LogFAQs > #960801118

Punnyz posted...

I'm so sorry you had to experience something like that

Maybe I should not say anything, perhaps it is not my place

but the way he was going out didn't sound like peace at all, I would have tried to help too, don't blame yourself for that

Obviously no one willing to take their life is fully "well," whatever that means, but I mean that mentally he was alright. I know my brother. I have seen him going through severe depression before and saved him from almost committing suicide 10ish years ago (or so he credited my voicemail I left him). This wasn't like that at all. Mentally, Luke was in a good place. But he had given up the will to live, the will to keep trying to fight his physical pain. He drives up to see this doctor in Ohio every few months - an hour drive, 16 hours round trip - and we called that doctor today because he had just seen him the day before he did this. The doctor told us there was a new experimental treatment that had some success recently that he would be trying on him their next visit. I can't believe he knew that. I just wish he could have held out until then to try. But he fought for 14 fucking years, and he lost faith in ever finding something to cure his pain.

Leonhart4 posted...

Hate to hear this. I wish you and your family strength during all of this.

This is especially hard on my mom. Not only for losing one of her only two children, but she lost her husband 8 years ago and is a widow. That is the worst luck in life I can imagine.

Giggsalot posted...

jesus blur that's awful, i'm so sorry. i can't even comprehend what you must be going through

i hope in time you can find some solace in the music that you shared, and knowing he's at peace now

for now though just look after yourself, feel free to reach out if you need someone fairly anonymous to talk to

I spent the whole night listening and bawling my eyes out to the music we both loved. Actually, that's what I've spent almost all of today doing too when not being with my mom. For now, it's painful but cathartic to listen to. Hopefully in time it will just be smiles.

Thanks everyone. I probably won't be around here much for a while. But I will be okay. I hope my mom will too. This is indescribably hard on her.