One time when I was in high school... we were on this field trip to a science lab. I was standing over by a spider exhibit, and this cute girl was nearby. I asked if I could take her picture "for the school paper."
As I was taking her picture, I guess a a radioactive spider bit my hand. For the rest of my afternoon and that night, my body underwent some massive changes or something, because now I can make these intricate webs in my room. Like... spider webs. It's crazy shit, but I kid you not.
Shit. Son. ---
"message parlor" ? do you mean the post office ? - SlayerX888