I met a girl when I was in 10th grade a couple years ago. She was in 9th grade. She was in my eyes, absolutely perfect. She was smart, funny, caring, and beautiful. Problem was that she was in a relationship at that time, which sucked because I really liked her and we were somewhat friends.
So I decided to go after another girl to keep my mind off of here who was no where close to great as this girl, and it failed horribly. No relationship came out of it.
The following school year, I took some time to myself and the friendship between the first girl and I grew. I was even giving her little surprises and gifts as hints as if to say, maybe we're more than friends.
But it all came tumbling down because the day I was going to ask her to prom, she got asked by a guy who had the exact same name as me. So once again, I had to watch from the sidelines as the person I wanted more than anyone had fun while I was alone in the cold. Luckily, they where just friends, so nothing long term came out of it. My last year with her was absolutely wonderful. We were great friends, shared similar interests, and were as close to a relationship as one can get.
I still gave her surprises, the biggest and the best coming around Valentines Day last year. I had gotten a box of Hostess Valentines Day cupcakes to give her. She was gone on Valentines Day, so I waited until she came back, which was the next day. I waited until class was over, and pulled her aside. I got down on one knee and went on a fun little act on how great she was and how much she meant to me. I gave the surprise to her and asked if she'd be my valentine. She said yes and we hugged. I then asked her to prom a few weeks later, hoping for similar results.
This time, I gave her flowers and a card parodying a tweet of a certain political figure who shall remain nameless because she liked my impression of him. I gave it to her the first week of March. She didn't give me answer until the second week of April, and that was a no. I was honestly broken for a week. I cried for a couple days. Yet after the whole ordeal, we were still friends. I soon graduated from high school and on my final day, I bid her goodbye, but told that we'll meet again.
That was in June of last year and as of now, it was the last time I spoke to her. I tried texting her over that summer just to say hi,only to get ignored by her. It turns out that I did too much and that's what caused the ignoring. I've tried texting her to apologize for what I did, hoping that we can start over, but that too has been met with silence. I think about her everyday and I miss her a lot because I know she's great.
But it's painful. I've tried to let go, but when I try, the memories and the idea of it working out between us get in the way. I'm left confused in whether I should hold on and try, or wait for someone better. I've tried both, but in the end, I'm not wanted in either of them.