Cruddy_horse posted... LeetCheet posted...
Yeah but I still feel like crap. She was the one who gave me strength to cope with my life somewhat.
Everything feels so pointless now and I'm so hungry but I don't feel like eating.
I'm going to see my mother in a few hours at least. Tell her the bad news.
What really breaks my heart is that she's expecting us both.
I haven't even told my brother whom which I share the same apartment with.
But that's mostly because girls have always been an awkward topic between us.
But I feel like I'm an asshole if I don't tell him.
I speak from experience when I say I know what that feels like, my ex was the only one I could speak to about most of my issues and she seemingly did the same, none of that stopped her from cheating on me with someone else during my second deepest depressive episode.
And trust me when I say keeping her in your life will be eventually be absolutely catastrophic for your mental health when she decides she wants to see other people, I made the mistake of trying to reconcile with my ex and after learning about how good her life has been I had months of nonstop emotional breakdowns and "thoughts" like I never had before.
It's gonna be rough, but you need to cut the cord fully and try to meet new people, otherwise I fear you'll go through the same things I did and I wish that on nobody but my ex.
And you need to stop encouraging her behavior and metaphorically jerking her off, telling her all about how she should be having sex and other relationships is not healthy for you, even if you feel it's true it's awful and I know it's because you're depressed because it's what I thought with mine. It sounds very much like you're putting her on a pedestal which should absolutely never be done with anyone, especially an ex, but it's very hard to realize that you're doing this without outside help.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that.
But I'm pretty sure you're 100% right. When she gets into another relationship, which she could potentially do in the future because, well, I've already said it above, I will just get devastated again.
Though, I doubt that guy will have the same patience for her mother that I had for over seven years.
He will probably quickly realize how lost of a cause her mother is and he will get the hell out of there.
I just realized how much it sucked to hear that she banged a guy from her work.
Even if we were 'on a break' from each other.
She could've at least waited more than a few weeks until she started inviting people home.
I know she didn't really like that stuff and maybe he forced himself on her?
I mean, it did seem like she wasn't proud of it.
...
It's 100% impossible to somehow get together with her again when she had sex with another guy, isn't it?
Now I'm imagining some guy banging her in the same bed we used to sleep(as in Zzz) together in.
Goddammit I hate my life so much! I feel so betrayed.
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