LogFAQs > #919186851

Sandman: Too drunk to work, strike four, fired.
Sheik: Too high to work, sent home, strike two.
Matt Hardy:...appears sober actually, did impressions

Big Ass Extreme Bash
Fri, Wk. 1, 3/96

Our opening match, apropos of nothing in particular, is Sabu v. Henry. Sabu's experience proves enough to outmaneuver the strongman's power, and Sabu gets a win. (C)
The Pitbulls will square off with the Eliminators next, to crown new tag champs! Back and forth brawl, with the Eliminators eventually proving their relevance with a clean win. (C-)

RVD might want the Network, but tonight he will have to settle for Chavo and the TV Title. Solid match with lots of aerials...and Chavo pulls off a bit of an upset by retaining completely clean! (D+) Too Cold Scorpio is out with a mic. He was supposed to wrestle Iron Sheik tonight, but Sheik keeps ducking him! Can he only do sneak attacks at his age? Bam Bam Bigelow interrupts to point out that he doesn't have a dance partner tonight either, so why don't they have a match? (C+) They proceed to do just that, and the ensuing match is a good'un. Bigelow gets a big win. (B-)

Bubba Ray and the rest of the Dudleys have not been on the same page lately. After some squabbling, Big Dick and Dances With challenge Bubba Ray to a TAG MATCH, if he can find a partner! Bubba Ray thought they might say that, and he's been doing some digging. Y'see, there's another Dudley Boy out there....he introduces D-VON DUDLEY! I dunno, this rando doesn't even look like his half-brother. I don't think this pairing will go anywhere; there are enough of 'em already. (D+; D-Von's Mysterious gets Average) Regardless, the new Dudleys are able to roll through the old ones pretty easily in a match. Crowd couldn't care less. (D-)

Raven and Stevie have reached the point of SETTLING IT IN THE RING! Beulah wanders around non-committally at ringside, leaving halfway through with The New Meanie. Stevie gets the crowd on his side, but just can't quite get it done against the mastermind. (D+)

Tommy Dreamer catches up to Beulah backstage, and asks her to come back to him. She doesn't want anything to do with him OR Raven or ANY of this, at this point! She pulls free and leaves him looking sad. Barry Windham is there to helpfully inform Dreamer that lust is a powerful distraction, but forcing yourself on a woman who is uninterested is even worse! (C+) A match ensues. Dreamer's a bit off his game, and it gets worse when Beulah stops by to keep an eye on things. With him DISTRACTED BY THE SUCCUBUS, Windham is able to capitalize for a huge win. (C)

Douglas (and the Network) and Cactus Jack (and Whipwreck) get some promo time ahead of the title match, to reinforce that Cactus is not championship material- he's barely even ECW material! He even sold out Whipwreck for this opportunity! (A) The main event won't set any ironman records, but Cactus and Douglas beat the snot out of each other all around ringside, with frequent interjections from Jericho, Alfonso, and Whipwreck. Ref bumps, and Cactus gets a visual pin. Whipwreck comes in with the title to hand it to Cactus....or belt him over the head with it! Cactus is down! Douglas crawls over...1......2.....3! (B-; Whipwreck turn goes pretty well)

Overall: C+ SUCCESS

Maniac: 18/19
War: 18/19
5tar: 18/19
Lopen: 15/19
Sultan: 13/17
eaed: 6/19

Maniac: 68/84
Lopen: 54/85
eaed: 52/85
Sultan: 44/56
War: 47/58
!5tar: 24/27
CPU: 10/22
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