A conservative will buy the CD to support his favorite band, then act entitled and outraged when the band makes a mildly left-wing comment. A liberal will pirate it and then complain about it.
A conservative will ask his wife to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich then slap her across the face if she refuses. A liberal will ask his f*** buddy to make him a five course meal.
A conservative will always ask if its ok to pet the dog unless the dog approaches him first, in which case he will shoot it and claim self defence. A liberal will try to steal the dog from its owner.
A conservative has 10 issues of Playboy because his staunchly sexually-repressive upbringing has left him with a plethora of emotional issues regarding anything sexual. A liberal has 10 gigabytes of loli porn.
A conservative will play a game to completion before commenting on it unless it has an option for same-sex romance, at which point he will immediately call it the worst game ever made. A liberal will say the game is trash before its even out.
A conservative will anonymously donate $100 every week to charity but will loudly complain about tax dollars doing the same and insist that unemployment is a sign of laziness and moral blameworthiness. A liberal will take a selfie of them giving $2 to charity.
A conservative will not mind if they get a medium drink instead of a large because it gives them an opportunity to complain loudly and sue the restaurant. A liberal will demand free food.
A conservative has no problem paying a little extra, if the quality is there, but they get around this by insisting the quality is never there and demanding everything be made cheaper as a result. A liberal will get the most expensive option and then complain about the price.
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Kill 1 man: You are a murderer. Kill 10 men: You are a monster. Kill 100 men: You are a hero. Kill 10,000 men, you are a conqueror!