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TopicMy brother committed suicide and passed last night.
StartTheMachine
12/10/21 2:42:20 PM
#1:


He was 34. For much of his life, he was in physical pain. He had a condition called Empty Nose Syndrome that started when he was around 20 which affected his breathing. He saw doctor after doctor and eventually had a surgery that seemed to mostly fix it. For a while he seemed to be happier and mostly free from pain, but after so many surgeries and treatments, he suffered from nerve damage. He took meds for the nerve pain and rarely complained about it, but it was always there, to one extent or another. I don't think his breathing was ever totally normal either. He had talked about suicide multiple times throughout his life before and how he never wanted to grow old, but he wasn't at all depressed the last couple of years. I believe he was mentally and spiritually at peace when he chose to die.

He knew exactly how to kill himself. Took some sort of cocktail of pills he's told me about years ago that is supposed to let you pass peacefully. I think it might be used in some countries where euthanasia is legal. I live with him and found him at 5:30 p.m. when I realized I hadn't seen him all day, and because I had heard super loud snoring from his room the night before at 8:45 p.m. (he never snored normally), I was worried. So I got the key to his room and opened it. He was lying on his bed with vomit down the side, but still breathing. We got our next door neighbor who is a nurse to come over and check on him, not knowing it was a suicide attempt yet. Then one of them found the note. It simply said:

"I'm sorry. I'm in too much pain. I will see you all again, just not here :)"

We rushed him to the ER. Because he was breathing and had a mostly regular heartbeat, we thought he was going to be okay. But somehow on the ambulance ride to the hospital he passed. Honestly, I feel like I ruined the moment of his death trying to prevent it and save him. But he's at peace now and no longer suffering. He fought for 14 years dealing with his pain.

Here are some of his favorite songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMgXXyF2XQg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpg-yNJF2ds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX3k_QDnzHE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbL-1oBppeU

Two that I introduced to him, two that he introduced to me. :) I love you brother.

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