LogFAQs > #919061550

(In this post, self-indulgent bumpshit.)

CPU: "So I was doing housework at my winter home in Detroit, and I accidentally locked myself in the basement from the inside."

Intern: "Ye?"

"So I tried to call the local locksmith to come and get me out, but the chuckles of fun that took over B8CW's financial office thought that I wasn't honoring my contract-"

"Was this during that whole focusing on working for SSW thing?"

"No, this is when I only working B8CW for that one month because everyone else was running their big shows and didn't really need a freelancer to fill in at all."

"...Huh."

"So anyway, I hadn't gotten paid that month and as such T-Mobile had cancelled my phone plan for 'justifiable cause', and I couldn't call out. So I had to figure out another way to get out of my basement."

"Yuhuh?"

"So I search the basement for a crowbar, spare keys, paperclip I can make into a lockpick or something like that. I figure it couldn't possibly be that big, it's a basement under a three bedroom house, and I'd gotten it from a big family that'd decided they wanted to trade Michigan winters for Florida warmth."

"...Wait, you lived in a three person by yourself in Michigan."

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Sometimes I need to get away from my own thoughts."

"Understandable, continue."

"So it turns out that they'd done a lot of underground work in the house over the decades, and their basement covered the entire four block area since no one else wanted the room for storage."

"Yeah?"

"Long story short, I spent two weeks trapped in the basement searching for a way out because, while it covered such a wide area, there was only the one way in or out. And there was a... lot of stuff down there. Food, electronics, stuff to maintain the electronics, books, radiation suits, gas mask and the like. Stuff like they'd been planning for the end of the world. That's the *mundane* shit. They'd been... collecting other things, too, just in case."

"....Like what?"

"Bodies, mostly. ...A *lot* of bodies. Most of them were properly taken care for, put into coffins, not named... but there were others."

"....Isn't the fact there were bodies bad en-"

"There's.... worse things than a quiet death, lad. ...Some of what was down there wasn't strictly human. ....Or dead anymore. ...Don't want to get... into it, there are still on-going investigations and exterminations going on. And there were still people alive down there. ...'Alive.' Only reason I found some of them was because of the scratches on.... and behind the walls." He breathes out.

"..."

"As I said, big place, lots of stuff... not all of it in easy reach. People in those circumstances don't plan or map out the area as they go, since that doesn't happen." CPU takes out a map. "...I had learned from when I was a kid. Had to feed, clothes... take care of a lot of people that had been lost down there for months, if not years. Never seen anyone else, never hear anyone else. Only lived from stashes from others that had been stuck down there, and from the family's storage."

"....Well?"

"Well, it was after two weeks under that I remembered that the basement door's lock had broken when I got the house. Had honestly slipped my mind. So I took everyone to the basement door, prepare them for what had changed, and then Noctis from FF kicked the door open looking for me, apparently Sally had gotten worried that I hadn't shown up for a few weeks and sent someone out to find me, and I broke my neck falling down the stairs. THAT is how I died. Happy now?"
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"I like to quote, because I feel dead people shouldn't be excluded from the conversation." -Stuart Firestein, currently still alive.