LogFAQs > #884902831

I always wondered what this moment, if it happened would feel like. I also wondered if I would make some grand statement about DARKNESS or shoes or retiring and unretiring or whatever story bullshit came up. The truth is…all I can do is be myself right now.

A year or so into my tenure here, and that’s when it happened: the day I’m sure everyone remembers. I won Modern Warfare with Chris and others, and then took the world title for myself, as if I deserved it. I grew to resent people for the stupidest shit, and it came to a head when I screwed over Eaed in an unannounced Hardcore match that day. XIII, who had already every reason to boot me out the door almost did. Apollo even told me, “Do you really want it this way?” As soon as the title was taken off me, and I was given a “vacation,” all I wanted was a second opportunity. All I craved was to do things the right way, each and every day. To see if what Apollo said about wanting it was true. After that, I began to feel as though I never “was” champion to begin with. That feeling stuck with me, almost like a driving force to remind myself NEVER to do anything so stupid again.

I started to understand what winning meant. How it felt to be competitive, but cooperative with people. We are all friends, allies, and performers in our own stories. We should support what we do, even if we get pissed if it doesn’t go our way. I started to make headway. I had this drive, this need in my head that I wanted to prove that night was a terrible mistake that NEEDED to be rectified, if only for my own sake. I had a couple chances, but Serious Survival happened. The day after, I was planning on challenging using the Exile shot. However, I got super sick as a dog while working at my job. That’s when I realized, “Why the fuck am I so hung up on this UCA thing?” I decided to retire that day, figuring that world title win or not, nothing was more important than getting away. Just focusing on me. I still remember XIII, the guy who brought me in, giving me a pat on the back, a handshake, and a sendoff.

Mania comes around this year, and I figure, “Ok. One match. I’ll get killed. No problem. It’s for Sultan’s benefit.” I was deadset on getting wins for Apollo as a manager. I am indebted to him for many, many things, so it was time to give him his spotlight. But some of you said, “We want the old Strife back. We think you’re doing great.” Months pass, and again, I’m given things like KOTB. But David…dear god. “This guy just beat DP, who was impossible to beat. How the fuck do I do this?” So one match goes by, “loss.” Whatever. I’ll focus on the Taybles title. But Eaed threw that second title shot down on me. I didn’t ask for it. Part of me didn’t want it. But the same guy who I screwed over has spent the better part of a month giving me opportunity after opportunity, saying it was my effort alone. If anyone deserves credit, he does. He and XIII both put up with so much stupid shit. Second match: tie. And then…today happens.

I honestly don’t know what more to say right now. I always figured there was something about me that never sit right with people. Not enough that I would get this far. But now…now I am Undisputed Champion. For real this time. By being supported and voted by enough people that felt I earned every bit of it. I know I’m melodramatic over the smallest shit, but you have no idea how proud this makes me. I thought I had run out of time. Time to silence the doubts about my own drive, passion, and ability to perform. What winning this means is that for 1 day or 100 days, I am what most of you feel defines the best at our craft. The best at being UCA performers.

I finally did it the right way, and it feels good.
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"Misguided mortals, you'll burn with me! Spirit of man cannot be freed!" - Black Sabbath, When Death Calls