LogFAQs > #931124763

Zeus posted...

what you mean

The closest thing to what I mean is the feeling of being stagnant. At work, these people at work who find another job feel this need to announce to the entire company his farewell message,saying how great their experience working at a homeless shelter has been, and how they're moving on to greater things. Then these phonies keep on cc'ing the entire company when they write their "good luck and goodbye" messages to the one person who is leaving. It's just so depressing because it just reminds me that I'm making hardly, if any progress at all with my career. I end up just marking the what's-his-face as spam as an act of passive-aggression because I know I am never going to see him ever again and will not need to endure my inbox being bombarded by "good luck!" messages and all that nonsense.

In any case, though, this complaint wasn't exactly relevant, seeing as I have received no such messages today. It's just the thought of my classmates from school with whom I attended class, who will be graduating in fewer than two weeks. I imagine them going on to greater things after they officially obtain their degrees, and it just makes me bitter and angry that I'm still doing work that doesn't pay me enough for rent. I'm also frustrated because I'm being laid off by the end of this year. I'd been wanting to take a vacation somewhere, but by the end of the year, I'll be without work. So now, going on a trip is no longer an option. And as it is, my resume is incredibly dismal and it just makes me feel like dung, it does. Although, I cannot say that it is completely worthless; the other day, I went to see a staffing agency and was told I'd be eligible for two jobs. Neither of them related to my own experience, so it just gave me the impression that my experience is worth nothing. It really makes me wonder what I'd been doing at that job for over three years. The thought makes me hate myself even more for not being more pro-active during my academic career.

Moreover, I rejected those two offers because I was having an anxiety attack. At that moment, I was so very unsure of whether I'd be able to do the work described by the temporary-work agency worker, whether I'd be able to stomach constant contact with executives and their lot. Then I started twitching and freezing up due to anxiety. I was already ill-prepared for the interview, having neglected to practice it. It made me wonder if I was worthy of even being considered. Additionally, I cannot even decide if I want to take a vacation or find work. Sometimes, I secretly hope I will not find work and will have an excuse to go on vacation during January. I know this thought should be banished from my mind if I should be successful in my job-hunting endeavors, but even so. I'm tired beyond all belief. The last time I went on vacation, I was three, and I don't even remember it. I digress. Taking trips should not be my first priority at the moment. It should be finding work. Although, I don't know if doing so will benefit my mental health. As it is, I still suffer from severe agitation, panic attacks, and nervous fits at my current workplace.

And nowadays, I cannot help but hardly enjoy anything. Everything looks like dung, as I have said in a few topics before this one. Nothing makes me happy. I don't see the point in playing video games anymore. They're not fun as they used to be. Reading literature to keep my mind away from real-life problems has lost its appeal. I always know I'm going to have to return to worrying about finding work with what is essentially no experience. Writing tires me out nowadays. Now, I just don't see the point in writing about my troubles that often anymore. I don't really see the point in trying to resume amateur fiction-writing. Most days, I don't even have the energy to go through with it. Nowadays, it's just job-hunting and programming after eight hours of tedious work.
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Number XII: Larxene.
The Organization's Savage Nymph.