HAHAHAHA hes the ultimate yakuza. First off, no, he isnt. I cant wait to stuff this little twerp in a locker halfway through the game. Secondly, if he was, why the hell does this school run by morons keep letting ultimate murderers and gang leaders into their school in the first place. "Well it says here he is the ultimate principal murderer. I don't like it any more than you do but he has us by the balls here. No choice but to let him in." The ULTIMATE YAKUZA should be DISQUALIFIED BECAUSE HE IS A MEMBER OF THE YAKUZA AND SHOULDN'T BE AROUND THE ULTIMATE TRADITIONAL DANCER. Hes like Mondo, if Mondo was less interesting and in diapers still.
Mahiru tells me us boys got to keep the girls safe. Hell no, I didnt sign up for this, crazy. I dont know you girls, its every man for himself out here. Also, her spoken dialogue line is you are a boy, right? Shes clearly played the first game and is just double checking.
Nekomaru is the ULTIMATE TEAM MANAGER which he screams at me through a megaphones until my ears melt. Honestly, not what I was expecting. I thought ultimate bodybuilder or tough guy or person who will murder you with a chain, but wasnt expecting ultimate corporate synergist. Good on you, guy. Also, his crotch bulge is weirding me out. Hes so tall that after youre done talking to him, the game focuses in on it right there and Im like, hey, back off man, youre making me uncomfortable.
Peko is the ultimate swordswoman and looks like shes already packing a sword, giving her a headstart on the whole murder everyone angle. Although this probably makes it too obvious, so shell be killed instead. Under her likes it just says black. I am surprised when her dislikes dont include peoples knees.
Lots of weird parallels for all the characters so far, but I dont know if this is intentional or not. Pekos love of swords and her immediate insistence to like, not try anything funny with her, MISTER brought me horror flashbacks of Toko.
Chiaki is the ultimate gamers. ACTUALLY ITS ABOUT ETHICS IN FORCED GLADITORIAL COMBAT, CHIAKI. Stupid girl.
Walk in on fat little chef sexually harassing some poor girl and asking her to suck the poison out of hissomething. Yikes. Nevermind what I said before, I found the new Toko.
There is a girl called Sonia Nevermind. WHY HELLO THERE RANDOM ENGLISH NAME. There is a 100% chance that this name is a clue at some point, likely as a part of a whos on first gag (Who killed you? Nevermind Oh ok guess he didnt want us to solve his murder Nevermind Yeah we get it, well forget about it NEVERMIND No, Neverminds on second, Iknowwhokilledme is on third, and Theretherethatistheonewhodidit is on first.). Neverminds the ultimate princess, which I think means if she dies we skip right to the night phase.
Ugh fat pervert chef is so damn weird. He wants to go somewhere private with me to discuss Pekos black thong. WHY. WHY IN PRIVATE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME.
I am a terrible person and leave Sonia alone with Teruteru. This can only result in something terrible. Fake protagonist is like oh you crazy guy dont be using your tricks on her again! like thats going to stop him. This is why youre the fake protagonist.
Jeez two seconds into the store and Mikan is all over me. I know I have that special protagonist allure, but keep it in your pants for at least long enough for me to learn your name, lady. Also those bangs are a mess. Ultimate gave herself a haircut over here is nutso.
Ibuki is the ultimate musician. Again? A super popular all-girl high school bandthat sounds familiar Jeez guys youve become so predictable here your main character has become sentient to complain about it.
Ooh theres an airport here. This should be easier to escape than I thought!
Shark mechanic guy (Kazuichi Soda) says he cant fix the airplanes because someone stole the engines. SOME ULTIMATE MECHANIC. The real ultimate mechanic could put a new one together out of palm trees and sand.
Last dude I meet is Gundham who is the ultimateuhbreeder. Am I reading that right? Is this what I think it means? Like I literally ran into the ultimate sperm donor? How old is this kid? Antonio Cromartie already has like twelve kids so you better be at least in the double digits you little liar. This school took this little kids outrageous bragging seriously for some reason. Yeah, I uh, like, banged, a thousand women, basically. YOURE IN
Oh hes just a hamster breeder. Thatmight be creepier, actually >_>
Time to meet up! Everyone says something important they found and prevent chef is all like hey dudes there are BOOBS here. Ibuki gets grossed out and I like her more.
Byakuya says there is a BIG TRUTH everyone missed out on. Theres a statue in the middle of the island! Which means this must be Jabberwock Island! But what the hell is Jabbewock Island? Byakuya starts to say a spoiler but then hes like nah I cant reveal that yet thats later in the game spoilers tbqh
Usami shows up and is like BEACH PARTY and everyone is like GOTTA GET MAH TAN ON and disappears. Only a handful of people stay behind. Party poopers. Akane stays behind because Usami wont let her swim naked. Super party pooper. Hiyoko stays behind because she is a damn lunatic and wants to stomp crabs. Byakuya stays behind because Usami forgot to pack the curtains that would need to serve as Byakuyas swimsuit. Poor guy.
MONOKUMA YASSSSSSS I want my damn death courtroom segments. Sorry Usami, love is kinda boring tbqh.
Hahahaha Byakuyas running away noise sounds like eight horses
I also just realized Monokumas voice sounds like Scrappy Doo. No wonder I hate him.
Usami gets beat up real bad after promising a big epic fight. Way to go, dooming us to murder ball.
Monokuma explains the rules to anyone who didnt play the first game and everyone panics and starts lighting things on fire.
Also hes like Voltron now? He summons enormous killer robots when people threaten to fight him, so thats fun I guess. Also they emerged from that statue, so psychic points for me aw yeah.
Hooray Usami is dead! Take that weird imposter stuffed animal!
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Moops? "I thought you were making up diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion."