LogFAQs > #922802141

"I know, I know. You guys think it's cowardly, but we know this building better than they do. We hide, escape, and burn down the building while they're still inside. Once we've collected the insurance money, we buy another warehouse for our new home base. Active shooters and insurance fraud are right on page five of the packet, you guys."
"Can I have a new packet?" Greg asks.
"No, I didn't print any extras. Either look on with someone else or use the one you shot," you put your hands on your hips. "Now where were we?"
"We were shitting on Goblin Jon," Hella Jane answers.
"Nope, we weren't shitting on anybody-" you start.
"Why am I the only one getting shit on?" Goblin Jon angrily interrupts you.
"You aren't, he shit all over Notorious Greg too," Roger adds.
"Is that what this is?" Bill stands up. "Some safety nerd putting us down so he can make himself feel good?"
The crowd starts to get unruly. You try to motion for them to simmer down. "It's not about making people feel bad, it's about keeping everyone alive! We are stronger together."
"Gay!" a voice you can't identify shouts out.
"If... If being alive is gay, I don't wanna be straight," you reply.
"Amen to that brother," Gay Tim says as he winks at you.
Goblin Job notices the wink and asks, "Gay Tim, are you fucking the HR guy?"
"Not yet," Tim shoots you a finger gun.
"Okay, okay. Now we're steering close to sexual harassment," you tell him.
"Whoa, that's homophobic," Horny Roger scolds you.
"It has nothing to do with sexual preference. It's inappropriate to tell another coworker you plan to have sex with them, regardless of their gender or sexuality," you explain.
"What about us?" Hella Jane speaks up. "Our pimps sexually harass us all the time."
"Well, actually Hella Jane, hoes are considered independent contractors by the company. And independent contractors are not subject to the Code of Conduct."
"That's just a fancy way of saying we're being trafficked," Jane scowls.
"That's not... um... Next question," you move on.
Notorious Greg stands up holding a bullet. "I found it! They do dig into the concrete. The floor is okay to shoot."
"No it's not!" you growl.
"Is cocaine cool?" Goblin Jon asks. "Probably would help me focus more."
"That's still a drug so no," you tell him.
"But those people in The Wolf of Wall Street did coke all the time," Smilin' Gary objects.
"Yeah and like every character in that movie went to jail," you argue.
"Did they?" Gary cocks his head. "I never finished it. That movie was like three hours long and I had to leave to go meet my coke dealer."
"Meth is fine though. But only for me," Meth Carlton declares.
"It most certainly is not."
"Yeah it is. It says so in my employment contract," Meth Carlton says.
You clench one of your fists. "We don't even have employment contracts."
"You lost my contract?" Carlton asks with half-hearted concern. "Well until you find it, you can't prove mine doesn't have a meth clause."
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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.