LogFAQs > #901621186

After a pause to relay his disbelief, the employee took out his cell phone and began typing the request into Google. To nobodys surprise, the search engine was filled with links to articles and top ten lists devoted exclusively to bottled water. He tapped on one of websites near the top and up popped ranking of the same brands on Walmarts shelves, surrounded by only the finest of stock webpage design.

So, uh, where did you want to start? he asked.

Lets start with the classic. Tell me about Aquafina. The customer spoke with an assured sense of purpose.

Okay, sure. After a little scrolling the employee gave him an answer. Um, says here that its got a very full flavor. Whatever that meant. And the aftertaste isnt very good. Honestly, this is way more detailed than I expected.

Okay, okay. I can see that. The customer commenced to pacing up and down the aisle. He was in deep thought. Lets get a little high class. Hows Fiji?

Says here its smooth. Like, really smooth.

Alright, good. He put a hand on his chin and his best metaphorical thinking cap on his head. Come on! Keep them coming! I gotta figure this out.

O-okay. The employee pulled up random entries from the website. I guess Dasani is supposed to be pretty light? And a little fruity? Which sounds weird to me but okay. According to this, Evian is the king of mineral water. Mountain Valley Spring Water is great all around. And then theres-

Stop1 Just stop! the man shouted. I cant do this. I cant do this, man! I dont understand all this fancy water stuff! If it was soda or frozen pizza Id nail it every time! But water? Whats light water?! Minerals? Am I drinking a vitamin? How can I possibly make this decision?!

The employee slipped his phone back into his pocket and said, You could always just use the tap.

In that moment, the blinding light of realization shone from the depths of the customers eyes. As though the secrets of the universe had just opened up to him. That same feeling you get when you realize that all the cheap off-brand food is made from the same ingredients and at the same factory as the name brand.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. And he left the aisle, without buying so much as a single bottle of water. Rumor has it that from that day on, the customer never entered another bottled water aisle again. Except to buy tea. Tea is often next to the bottled water.