Yes, singular adventure. I felt I couldn't let this one go without informing you all.
Her Vaginas
I was subbing for the gym teacher on Wednesday. I love subbing for my former basketball coach because I literally get paid to play sports with kids all day. Its like being a professional athlete without any of the glory. I decided to let the kids have free choice, meaning they could play pickle ball, cornhole, basketball, volleyball, jump rope, or hantis. Hantis is the coolest f***ing game ever evented and you should definitely check it out. Not just because my best friends from high school created it and now its starting to hit the country with such force that they were able to quit their jobs to do it exclusively. Check it out at hantis.net. Its basically a game of four square using tables and a tennis ball. (Shameless plug over.)
Anyhow, we were playing this game all day because the kids really get excited about it. During 5th period, my 7th graders were playing just like we had been all day. One of the rules is that if the tennis ball hits someone then hits the ground, that person is out. This class decided this was the rule to focus on. All they did was try to hit the ball as hard as possible at each other.
A clueless girl named Vanessa decided she wanted to play. She made it through a couple rounds, not really affecting the game much but not being eliminated either. That's when another kid decided to hit the ball as hard as he could at her to get her out. He slapped the ball and I watched on in amusement as it crossed the tables and hit her square in the crotch.
"OWWWWWWW!" she screamed. "OWWWWWW MY VAGINAS!" she screamed. The tears started flowing, so a couple girls took her into the locker room to calm her down.
A few minutes later Vanessa ran back out to me, looking completely frazzled and sobbing. She motioned for me to bend down so she could whisper something.
"My vaginas are bleeding" she managed to make out as she gasped for air between her heaves of crying.
At this point I had no idea what the f*** was going on. I thought this kid had seriously injured her lady parts somehow. I immediately called for backup. Mommadore came into the gym and pulled the girl aside to try to figure out what was wrong. I resumed gym class as normal and let them go to the office to handle this situation.
Mommadore called me about 20 minutes later to fill me in on what happened. The girl had started her period for the first time. This just miraculously decided to coincide with her getting a tennis ball hit into her crotch. After figuring out the problem, Mommadore decided to educate her as well. Apparently the girl kept talking about her "vaginas" and Mommadore got fed up with it. She said it took her 5 minutes for this child to understand that vagina is not a plural word.
I am eternally grateful I didn't have to deal with this situation very long. But I will forever always have the memory of this girl doubling over in pain screaming about her vaginas. I think it might be enough to get me through anything in life when I need a quick laugh.
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Commodore
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