal gets some shocked reactions, but doesn't feel like the bombshell it could've been orchestrated to be. The decoy was just as smart as Padme, of course, which is why she was chosen, but we don't get any insight into who this decoy really is. She's simply cast aside.

The plan to have the Gungans create a diversion to draw the majority of the droids out of town is brilliant. Leaving Anakin in the cockpit of an aircraft he's not used to is not. The kid can FLY, though! A feat just like Darth Maul fighting two Jedi at once. Sadly, Darth Maul is as blank a slate as slates get, and is thus an underwhelming henchman in a movie that didn't fully flesh out its Big Bad. The henchman should've been developed better in this case. The fight choreography is pretty redundant of many other Star Wars climaxes, but there doesn't feel like there's anything personal about this one. There's nothing remarkable, even though the set is your standard Star Wars fare. Anakin blowing up the Death Star is also repetitive, a mainstay of any Part 1 of a trilogy; although this time, it was inadvertent. This movie's entire finale feels less cool than A New Hope or The Force Awakens, both of which had what felt like real stakes too. Qui-Gon getting killed off is also too abrupt in a way that lacks the ruthlessness of better-done versions of the same twist. One of those... I will get to later. A lot of this has to do with how lame Darth Maul is. A cold quip and a better camera cut would've sealed the deal.

Qui-Gon's funeral also lacks the emotional punch it could've had because it's immediately followed by a joyous parade, and Qui-Gon himself also lacked the development he could've had. He was simply meant to serve the same role as Obi-Wan would in A New Hope and Han would in The Force Awakens. This could have been something way greater than it was. It didn't really do anything that the original trilogy didn't already do better. It exists for the sake of existing and is easily the worst of the three trilogy-starters (4 > 7 > 1). Really, the only things I enjoyed were the special effects, Liam Neeson and Natalie Portman's performances, and the smart writing of Padme and her decoy. Because I am waffling between two numbers, I have to give this a 2.5/5.

I'll try to watch the other two soon. And also throw a surprise in this weekend.