LogFAQs > #924558536

foolm0r0n posted...

Hannyabal posted...

At that point Ill actually make a judgement of whether I want to message them or not. Im not really interested in having the same oh where do you work? Whered you go to school, etc conversation a million times, so i try and pick out something about them that I actually am interested in learning more about. at this point, that conversation should feel natural and you should just bail if it doesnt

This is clearly the part that is draining. Specifically, coming up with a line of conversation that I think would be interesting, and continually putting energy into it.

The main flaw is that when you try to have a convo with an interesting girl on an app, you're just a slice of her attention. Whether it's 2, 5, or 100 people, you have to be way louder and extroverted to make up for the lack of direct connection. In person, I have no problem making small talk with an interesting girl. Talking about what school we went to, jobs, or even the color of the floor tiles or whatever. It's not an interview (or an online product comparison to use my analogy) so I don't really care what we talk about. I just want that back and forth reverberation of energy that signifies the "spark" or "click" of romance. This is absolutely impossible on an app, by design.

Yes you need some extroversion at a bar, but you just need to spend a tiny bit to know if the other person is going to reciprocate and amplify the energy, otherwise you move on. On the app, you need to beat 100 other people's energy before even getting a chance to see what the other person is about. Hyper extroverts naturally clean up in that environment.

I still tend to disagree. Aside from a small portion of women who will swipe right on almost everyone and rack up hundreds and hundreds of matches a week, its really only your pictures/bio that has to beat 100 other people (at least for apps where you have to mutually swipe each other before you can have a conversation, Im sure its different when anyone can message you without matching). Youve essentially already beaten the odds at that point.

After sending 1-2 messages you should be able to tell if shes willing to engage or reciprocate or energy, and if not then you move on, same as in a bar. And its not impossible to tell if theres any spark at all. Ive been able to call my shot with regard to seeing a girl off of tinder for multiple dates within the first couple messages many times. It could just be that I have a well-defined type, but I think the odds on that are far better than just trying to meet random people at bars.

It might take more effort, depending on your personality (though i would maintain that trying to meet women IRL through any method other than having mutual friends is far more exhausting), but the trade-off is that theres so much less random chance. I can control who I match with on tinder and cater that toward the type of person Im interested in but theres no guarantee whatsoever that anyone youre interested in will be at the bar/club/library/whatever. Plus, you know that (almost) everyone on a dating app is actually single.